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Original poster

Nerves or Ed?

20 replies

Jasmine00 · 15/11/2021 21:19

I've been seeing someone new for a few months now and we have just started getting physical for the last few weeks.
He couldn't get it up the first time he said due to nerves. We have managed for him to get it up a few other times but he couldn't come.
The latest time he couldn't get it up at all again.
He says it's nerves and that he believes I'm too good for him, however I'm starting to think that's his excuse and that he maybe suffers from ED. It's getting to the stage if we are getting down to it I'm scared to touch it incase I scare it away and I'm not quite sure how to go about it. Not wanting him to feel inadequate either or to put him on the spot by bringing it up in convo. Any experience?

OP posts:
FabulousMrFifty · 15/11/2021 21:29

Sounds like ED, he needs to see a GP for bloods, heart check etc.

Original poster
Jasmine00 · 15/11/2021 21:31

Oh dear, here was me looking for something fun and easy!!

OP posts:
FabulousMrFifty · 15/11/2021 22:13

You can try over the counter pills, make sure you get the real ones not counterfeit

onlinedoctor.boots.com/services/erectile-dysfunction

MarieG10 · 16/11/2021 06:01

I suspect he is susceptible to ED. I can get a little first time nerves, but frankly when I've had a new bf and we got to that stage, they have a,ways very rapidly been rock hard. Not talking guys in 20s all the time either

Visit to the doctor maybe, but is it really worth the hassle to start down that road before you are invested as frankly it doesn't go away

Original poster
Jasmine00 · 16/11/2021 07:44

@MarieG10

I suspect he is susceptible to ED. I can get a little first time nerves, but frankly when I've had a new bf and we got to that stage, they have a,ways very rapidly been rock hard. Not talking guys in 20s all the time either

Visit to the doctor maybe, but is it really worth the hassle to start down that road before you are invested as frankly it doesn't go away

Thinking the same!!
OP posts:
ReadyforTakeOff · 16/11/2021 08:29

Is it really worth the aggro at this stage?!

FabulousMrFifty · 16/11/2021 08:49

All men can suffer from “stage fright”, at some stage, but he has persistent ED he should seek medical advice for his own sake as persistent ED can be an early warning flag for other more serious heart and circulatory issues.
Try and get him to listen to this, for his long term health

www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/018-low-testosterone-in-men-professor-geoffrey-hackett-dr-louise-newson/

Original poster
Jasmine00 · 16/11/2021 10:11

How many times am I giving this to see if its stage fright?

OP posts:
FabulousMrFifty · 16/11/2021 10:58

@Jasmine00
That’s your choice, personally I’d say no more than 4 or 5.

Erections are funny old things, sometimes they just won’t appear, sometimes they just disappear for no reason..
You could try a drink of 2 if you think it’s nerves ( but not too many), or having a hot shower together ( that normally works for me.. )

Unfortunately ED can be a self fulfilling prophecy, if you think your erection will fail, it probably will …

How old and fit is he, as you could be fighting a loosing battle here.

MarieG10 · 16/11/2021 13:39

I would call it a day. I can't imagine how should destroying it will be on an ongoing basis for both of you, but you don't need that journey

ReadyforTakeOff · 16/11/2021 14:49

Just dump him and move onto someone else. It sounds like a waste of time to me.

Original poster
Jasmine00 · 16/11/2021 16:10

@ReadyforTakeOff

Just dump him and move onto someone else. It sounds like a waste of time to me.
Since I'm only after a little fun now and again I think it's looking likely
OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 17/11/2021 15:10

It's such early days its not worth taking on such a project is it ?
Go and find someone who can get it up, the poor bloke though but not your problem .

FabulousMrFifty · 17/11/2021 15:23

@ReadyforTakeOff

Just dump him and move onto someone else. It sounds like a waste of time to me.
Good to see empathy is alive and well
furbabymama87 · 17/11/2021 20:54

Had a guy like this once. He was ten years older than me and divorced. He knew he had erection problems and that had been an issue in his marriage for years but didn't tell me this until it was clearly obvious. I wasn't willing to make it my problem so I ended it. It's just not worth the stress when you want something casual, light and easy. Plenty of other men who can give you what you need.

JadedSoJaded · 18/11/2021 09:12

I’d call it quits. I pursued a relationship with a man late 40s for a fair few months. He did have ED and was prescribed viagra. But actually I suspect the issue was more psychological as he would wake rock hard. The way he dealt with the issue really affected me. Very few failed attempts at PIV sex. He didn’t come once over several months although trying through several methods. Which in turn meant I couldn’t relax. If you’re looking for casual fun this is a no.

furbabymama87 · 18/11/2021 11:50

She owes him nothing. She wants a fun sexual relationship. Why should his problem be her problem if before it's even a serious thing?

MrsJackWhicher · 19/11/2021 06:47

Feel so sad that so many are saying dump him. I was in a similar situation but it has massively improved over the few months we have known each other and he has been able to relax knowing I am or going to dump him as others have before.

easterdaffsx · 19/11/2021 09:14

If your having sex with the guy why not a conversation with him and ask him instead asking on a forum ?

Calee03 · 20/11/2021 19:58

I could have written this myself when I first met Dp (been together 9 years now). He always managed to get an erection but couldn't always sustain it for long for the first maybe 4 months of our relationship. It would just go flacid when trying to penetrate. He said it was nerves. I really bleddy liked him and we got on so well and I couldn't understand it. He treated me so well but sex was a massive letdown and it was new to me as my previous sexual partners had been the total opposite - mad on sex and no issues with erections but they treated me so badly compared to Dp who treated me so well otherwise. I was so confused by it and felt like it was my fault. I was worried he had ED too. It was weird because previous sexual partners had almost been pressurising and wanted all the time but Dp seemed to want me, not necessarily sex!

Anyway, after a few months I think Dp come out of his shell. He hadn't been with many girls (2 long term relationships before me). He is quite a shy person and isn't sex mad like some men. But it got better. We've been together for 9 years and after the first few months he had no problems getting or Keeping an erection at all. No issues now either. Never had to seek medical help for him or anything. It was just nerves. He is the complete opposite now. I am so glad that I didn't Jack it in at the time over it (I can tell you, I nearly bleddy did).

These days, I literally have to mention sex once and he has a instant hard on 😅 and no issues sustaining it!

There's always a chance it will be nerves op.

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