My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Sex

Not sex at bedtime

9 replies

DoyourememberPacMan · 27/12/2021 19:55

Man here, and I’ve NC for this.
I’m a new relationship, and something has come up.
The first time we DTD it was at my place, and it was on a Sunday afternoon when she was due to visit a family member and I was due to go elsewhere later in the afternoon. We’d met and dated on 6 occasions before, and from the high quality of her underwear and how she took charge it was clear she’d decided that it was going to happen that afternoon.
On an earlier occasion she’d mentioned how sex was best during the daytime, and never at nighttime, and I assumed it was a joke. But since then she said it again on 2 or 3 occasions saying it’s not a good idea to have sex at night when going to bed because you’re tired and have eaten and drunk and it would be on a full stomach.
Since then we’ve DTD on a number of times when we've spent the night together, in a hotel and at her place, but only in the morning, and she'd warned me (either in the afternoon or over our meal) that we wouldn’t be DTD that night. On one occasion we did though DTD at night in bed, after a lot to eat and drink, and perhaps it was because she’d had a lot to drink. We’d also done it that morning.
I’m all for spontaneity and sex during the daytime, or in the morning, but the reality of life is that because of work and daytime commitments bedtime is often the only opportunity.
Has anyone had this before and how should I deal with it? Everyone has a choice about where and when they have sex, but I’d find it limiting never to have it in at bedtime.

OP posts:
Report
zarek · 27/12/2021 20:20

People tend to have a preference for when to do the deed. But as you say it's not totally prescriptive and open to negotiation

Report
cosmicbabe · 28/12/2021 10:03

To be honest I find bedtime sex hard work depending on how late it is. Kids, job, life during the day is busy. When I get to bed I'm shattered and the thought of having sex and putting in effort at bedtime is exhausting lol. However my partner loves to have sex before going to sleep so I try to compromise as much as I can and I normally enjoy it once I get going.

Report
Wherearemymarbles · 28/12/2021 15:29

Ok different as we’ve been together since god was a boy but we could count the number of times we have sex at night over the last few years on the thumbs of one hand.

Food, wine, work just kills if for us.

Report
whylieandpretend · 28/12/2021 17:04

Do the deed?
God passion killer if there was ever one 🤦‍♀️

Report
Debra4621 · 28/12/2021 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

EllaVaNight · 29/12/2021 11:14

and have eaten and drunk and it would be on a full stomach Does she know you're talking about sex, not swimming 😂

Report
Rieslinger · 05/01/2022 10:59

DYRPM seriously mate, for all of us that have gone through patches of no sex, who gives a flying wotsit when....and TBH it sounds more like she is setting a healthy boundary between you and managing your expectations. It's not like as you say it won't happen but is far less likely too, maybe something happened in her past, might be worth a chat about it.

Going to bed early and getting up early....would absolutely work for me!!

Report
Mxflamingnoravera · 24/01/2022 21:51

I also prefer sex in the daytime, morning, afternoon, once a heavy meal and tiredness kick in then I'm not that interested either.and I tell partners that this is case. Booze in particular can prompt fun, unplanned sex but it's rarely orgasmic for me.

Report
BigYellowHat · 28/01/2022 17:10

Does it really matter. Personally I prefer bedtime whereas I think DH would like the morning as he wakes up with a massive hard on most days 😂 I sometimes oblige but I don’t generally fancy it first thing. Just go with the flow OP and enjoy getting to know one another.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.