How do I work through this

[Marieg1990]

Hi

Happily married several years. Have lovely house, job etc. All ideal I guess except it isn't. Our sex life is nice. I enjoy it, cuddles and doing different things (sometimes) but that's it.

The problem is in my head and I feel really guilty about this. My ex BF before I met DH was different and definitely different in bed. Once we got to the more relaxed stage, as well as he being more experienced than me meant I went on a journey of discovery. Many different positions, dirty talk that in the cold of day sounds awful but OMG was such a turn on. He told me to do things and I obliged, he tied me to the bed, smacked my bum at times and ..well I think he was up for pretty much anything. He introduced me to using a vibrator during sex. It was dirty but exciting.

Recalling to my DH, my sex life with the ex clearly isn't an option but I just want my DH to me more wild and exciting (dominant/ dirty) in bed. But how the hell do you have such a conversation?

What would be nice to know is anyone female who has been in a similar position and managed to change their sex life for the better and more exciting including speaking to their other half and them taking it on board with making them feel they are rubbish

You could try gently cranking things up a bit ?
You know the sort of things you are looking for, start to introduce them see how it goes
Tak to him
If he starts to respond tell him how you love it
You don’t want to tell him how things have been in the past so a gentle ramp up may be good or get a fantasy talk going he may well be u for at who knows

It seems as if you will have to build him up to more activity. He might go along and then enjoy but will be more reluctant to experiment.
It sounds like you take the lead here.

Christmas offers the perfect opportunity. Give him a “present” of different sexual experiences. You could design and print out some spoof vouchers, to be redeemed when he fancies trying something adventurous! Making it humorous will be less intimidating for him.
Couples should be able to discuss and experiment with sex together, it’s part of getting to know each other, and feeling comfortable with each other’s preferences.

This is the perfect way of finding out what you partner either likes, wants to try, would be prepared to try, or is absolutely against trying without embarrassing you, or them:

old.mojoupgrade.com/

It is a free computerised survey and it's cunningly designed so that when the answers are revealed they don't get to see the things you'd like to have a go at but which they find abhorrent.

Just buy 50 shades of shite and leave it laying around. When he notices it tell him you read it and it really turned you on and would he please do X,Y and Z to you because it would be amazing. Let him know that the book has opened up a side of you that you want to experiment if he would be up for it.

The book is rubbish, but it will open up a conversation easily. Don't be shy / ashamed about asking, life is too short.

Talk to him, tell him your fantasies and how much of a turn in it would be if you tried x y and z?

@Freddy12 "You could try gently cranking things up a bit ?
You know the sort of things you are looking for, start to introduce them see how it goes"

Ok tried a little in bed when in the throes saying imagine this etc....he seems to respond well

@xpc316e...gosh laughed looking at that. Think that quiz might be slightly down the line !

Have ordered some much more risky underwear with a view to when he sees he wanting to take me to bed and be a bit more adventurous....I just hope he doesn't laugh and make me die of embarrassment !!

Thanks for your suggestions.