It was consensual, but it can be pressure on his part right?

[2015StayAtHomeWife]

since this is sex sub, I think it okay for me to ask this here.

He is my husband, we together 11 years, married 7 years.
I need some reassurance/validate my feelings on this.

He did something to me a while back, and I can’t seem to get pass it/forget about it. And what he did wasn’t a one time thing, it went on a whole month, so he knows exactly what he was doing.

He initiated sex, and I did specificly told him that it was not a good time due to my missed pill that month (in all fairness, I did not use the word No).
He should just say okay and walk away. But No.

Instead he went on forcefully suck on my mouth, then to my neck, then he slide down one side of my shirt and forcefully suck on my shoulder repeatedly, repeatedly, he just won’t stop use his mouth. However I did not say No or stop.
BUT
what I did was called his name, then I called his name again, while tried to get him to stop use his mouth all over me.
He still won’t stop suck/kiss, then he he went to my boobs, then continue use his mouth down to my belly, then his mouth down to my vagina. Then I gave in, and had consensual sex with him.

Sucking here he was just using his mouth, he never hurt me.

In fall fairness I enjoy enjoy the sex with him, after the I gave in part.

I guess you can say that he did that to turn me on, or persuade. But I feel like pressure, like he not gonna stop all those kissing/sucking want to pressure me to turn on.

I asked him why he did those above to me, he said it because he loves me very much and he crazy about me.

Validate my feeling on this please, he is my husband I do love him, I’m just confuse on how I feels.

Op
You didn't consent, you "gave in". I'm not well versed enough in law, but it sounds like rape in marriage to me.

I agree that you didn't say "no", so he could use that as a defence, but your behaviour should have been enough to let him know that you were not in the mood - particularly as you said that it wasn't a good time - I'd say that meant "no"

Was this a sudden change in behaviour? If so, do you have any idea where it came from? Was it something he's seen somewhere?

“ He did something to me a while back, and I can’t seem to get pass it/forget about it. And what he did wasn’t a one time thing, it went on a whole month, so he knows exactly what he was doing.”

I think you know the answer since you can’t forget about it. It’s not acceptable once let alone for a whole month! Regardless of whether it’s technically rape or not, once a man has done anything like this it gives me a serious “ick” factor about them and I’m unlikely to get past it.

No help but totally confused reading it

If you think he knew he definitely was forcing you - then leave. I mean it.
If there is something in your general sex dynamic that may have given him the idea that you may have possibly not been into it, but then changed your mind - then you need to find a way to stop coming back to the memory.

Either way - you can’t live with this constantly being there. It’ll lead to resentment and centrally destroy the relationship.
Tell him you are struggling with it. And see if he is willing to understand and empathise, and question himself. It may be that he doesn’t fully understand the extent of how it affected you.
If he isn’t willing to try - then ‘I love you so much’ is just an empty word. Because love isn’t just this words, it’s how you treat the other person.

I do believe these things can be grey zone. And between consenting loving and sober adults - various situations and misunderstandings are possible.
And, in some way - saying a clear NO is important at times for avoidance of doubt.

But again - if you do think he knew and proceeded - leave.

Coerced consent is still rape to me.

I would say make him leave if you can, if not leave.

Rape in marriage is illegal.

For any future relationship, not this one, this one must be over for your own protection, either say No firmly or at least have a safe word that you both know means stop and stop now.

I wish you a safe 2022.