Can't orgasm....

[loonietune]

...through sex or foreplay!!!

Me, myself, I can achieve it in minutes with a fabulous toy, but a man trying to do it, it's hopeless.

The other week someone went down on me for what seemed like an hour and although it was nice, I didn't feel remotely close to having an orgasm. Over my 30 years of having sex it's only happened once and that was in 1999!!! I believe it was a fluke, cause it's never happened again....

Anyone else like this?

OP, you know you can get there, l think it’s a case of showing someone else exactly what you need.

For starters, are you confident enough to bring yourself to climax while someone else holds you?

Absolutely! I've tried that - I just think men watch too much porn and get all their idea from that - when it's not really how it works in reality!!!!!!

@loonietune - as @StarlightLady says, some direction may be needed.

I'm more than happy to be guided by my partner (I do occasionaly have a wry smile on my face, and think about a old program called the golden shot... Up a bit, down a bit, left a bit - fire! May be something you've never heard of!)

This is one of those occasions where good communication is key. If he isn't hitting the right spots, don't put up with it - tell him.

Could you try using fingers instead of a toy and teach that technique to your partner? I am similar in a way. I think it's a control thing. It took me a while to give up control as I know what I like and exactly how to do it myself. I can orgasm with my husband but before him I struggled at times. Even now if I want a more intense orgasm really fast I'll just use a toy.

Have sex with a woman would be my advice

@swapswap

Have sex with a woman would be my advice

Probably not massively helpful unless you're orientated that way.

Might be worth a try though @Isitsixoclockalready maybe she's straight but open minded, but then maybe she's already tried that and it didn't work for her either. Just trying to be helpful

This response is slightly lighthearted with some serious overtones.

I’ve already been told off on MN this week for using the word “training” when it comes to men and sex, but l see training as a positive thing. Both at work and in the bedroom.

I think a lot of the problem arises because men operate a bit like a microwave (instant) and expect woman to be the same. If/when they do find the spot, they do not always spend the desired time.

Moving on, yes another woman would work differently largely because the 2 bodies work the same way and there is a greater understanding. But how you are wired and orientation does not happen like choosing a dress.

Following.... Although my partner can bring me to orgasm, it's pretty rare... It's been the same with other men too. I thought it was me but now see others have similar issues. However it's not always men just being rubbish lovers in my personal experience!

Also how do you train someone else how to touch you as it's just not the same as touching yourself

[quote AverageGuy]**@loonietune* - as @StarlightLady* says, some direction may be needed.

I'm more than happy to be guided by my partner (I do occasionaly have a wry smile on my face, and think about a old program called the golden shot... Up a bit, down a bit, left a bit - fire! May be something you've never heard of!)

This is one of those occasions where good communication is key. If he isn't hitting the right spots, don't put up with it - tell him.[/quote]
Haha yes, I was like this in my marriage when all was good between us - three millimetres to your right, no that's my right, YOUR right .... that's it - amazing

... but only once have I come during my first time with a new partner. He was remarkable skilled and tuned in to a woman's body, but the sex put me off seeing what was going wrong there. Another story.

People do need to learn each other's bodies and responses. Of course it's easier to come by masturbation, we can instantly feel what we need where. I think it's about trust and allowing oneself to be totally vulnerable in orgasm, to not mind your partner seeing strange expressions and flobby bits shaking uncontrollably.

We do need to be able to be clear about what we need. Again, my experience with my current partner. He didn't stop talking about how I commanded him not to stop one time in our earlier days. Too right - stopping what he was doing, changing direction or whatever would have been disasterous for me. I suspect his previous partners had been a bit less assertive.