Vanilla

[privateusername]

What is the definition of a vanilla person or what makes a person not vanilla?

Various positions, oral sex, dressing up and use of sex toys - is that all vanilla?

What would be the next step towards moving outside of the vanilla zone if so?

When you choose to smear chocolate ice cream over them rather than vanilla.

I guess I'm looking for ideas to spice up an otherwise normal/vanilla sex life

I expect PinotPony will be along in a mo - she's full of exciting ideas!

@everywhichway

I expect PinotPony will be along in a mo - she's full of exciting ideas!

Well I was going to but now I feel incredibly self-conscious! 😂

What turns you on? What have you fantasised about? What would you like to try but aren’t sure you’re brave enough to? What have you read about in books or seen in movies and felt excited?

You don’t need to put things into “vanilla” and “non-vanilla” categories to have more fulfilling sex. Doing something like this questionnaire (there are others) with your partner can help you to speak more openly about sex and what you’d like to try: sexionnaire.com/

I really do not think that labels are helpful when it comes to sexuality. If something you do might be labelled as not vanilla, it could make you feel either a little awkward about liking it, or even unadventurous if it is classed as vanilla.

The bottom line is that what is vanilla for me might be outrageous for you, and vice versa. If two (or more) people like something, and it does nobody any harm, then I reckon that they should just get on and do it.

If you are looking for some new things to try, then I can heartily recommend a book called 'BDSM - A Guide For Explorers Of Extreme Eroticism'. It catalogues all sorts of things that most people would regard as not being vanilla. If you don't fancy doing any of them, then at the very least your mind will be broadened after reading it.

If you are in a relationship then I also recommend completing the questions at mojo upgrade.

old.mojoupgrade.com/

It's free to use, and can reveal a lot of what you and your partner might be willing to try without risking the potential embarrassment that could follow if you were to come out and say so.

Vanilla is often used as accusation when the routine is always the same. You know.
A bit of touching, first her, them him, then into the usual position. Duh! Don't let it get predictable. It might not mean that you have to be wild.
Vary timing, try it in daylight. Before you are tired.
Different rooms just for fun. A hands on session. A mouths only. Watch each other cum and the other only talk.
I have said in another thread about outdoors. It is variation.

This all makes sense and will have a go at the questions

I used 'vanilla' on dating sites to mean 'don't pester me for anal sex and strangling'.

I always understood vanilla as the opposite
of kinky, and would mainly define kinky-ness as BDSM. That said, definitely agree with PP that it’s really down to what works for you and your partner. As long as you’re both happy and each of your needs are met, who cares about labels?!