AD - no sex | Mumsnet

LadShropshire · 2021-11-07T19:30:56+00:00

So - my OH has been on AD (Citalopram) for three years now. Our sex life has gone from 3/4 times a week to once every couple of months (if that). I don’t want to cheat, but I’m seriously frustrated….

Didimum · 07/11/2021 20:09

Does it bother your husband as much as it bothers you? I’m not saying that that’s a measure of the seriousness, but trying to get a picture.

Was the Citalopram prescribed by a GP? It can be a wonderful medication for some, but ADs are notorious for causing sexual dysfunction. Citalopram is also a fairly non sophisticated drug and GPs (although absolutely the right port of call for anyone experiencing depression) are rarely experienced enough to treat it adequately, especially when side effects seem difficult to manage.

Do you have the means to see a private psychologist? Their understanding of the nuances of mental health and drugs available to both treat and not cause distressing side effects may be a worthwhile option. If not, then I would address the problem with the GP so he can consider a different medication that may not effect him so seriously. Every type will be different for everyone, neither of you should accept a medication which creates a whole other debilitating problem.

Hugs to you. I have been the same situation in the past and it’s miserable indeed x

Original poster

LadShropshire · 07/11/2021 20:49

I’m patient, and understand she needs them (conception issues).

I just miss the rush good sex gave us - selfish I know.

OP posts:

Didimum · 07/11/2021 21:09

Sorry, stupidly assumed you were a woman. It’s not selfish. Sex is an incredibly important part of a relationship. So not cheat on her. DO NOT BE THAT PERSON. Speak to her and work out your options together.

Tal45 · 07/11/2021 21:21

If you're frustrated it's obviously not the intimacy you're missing so have a wank and get over yourself, why would you even bring up cheating if you love her. You sound like a dick.

Is she taking it for depression - you say conception issues but that can't be right. Is it the depression or the ad's that have affected her sex drive? Is she concerned about the loss of sex drive? If so reducing the dose or the timing of the dose might help or if not changing ad's might be the answer. Talk to her about it and see how she feels. If you can't cope with the 'frustration' then do her a favour and leave her, don't cheat on her and blame her for it when she's already suffering.

RedKite20 · 08/11/2021 15:32

Sorry to read about this situation. Just a few general thoughts, based on the small amount of information available, none of these thoughts may be relevant to your situation and your GP will be the best source of advice of course:
Does the citalopram seem to be helping the mood? I appreciate it's sometimes hard to tell. If it doesn't seem to have helped it may be worth switching to a different antidepressant.
It's true the reduced libido could be due to a depressed mood, citalopram or other factors such as relationships with others.
Re: @Didimum's suggestion, in fact if you sought a private opinion a psychologist would not advise on antidepressants, a psychiatrist would. It would probably cost £300+.
Your wife could ask the GP to request advice from the GP's linked NHS psychiatrist (at no cost). The problem's been going on a long time so this is fully justified.
A change from citalopram to an antidepressant less likely to cause reduced libido, eg mirtazapine or vortioxetine, could be considered. If trying to conceive, always worth checking the bumps website for the latest info on meds and conception/pregnancy. Or a trial of switching to another SSRI antidepressant eg sertraline or fluoxetine (Prozac) could be considered. These 2 can also affect libido, but quite often they don't.
Wishing you all the best

Original poster

LadShropshire · 08/11/2021 18:41

@Tal45

If you're frustrated it's obviously not the intimacy you're missing so have a wank and get over yourself, why would you even bring up cheating if you love her. You sound like a dick.

Is she taking it for depression - you say conception issues but that can't be right. Is it the depression or the ad's that have affected her sex drive? Is she concerned about the loss of sex drive? If so reducing the dose or the timing of the dose might help or if not changing ad's might be the answer. Talk to her about it and see how she feels. If you can't cope with the 'frustration' then do her a favour and leave her, don't cheat on her and blame her for it when she's already suffering.

Congratulations on the most judgemental post of 2021.

I’m a dick?

Depressed as we can’t conceive - and the ADs mean we won’t as we now don’t DTD.

Of course I miss the intimacy- that’s what the frustration is borne out of.

Wow - it must be great to be as perfect as you.

OP posts:

Didimum · 08/11/2021 19:00

I think Tal is concerned by the cheating talk, and to be honest with you, it is a concerning to bring up as flippantly as you did.

It’s understandable for you to be sad, and frustrated with it, but if you are good partner then cheating shouldn’t ever be on the table - ever. Let’s not confuse ‘perfect’ with the ability not to cheat - that’s a pretty low bar.

Lady08 · 08/11/2021 19:43

@LadShropshire judging by your past posts regarding your partner, it really doesn’t sound like you should be trying for a baby.

loonietune · 10/11/2021 00:18

My ex posted something like this on here and everyone encouraged him to leave me ........ I was struggling with what I thought was perimenopausal symptoms, turns out it was just because he was so horrible to me about lots of things ....

Anyway ... unfortunately since I've been on the other side - the bigger deal you make of it, the worse she'll feel, she'll feel guilty and if she has to force herself she'll resent you.

Just have a wank.
If you love her, baring with her won't be an issue ........