What's happened to me? :(

[nosexdriveanymore]

NC for this but I'm a regular poster.

I'm a woman in my 30s in a 6 year long relationship, who has always had a very, very high libido. Previously I would have been unhappy with sex any less than 2-3 times per week. I was also highly sexually adventurous, for example my partner and I engaged in the world of swinging and couple swapping and I very much enjoyed it. I've always found my partner very attractive and he very much "does it for me" in bed, so no issues there.

However, we now have a baby who is 7 months old and honestly, I couldn't be less interested in my partner being anywhere near me. It upsets me so much because I was such a sexual person before my baby was born. I just don't understand at all why I feel like I don't want him near me sexually. I try, but I have to really make a lot of effort to enjoy it. Which was absolutely not me before. I still feel the urge occasionally, so to speak, but I'd rather use a toy or masturbate alone than have him involved as I just can't be bothered!

Is this normal?! When will my sex drive return? I miss it!

First off congratulations on your baby!

Re the libido it could easily be hormones tbh. Are you breastfeeding? I remember reading that can kill a libido temporarily.
I remember feeling the same way after DS was born, I just needed to get used to my 'new' body and for my hormones to settle down.

Are you getting enough sleep? Nothing kills my libido faster than lack of sleep. Is you DH helping out with the baby? If not resentment creeps in pretty fast!
Take sex off the table and go back to basics - just 'snogging' to start with and go from there. Take the pressure off yourself.

Anecdotally, its not abnormal.
If it bothers you, it sounds like you'd like to change the situation. So first, talk to your DP so he understands., and then talk to your GP or a qualified sex therapist.
Good luck. ❤

Nature has a way of giving your new baby the best chance of survival by reducing the chances of your giving birth again so soon after delivering your child. It reduces your sex drive.

Breastfeeding involves the production of a hormone called Prolactin and that suppresses sex drive. It is also produced in new fathers, believe it or not, with the same effect.

It is entirely normal not to want sex when one has a young child. Given your history, I am sure that your sex drive will rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

Best wishes.

7 months is still early days. Your body is still recovering from 9 months pregnancy and labour and, if you're sleep deprived or breastfeeding, it's that much worse.

But, believe me, it will come back. Both of mine were about 18-24 months when I got my mojo back and started to feel sexy again.

In the meantime, make sure you find other ways of being intimate with your DH. Kissing, cuddling, holding hands all ensures that you maintain a physical connection outside of sex.