Maturation in a sexless relationship

[Estherpologist]

I'm in a sexless marriage. Separate rooms for years. I miss sex. I masturbate most days. It scratches an inch that desperately needs scratching, but sometimes I just give up almost as soon as I've started because I miss the intimacy and connection and even wanting sex sometimes just feels crap.
Does anyone else in a sexless relationship feel crap about masturbating, and how do you deal with that?

@BunsOfAnarchy Oh what I would give for some of the porn-sex you're getting. I'd even settle for some bad 1970s porn-sex with one of those hideous lace baby-dolls and an equally hideous moustachioed plumber and his oversized spanner.

Actually, you may have used the most important word I've read in the 4 years I've been sleeping alone. Siblings. For a long time I've thought of us as nothing g more than house-mates and co-workers (and not the snagging in the stationary cupboard at the Xmas party kind of co-workers!) But you're absolutely right, because we have become bickering siblings, so it's no wonder we're not shagging!

@Estherpologist
I know I’m going to regret asking but, what would you say was “porn sex”, asking for a friend….🤐

@Estherpologist
In all honesty I never saw the 'sibling' aspect until after we split and months later it just hit me. And it made so much sense.
Only difference with an actual sibling was that I could have huge argument with them and then everything would be back to normal and we would be besties again just by one of us saying "well shall I get the kettle on?".
Its weird. Masturbation almost became a means to an end during those last 2 years. As did porn. I dont think I enjoyed either properly but it was habit. I think since I met DP, masturbation only happens if he is away and we will do it together on the phone or we will pleasure each other and its so much more enjoyable now.

@FabulousMrFifty you know what it is lol.
Its filthy good stuff. Bit of aggression, dirty talk, begging one another for their cum. Being called a slut etc. Plus I'm a firm believer in giving a BJ that always emulate the filthy way its done in porn. Whether that's slow worship or aggressive. Because its hot. And I like it. And he loves giving too. Its just eye opening that I found out in my early 30s that this could exist in a relationship alongside actual love and lovemaking. With my exH I could never ever do the dirty stuff. It felt wrong. Saying something like 'I cant wait to F@^k you' would have been ridiculous and wrong. I think it shows from day one I never had that spark there for him.
Plus he wasn't a giver. At all. In 11 years I never came first. Now i have to atleast 3/4 times before DP does.
Eye opening. I literally wasted a decade on shit sex lol

@BunsOfAnarchy
Okay, I’ve just started seeing someone (she is a little bit older you, early 50’s like me), & I’m pretty sure she won’t take kindly to being called a slut…
But she does cum a lot and likes sex, (a lot ) so all good, thanks 😊

@BunsOfAnarchy
I felt exactly the same about my stbx - I just couldn’t do stuff with him and I never came with him. Stupidly, I didn’t realise this was bad sex!
My involvement with someone else brought out my naughty side - which is there and has been hidden for a thousand years - and, I won’t lie, I loved it! So much different to stbx. Wrong, but it opened my eyes!

I don’t think I’d for for aggressive stuff and wouldn’t like being called a slut either but passion…yes passion…would definitely be up there!!

Its different strokes for everyone. As long as there is mutual love, understanding and respect, anything can be a possibility in the bedroom.

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@Estherpologist
I know I’m going to regret asking but, what would you say was “porn sex”, asking for a friend….🤐[/quote]
(I'm going to be gentle here ...)
What a silly question. For one, I'm sure you're very familiar with what porn-sex is. And asking what someone else thinks porn-sex is is a bit like asking what they think fine dining is. It's either a pointless question or it suggests you've got your hand in your pants while typing and I suggest you get your friend to ask the question for himself next time.

@BunsOfAnarchy I have absolutely nothing at all to say in any way whosoever about whether I'm even the teensy tiniest bit jealous of you having that sort of sex.
I think you're right about the kettle though.

@Estherpologist
(I’m going to be gentle here…)
My question was answered (see above)
And I replied (see above)
And no I don’t hand down my pants as I’m not 12 (see above)

But thanks for the reply anyhow