High sex drive single / loss of libido in relationship

[Lovelyivy]

Always struggled with this one. I’m extremely sexual when I’m single and always have 2/3 lovers on call (all consensual - they all know about each other). Practising bdsm, being adventurous.
However, once I meet someone amazing and want relationship - I stop being interested in sex… (I still have sex with the partner, but the sexual crazy me is suddenly gone). I care more about - how to blend our families together/future plans/is he “the one”…
I’m trying to figure why - am I just not a person who is capable of relationships? Am I just worried they fell in love with the sexual crazy me and I can’t live up to that standard forever?

Anyone has something similar? It’s making me miserable - it’s like I don’t like sex with the same person - even when I fancy them and we get along amazing and spent lots of time together …

What about trying out poly/open/ethically non-monogamous relationships?
In parallel - I think you can benefit from a bit of counselling to figure out things about yourself - what drives you, what makes you happy and why.
You are what you are - and you can’t change it much. But some of how you feel in relationships may be related to expectations and fears. And those you can work on - provided you understand them.
Everybody is suitable for a relationship that is right for them. You just need to find out what it is for you.

I'm like this OP. I'm okay in a relationship for a short time, but then I get the ick for sex with him. Trouble is, I've fallen in love with him by then! So I stay, and go years being unsatisfied and feeling like sex is a chore.

I think part of the problem is that I hate and resent the day-to-day domestic grind of cohabitation. Plus it's boring and unsexy to keep seeing your other half in the same dreary context, and keep hearing about all the minutaie of his life. You can know too much about a person.

In future, I'll not be cohabiting and will try to keep connections with men light and sexy, while cultivating more meaningful friendships with women. I don't want a serious relationship ever again.

Like you, I've also experienced having two lovers, and it was the sexiest thing I've ever done. I think that, for me, two men is the solution to getting easily bored.

Therapy has made a difference for me. Previously I didn't prioritise sex when meeting men I was romantically interested in. I do now.

@Rocaille you’ve articulated just how I feel! Keep thinking there’s something wrong with me!