Bisexual

[Itslit]

I have been with my husband since we were 16. He was my first and only sexual partner. I have recently come out to him (and only him) as bisexual after 18 years together. After reflection I suppose I am technically ‘bicurious’ due to the fact I’ve only had one sexual partner.
He was incredibly supportive. But we have not discussed it since I came out.
Where do we go from here?

I should add that, unbeknownst to my husband, I have feelings for both men and women outside of our marriage. Very much limerance rather than love. I feel extreme guilt about this but at the same time have never been disloyal to my husband and feel very confused.

I am particularly limerant for one male. I’m disgusted with myself. But I can’t shake the obsession. I love my husband so, so much but I am almost obsessed with another person.

Well, there are a couple of issues here aren’t there? Your bisexuality and your feelings for the other guy.

What would you like to happen? Are you hoping to open up the relationship? If so, did you discuss this when you came out to your partner?

@Itslit I feel very similar to you and I think this is mostly because I have had the same sexual partner since I was young, we both had limited sexual experience before we got together.
I often wonder what it would be like to be intimate with another man, I think this is to be expected in any long term relationship.
As it’s mostly limerence, don’t feel bad, it’s normal to have fantasies about others, if you however feel that you want to act upon these fantasies, be honest and open with your husband about how you’re feeling.

I am in a similar position to you. I've been with my husband 10 years and married for 5. I have since a teenager had crushes but not more than that until this year when I realised I had strong sexual attraction to women too. My husband has been so chilled about it as I don't intend on having a relationship and my husband was my first and only sexual partner. I do think I'd love to have experienced a sexual relationship with a woman but wouldn't cheat. My husband would probably entertain the idea of a threesome but I'm not sure I'd want to share!

Whatever happens in any of the scenarios above, I would not recommend any woman experiences their first time with another female in a threesome situation.

OK, I don’t usually share this on here, but your thread has struck a chord with me, so….

My male partner and I (female) are both bi and we are also swingers. We have sex with others of both sexes - sometimes single men or women, sometimes couples, but always together as a couple ourselves - we never meet people separately. This gives us the opportunity to fulfil all aspects of our sexual desires with like-minded others, still staying within the context of our loving, trusting relationship with each other. It also gives the opportunity for flirtation, thrill of the chase etc - all those other things that some people (not everybody by any means) might feel they are missing out on when in a settled relationship, and possibly can lead to limerence, or be one of the causes of it anyway.

We don’t have “relationships” as such with the people we sleep with tho - some have become good friends, but it isn’t a dating type situation, for us. Others we know see it differently and are looking for longer term relationships with their playmates which include an emotional aspect.

Basically there are countless iterations of this - have met all kinds of couples who have different ways of organising their romantic and sexual lives. It’s all about finding something that works for both of you, or course. And then keeping the communication going, constantly checking in that it is STILL working. And stopping as soon as it isn’t.

I realise that for lots of people this type of set up absolutely would not be an option. However, it works perfectly for us. I think for SOME bisexual people, in particular, total monogamy can be something of a struggle. Not meaning to sound in ANY WAY biphobic there - after all I am bi myself - and I know plenty of bi people are happily and successfully monogamous, so am not meaning to generalise and please forgive any possible offence caused…..