I want to but I'm nervous!

[Wantto]

I'm not hugely adventurous when it comes to sex, although I wish I was more so, I get embarrassed easily which seems silly considering I'm married to long term DH.

However, one thing that I'd love to try but can never bring myself to do is anal... He would like to as well but I am just too embarrassed (?!).

Has anyone ever felt like this and gotten over it and enjoyed it? I don't know what I'm scared of happening but I always bail out whenever it's suggested in the bedroom.

It’s something that can be seen as a bit taboo and requires lots trust to make sure it’s comfortable. I think the biggest worry people have is about it being messy, but it’s really not. Could you play in that area without actually having him fully inside you, maybe using fingers or toys. It can seem quite a brave thing to go from PIV to full on anal in one step.

What about starting with PIV and only moving to anal once you’re feeling excited and more relaxed? One of the easiest ways I’ve found (and good for you to have some control) is either you on top or laid on your back with legs up into your chest so it rotates your hips. You on top would be good to just play though, maybe allowing him in a bit but nothing too full on.

It’s not for everyone but there’s a lot of nerve endings up there so it can be hugely pleasurable and quite erotic when you take your time to get relaxed and eased in. Your DH will love how tight it is too, so it’s win win in my opinion.

I think that when most of us reflect on our lives we regret the things we never tried more than the things we had a go at and didn't really like.

I would say to you, 'What's the worst thing that could happen?' You obviously have the necessary trust and if you discuss and plan well beforehand, it should go well. The worst thing is that you don't actually like it very much.

Anal isn't like it appears in porn: things have to be taken slowly and with plenty of lube if there is to be enjoyment for both parties. I recommend the book 'The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women' by Tristan Taormino. View this as a project that you need to know as much as possible about before you undertake the act. Knowledge is power and in this instance knowledge will help both of you to really appreciate it.

Best wishes.

I think the biggest worry people have is about it being messy, but it’s really not. Could you play in that area without actually having him fully inside you, maybe using fingers or toys

I think this is definitely one of my biggest worries which is ridiculous because this is the man I literally wouldn't care if he came and talked to me in the bathroom whilst I pooped normally! 😂 But with this I feel really nervous and embarrassed.

I have actually played myself, just never with him.

Thank you very much for the helpful responses 💙

As xpc316e says above, KI donlt regret things I've done but I do regret somethings I havenlt sone.

Both my wife and I have both had anal sex once, before we knew each other, so with others.

Neither of us liked it or enjoyed it and now it is a no no in our relationship. However, I am glad I tried it, as I know I don't want to do it again.

I'd say go for it, as you say you both want to, but do have a safe word to use if you don't want to continue whilst doing it.

Are you on Instagram @Wantto?
If so, look up @hellojennykeane (or her website Jenny Keane). At the weekend she ran an online workshop called “All about the base” and it was related to anal pleasure/ anal sex. (In her workshops everyone keeps their clothes on!). She advises trying solo play first, so you can assess how you feel & how you like to be touched in that area. Then she talks about the practicalities of anal sex & the possibility of poo etc! She is fantastic at making all this very normal & accessible. Partners can join in her workshops too & she often has great feedback from partners who also ultimately benefit/enjoy her shared knowledge.
She recorded the workshop & will be releasing it as a bundle with other workshops too. Her Instagram is worth a look.

A new convert to anal. Absolutely love it!

I liked it with my ex but not with my new partner.

My new partner is considerably larger but I wasn’t fussed about that.
My ex never spoke about mess or smell and I genuinely believe there wasn’t any.

I prep myself before every time but with my new partner, there was a mess and he stopped and didn’t enjoy it 😔

I was mortified because I feel like I wasn’t prepared for that happening and his reaction to not being ok with it left me feeling really self conscious 😔

If ur both ok with it, give it a try xx

Use a condom, both for safety and mess.

While I would, of course, advocate condoms for all sex with partners of unknown health/history, this poster is contemplating having anal intercourse with her long-term partner in what I presume is a monogamous relationship. Therefore, I am a bit baffled by the mention of safety. Have I missed something?

As for mess, there probably will be no 'mess' if the poster has a bowel movement prior to anal intercourse. If a bit of faeces is a concern, then a simple douche with a bulb syringe beforehand will address that. A full-blown enema is not necessary, and may even make matters worse. This is because it can take quite a while for the enema that is trapped in the folds of the colon to make its way out.

I've done it a couple of times - used a douche as part of foreplay with my partner using it on me - we both thought it was ok but not something we'd do regularly.

Anal is our preference we do it multiple times a week. Of course there are times when things can get slightly messy but that’s just part of doing anal. But most of the time no mess no smell. We have used a douche a few times but mainly as a form of foreplay and could not be bothered to do it every time.

Question... how do you use a douche as foreplay? Genuinely interested

Well we treated it like any other toy - something to be shared - he 'cleaned' me whilst kissing and caressing

I've very rarely experienced mess during anal. Just keep a packet of wet wipes nearby in case.

We don't do it that often but if we're planning to I just douche beforehand. Exercise caution if you're using the special shower attachments designed for this purpose.... I stupidly turned it on full power and made a hell of a mess of the en suite shower! DP thought it was hilarious! 😳