New partner - Herpes related

Alanis111 · 2021-12-14T11:29:34+00:00

So new partner has just made me aware he has herpes. We havent slept together yet. I'm doing my own research but feeling a bit out of kilter. He's extremely aware of it and is very knowledgeable on medication and when it might be flaring. He wanted me to make an informed decision about us. How have others managed with it/this type of situation? My concern is if I get it, can my children then catch it from me by sharing towels etc.

xpc316e · 14/12/2021 12:40

I have genital Herpes and contracted from my former wife. I was not aware that I had it until it appeared when I was at a very low point about 10 years after we had parted. I have been with my current partner for nearly 19 years, so we were having unprotected sex for many years before I realised I had Herpes. I have had several outbreaks since, but we never have sex when I do. My partner has shown no signs of Herpes.

It sounds as though your new partner is aware and very honest about his condition. Make up your own mind, but if I were you then the chances of getting it are very low unless you have sex during an outbreak.

I don't know about towel sharing.

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 14/12/2021 17:28

Least he told you, that’s not easy. I got it from someone without knowing they had it and ended up passing it to my partner. It’s not a pleasant chat to have but I’ve had it over 10 years and it doesn’t bother me at all. Minor itching once a year that goes in a couple of days.
It’s an STD. You can’t catch it from towels, to my knowledge.

Lovemusic33 · 14/12/2021 20:58

I think you can only catch it when he’s having an outbreak? You wouldn’t be able to pass it on through using the same towel as your kids. Many people are carriers of herpes, it sounds like he’s clued up on it and knows how to protect you from it.

maccax · 14/12/2021 21:26

Plenty of reliable information here....and No, you can't pass on hpv sharing "towels, cutlery cups or toilet seats."

www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-warts/

Gguin · 15/12/2021 01:25

Is he circumcised? This can I heard prevent transmission of herpes & other m
nasties

Mxflamingnoravera · 15/12/2021 07:08

I wasn't going to reply, but please, circumcision is not a herpes prevention method. And HPV IS NOT HERPES.

HSV Is really common, anyone who gets cold sores has the virus, billions of people around the world carry the virus. Many are symptom free all their lives. Unless you are having a first attack whilst about to give birth it is not dangerous. It's a skin rash that recurs. Whitlows are herpes, on the fingers, but we don't stigmatise people with these or suggest they cut their fingers off to avoid catching HSV.

You may already carry the virus, most std tests don't test for this. Anyone is completely within their rights to reject a potential lover for any reason they want to, but please, stigmatising people with the virus is not helpful and is unkind, and stay away from old wives tales and read proper medical articles to inform yourself.

Mxflamingnoravera · 15/12/2021 07:22

elladawson.com/herpes/

maccax · 15/12/2021 10:43

@Mxflamingnoravera

I wasn't going to reply, but please, circumcision is not a herpes prevention method. And HPV IS NOT HERPES.

HSV Is really common, anyone who gets cold sores has the virus, billions of people around the world carry the virus. Many are symptom free all their lives. Unless you are having a first attack whilst about to give birth it is not dangerous. It's a skin rash that recurs. Whitlows are herpes, on the fingers, but we don't stigmatise people with these or suggest they cut their fingers off to avoid catching HSV.

You may already carry the virus, most std tests don't test for this. Anyone is completely within their rights to reject a potential lover for any reason they want to, but please, stigmatising people with the virus is not helpful and is unkind, and stay away from old wives tales and read proper medical articles to inform yourself.

Apologies, misread OP. Here's our link.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-herpes/

Japingjaponica · 15/12/2021 17:51

I would like to add Herpes is NOT an STD, wearing a condom does NOT stop it being transmitted.
And a quarter of the population have it in latent form..

I think you should respect and trust this man OP.

Rocaille · 15/12/2021 22:05

Well if you get herpes from genital to genital contact, then it is an STD.

Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me. I'd thank him for his honesty and move on. No man is worth risking your health (or that of your children) for.

prettycatseyes · 15/12/2021 22:46

Hey I contracted herpes last year, I met a guy who was very informed like yourself and I did my research and decided to go for it..we did everything right, used protection etc and I still contracted it...we split this year but remain good friends...some days it gets me down but I have to remain positive because at the end of the day I rarely have any outbreaks and it's a skin condition but the stigma is still a huge problem...the comment from the person above has upset me stating "no guy is worth putting your health at risk"...this makes me sad as the stigma is still there...herpes is not a risk to health, it doesn't cause any serious problems like other stis and stds can...it's an annoyance and the stigma causes more emotional problems than anything else..I sit here wondering whether anyone will ever want me again because of what I have..I've never disclosed to anyone else, but I didn't want to read and run..he's been completely honest and that is amazing..I hope one day the stigma attached to this disappears...

