Adventurous sex when relationship struggles

[YellowPetal]

NC for this

With my boyfriend since March, started as fwb from fab. Highly sexed couple. We started our adventures recently with MMF that went v well.

However our relationship is rocky atm and although we feel strongly about each other, I have some doubts.
We are exclusive but I am allowed to play separately and report back (I don’t want to do that separately as it does not sit well with my take on exclusivity).

despite our problems I still would like to carry on sexual adventures with him but I find it extremely hard to compartmentalise and I seem to push back on any adventures as I want my relationship to be back on track..

Should I just accept this is not going to happen with this person now, and give up on these adventures?

Op,
Exclusivity and you playing separately aren’t compatible. Is he, by any chance, also playing separately? – maybe behind your back? – is he still on Fab, for instance?

If your relationship is “struggling” and “rocky”, then I'm going to suggest that you need to sort that out before trying anything more "adventurous" with him.

In my experience, really great sex, including being adventurous, stems from A) complete honesty and B) the connection you have with your partner.

If you don’t have a good connection, or there are difficulties in the relationship, then sex, particularly adventurous sex, isn’t the answer.

I think you need to sit down and discuss boundaries together. Then you can establish if this relationship is workable. If you both want a different type of relationship, I don’t think things will work long term.

@AverageGuy thanks. That is what I thought, I raised it with him that exclusivity and playing separately is massively blurring boundaries . He doesn’t play separately, he does not have his fab account since we got together. We use a couples one for transparency.

We have trust, it’s connection that is struggling atm.

@YellowPetal - no problem.
Are you certain he doesn't still have a fab account? - I'm wondering why he's ok with you playing seperately, but maybe he just gets off on the idea. It can work for some couples.

If you want to stay with him, then you absolutely need to sort your connection / relationship out! What's changed? Why is it "rocky" Can you address the issues with him?

If you don't, things will deterioate, and you'll end up seperated...

@AverageGuy he’s just into vixen scenario. At least that is what I believe..

I am trying to address the issues but timing/distance is tricky - and I prefer face to face honest conversation to minimise miscommunication. Communication is not great atm, so I am trying to create some space before we go into a deeper conversation ..

@YellowPetal - Stag / Vixen - got it. How do you feel about that? Are you ok with it? It doesn't sound like you are, so maybe ther's a mismatch? (your body - your rules!)

Very different from a threesome!

Yes, face to face communication is definitely best - harder to take things out of context. If you want to save the relationship, make the time, and travel the distance - or at least meet halfway...

But yes, space to get your own feelings and thought striaght first is a good idea.

I am ok with that scenario as a fantasy and I definitely want to try it.
But will take any wisdom re why you think it is different from a threesome? Do you mean when my primary partner is not physically present?

My pace is slower than his, that is definitely a visible mismatch. I am taking my time to find the right people to experience it with.

Imho, Stag & Vixen is where one partner enjoys watching the other having sex, but doesn't (always) join in.

A threesome is where you are all involved.

It's good to know you are happy to explore & experiment! me too!
Just make sure you aren't doing something just for your partner.

It's hard to find decent, genuine, reliable people to have a casual relationship with, so when you do, it's just as much work to keep the relationship going as it is with any other kind!

Certainly not doing something that I am not comfortable with yet - like playing separately in an exclusive set up!

Agree re finding the right people - I have found it so I am very keen to work on our connection and relationship so we can fully explore our sexual desires. Rather than move onto another Fwb..

I've had two FWB from Fab. One for two and a half years that worked brilliantly.

It sounds like he's trying to tick off as many fantasies as possible. While he can. Most Fab guys are like that.

Let's face it. The problem lays deeper than the naughty stuff. You need to sort that out first.

All the couples I've had fun with on Fab are very much on the same page as each other. It sounds like you are not.

@GentlemanJay fair point. I think you are right