Issues with getting/maintaining erection?

[Bubblegum89]

My husband and I have an okay sex life. My sex drive has always been higher than his and I feel like sex is a very important part of a relationship. We don’t have sex all the time as my husband works nights and I have a teenage daughter. In the past few months, it’s got even less because he has been having trouble getting or keeping an erection.

Sometimes he is absolutely ready to go and then he just loses it after 5/10 mins. Other times, it will just not work at all no matter what we do. Obviously I think it’s me, that he doesn’t find me attractive etc but he insists it isn’t me and he does get very frustrated and upset about it.

I’m trying not to put any pressure on him to have sex because I know that won’t help. And we can do other things besides sex. When he does get an erection, I don’t dare move for fear of him losing it so the rare times we are able to have full sex without him losing it, I don’t enjoy it at all. I know that if I do enjoy it and I change positions or something that it’s likely to go away so I do kind of just lie there.

I guess I’m just feeling a bit sad and frustrated. I would love to be able to enjoy sex without either of us worrying whether it’ll last more than a few minutes. I would say 90% of the time, it doesn’t last. If it was even 50-60% of the time, I could probably overlook it but considering we already don’t have much sex as it is, 90% is an awful lot.

Any suggestions as to why he could be having this issue and what we can try and do to help fix it?

It's not likley to be you. The male body doesn't work like that. There are any number of reasons why he may have this problem. He would be best to seek medical advice. If he's unwilling to do that he could try Viagra Connect which is available without prescription from a Pharmacy. It's quite expensive at about £20 for four but it is very effective.

@Bubblegum89 - you don't say how old your DH is, but it could well be that he is having ED issues.

Once you have that first "can't get" or "can't maintain" an erection, it can get into your head, and then that affects the next one and so on...

I'm 59, and occaisionally use Viagra, but it's more of a saftey net / psychological prop for me.

As the pp said, Viagra is available otc, so worth a try, be aware that it takes about 30 minutes to an hour to work, but remains in the bloodstream for about four hours. It's not going to give him an erection - some sort of sexual activity is still required.

A chat with the doctor wouldn't hurt. He can get Viagra on prescription, which reduces the cost significantly.