Cascascascas · 16/12/2021 03:45

@Gguin

Dear me

changedname1979 · 16/12/2021 19:27

As has been said above, the biggest problem is the stigma attached.

Something like 1 in 2 people have oral herpes and 1 in 5 have genital herpes.
Yes the outbreaks can uncomfortable but they last a few days and most people, that’s if they even have symptoms.

Chickenpox is part of the herpes family.

zarek · 17/12/2021 19:21

My partner was similarly honest, to her credit. I reckon many people would choose not to reveal this. I did a bit of research and didn't let it faze me. Basically it's very common, aside from the first outbreak it's usually mild and it has no serious consequences aside from some stigma. Years later I have never contracted it and it's been a non issue. It's a bit of a shock when you're told but I wouldn't blow it out of proportion.

Rocaille · 18/12/2021 10:56

herpes is not a risk to health, it doesn't cause any serious problems like other stis and stds can...

This is not correct: herpes infections can be fatal for newborn babies. Two otherwise healthy women recently died of herpes that was transmitted to them during surgical procedures.

With regard to stigma, it's possible to be compassionate and respectful towards people who have herpes without promulgating self-serving myths about the harmlessness of this disease.

I'm sorry I upset you, @prettycatseyes. FWIW, I also have herpes: type 1, on my face.

Rocaille · 18/12/2021 11:10

My advice to the OP is to be realistic: most relationships come to an end, often in upsetting circumstances. It's likely that this man will not be at your side forever, and you'll have a life to lead after him. If you're ok with living that life with genital herpes, then go ahead. For me, the chance of a likely short-term romance just wouldn't be worth all the hassle afterwards.

Japingjaponica · 18/12/2021 18:39

@rocaille, you also might be a latent carrier, as might the OP herself.
It is not an STD and is not tested for in routine STD tests, therefore your comments unfairly stigmatise people with it.

You can't test every prospective lover for a 'latent' condition before you sleep with them, and neither can people be expected to be sexless forever just because they have had an 'episode'.

berrylands · 18/12/2021 19:31

@Rocaille

Well if you get herpes from genital to genital contact, then it is an STD.

Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me. I'd thank him for his honesty and move on. No man is worth risking your health (or that of your children) for.

It is a skin condition, not a STD. I have oral herpes since I was a toddler. I can assure you I didn't get it through sexual contact. I can still pass it to someone genitals during oral sex. Two thirds of people have herpes, although many don't know because not everyone has symptoms. But they can still transmit it. @Rocaille, you are entitled to make the decisions you want about who you have sex with, but be aware that more likely than not you have herpes too.

berrylands · 18/12/2021 19:52

sorry @Rocaille, I just realized you also said you have oral herpes.
It is true that it can be lethal for babies and everyone should be aware of that.
Have you told every person you have kissed you have herpes before kissing them?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2021 10:57

Hi
I have it !
If he manages their the risk is actually not that major
Despite the hype and stigma
Soo many people have it
Some don’t know
Some get occasional

And you can ONLY pass onto kids if you are having it , and open sores

Most of the time I forget I have it to be honest x

PinotPony · 19/12/2021 20:21

@Gguin

Is he circumcised? This can I heard prevent transmission of herpes & other m nasties

You heard wrong. Please don't give advice if you don't know what you're taking about...

LosingTheWill2 · 07/01/2022 19:58

Hi, sorry to resurrect an old thread. A guy I met has just told me he has herpes and I am so confused. We have only been on one date but we have spoken loads and we are due to go out again soon. I understand it is v.v. early days and I do appreciate his honesty but what do I do with this information?
I had a cold sore on my lip when I met him for our first date.

@prettycatseyes are you sorry you continued your relationship? Do you wish you had ended it before you had sex?

prettycatseyes · 12/01/2022 01:20

@LosingTheWill2
To be fair we had a great relationship and friendship and still do have a good friendship..since my last post I've met someone who I've told and he's fine with it so not all bad lol...what are you going to do? X

LosingTheWill2 · 12/01/2022 15:39

@prettycatseyes, thank You for replying. We have a second date this weekend.I don’t know if we will even get to that level of our relationship. For now, I’m going to enjoy spending time with him and see how it goes x

prettycatseyes · 12/01/2022 17:07

@LosingTheWill2
Enjoy hope everything goes well x