Open Relationships

[Desireforsex]

I have been with my DH for a long time, we have a great sex life, he knows my body well and satisfies me in every way possible but for a good while now, I’ve thought about including someone else during sex.
I don’t know how open he would be to this idea, I am also concerned that if it’s not something he’d want, it could change the way he feels about our relationship.
How would you approach this, or not at all?
I should add in my previous relationship, my ex, allowed me to explore my bi-curious side and we did end up having a MFM threesome, which he agreed to, I am aware though that this was a completely different relationship to the one I have now.

Surely it would just come up during intimate moments? Do you watch erotic stuff, if so hasn't he ever said 'I love to imagine you fucking another man/woman' or similar?

Not sure open relationships are a good idea as someone may find the other person more attractive than their regular partner but suggest sex clubs, swinging events etc to gauge his reaction.

Worms and cans come to mind but you wont know until you ask.

I often wonder if successful open relationships are the ones that start off as open compared with those that start off monogamous and them open up.

Nerja
It’s never been mentioned during sex, we don’t have a vanilla type sex life and we’ve experimented throughout but adding another person in the mix has never been suggested.

Wheresmymarbles
That’s what concerns me and in the majority of open relationships, it has started out this way, as was similar to my previous relationship but I wonder if people do end up opening their relationship years on and if it works for them.

My open relationship was the happiest time of my life, but I’m not a jealous person. At all. The one who struggled was the one who suggested it. Go figure!

My wife and I have had an open marriage for many years now and neither of us has ever been in the least bit jealous of the other having sex elsewhere.

It is something you need to discuss openly and very honestly and if you have doubts, either of you, I'd suggest not going down that route.

You will need to have rules, will you both just have 1 other partner, or several, if you meet someone new, do you discuss it with you OH first.
Is it just sex or do you kiss too.

My wife and I are both happy with the other kissing passionately the other person, but a pervious partner with whom I having a threesome with her and another didn't object to the other woman orally pleasing me but did when we kissed as she said that was 'too intimate'

Safe sex should always be followed and are there certain things you don't want to do, ie Oral , threesomes.

Talk about it but don't force it.

To bring up the conversation, could you try playing with a dildo while giving him a blow job? If you said "I wish they were both real" he might get the idea and you can could start the conversation. Maybe ask him if he'd be tempted to have sex with someone else if it was on offer.

When I was thinking about an open relationship, someone on MN said to think about whether you are essentially monogamous. If you are, don't do it. Bit ot sounds like you're not.

Good luck. ❤

If you do opt for an open relationship and you go down the threesomes route, you'll need to decided, if it's MMF or FFM, about how much sexual contact between either the FF or the MM.

I think I've said on another thread that in a threesome, FM penetration and cock sucking and pussy licking is generally a given, unless stated before hand, but you'll have to decide in advance if the two men or two women are going to have what my wife and I call, intimate contact.

You should also discuss whether you want anal sex, in any combination. You should know that before you start. It's one of the few no-no's with us.

Bedtimeisthebest
When I had a MFM threesome in my previous relationship, the focus was purely on me, no contact between my bf and the other guy, we did also have a completely different relationship. I did actually ask him how he felt about people who have open relationships and he actually said, it’s not really for him, we did touch on it a bit more but I now know he’s not open to the idea, so that has kind of answered my question.

OP - there are all kinds of ways to broaden your boundaries, that don’t have to go as far as an ‘open relationship’. Which in my definition allows both partners to be with others on their own. Open relationship of that kind is the most tricky and can lead to people developing feelings for others.
However - what you are talking about sounds more like some sexual experimentation, to spice up your sex life.

In what I have seen - it’s easier to approach it by bringing the idea of another woman joining you. It’s a cliche, but many men do have that as a very common fantasy. And it’s not threatening to their masculinity or you as a couple in their eyes.
You can define it as purely experimentation, not a parallel ‘relationship’.
If that works and you both end up enjoying it, maybe you can build to a different setup.

As to how to bring it up…. Does he know you have had bi experiences? If not - finding a good and sensual time to mention it could do wonders. Or - if moment doesn’t present itself naturally - do smth crazy and tell him you are bored and want to go to a strip club or a cabaret. Get a lap dance for both of you…

(Look up local swingers clubs or Killing Kittens - if you do decide to try it)

There is an app called Spicer that me and my husband use, it asks you all these sorts of questions, you both have the app on your phones and answer the questions, yes, no or maybe
At least that way you can start the conversation or get an idea of his way of thinking