Only ever one man

[marriedcouple]

Hi , can a wife/mum at 43 love her hubby but crave an experience of another man just once?
Even tho she does truly love and totally adore her husband ? We met at 15 at school and dated and married at 23. I love and trust her 100% and I know we will grow older together and still love each other. We are not swingers or swappers or what ever else. Just a normal loving happy married couple with kids and life is good. She's asked me in bedroom talk about if I could ever let her do some thing with some one else just as a one time thing in her life time. She's an amazing woman an amazing mum and wife to and if I could have my time all over again with her then I would . . With bells on ! She's not even asking me in a demanding way or a threatening way either.. she's almost asking me in a loving way .. any advice please .. thank you

Do I sound pathetic or weak ? Or less of a man or hubby ? What would it make me ?? But one thing I know for sure is that I love and respect her with all that I am Bcas she's given me and our children all that she has ... I need a drink of water !

@marriedcouple

Do I sound pathetic or weak ? Or less of a man or hubby ? What would it make me ?? But one thing I know for sure is that I love and respect her with all that I am Bcas she's given me and our children all that she has ... I need a drink of water !

Yes, a little.

Beware of 'if it ain't broke, break it'.

You have a stable, loving relationship that you have built on the basis of monogamy. Your sex life is built on this too. Don't underestimate how valuable these things are or how hard they are to create - or how easy they are to destroy.

It works for her as a fantasy too. That's great. I'm nearly 20 years married. Do I fantasize about getting it on with others. Yes. Absolutely.

But would I do it if I had the chance? No (and I have had that chance occasionally). It might be great. But I wouldn't going to risk two decades of marriage just to scratch an itch and for the same reason I wouldn't ever agree to DW doing the same. It's just not worth it, and Heaven only knows what we've gone though to get this far

Don't let your fine feelings for your DW make you ignore the very thing your relationship is built on.

No person or situation can MAKE you weak or unloving or less of a husband. Only you have the power to do that.

I think that a previous poster had an interesting idea for you, you could go to one of those clubs with the agreed intention of just looking. It may change her view of her fantasy. Either way. But you’d be doing something fairly risk free (emotionally) and you’d be doing it together. It may be enough for her? It’s possible that being in that environment would show you once and for all that the ‘sharing her’ thing is just not going to work for you, ever. But she’d be glad you tried to honour her fantasy I’m sure. Of course, you may find yourself attracted to the scene yourself. It’s hard to say until you try things, and trying things comes with it’s dangers.

It makes more sense to dip your toe as voyeurs than to invite Swingers over or pay someone. That seems a million miles from where your head is at the moment.

Talk about it over the kitchen sink dishes sometime. You’ll know soon enough if she’s serious, or if it’s a step too far for her in the cold light of day. In the end, no one on the internet can tell you if it’d work for you.

To me the short of it is - unless you find the idea of your wife sleeping with another person, either with your presence or not, exciting, stay well away.

Given the length of this thread and your replies I’d say whether you can admit it or not, you really don’t want this to happen.

@marriedcouple I’ve just seen you posted this thread on a different topic, two and a half years ago.
What conclusion did you come to then?

My DP and I have an open relationship. It can work but takes a lot of honest communication. It's inevitable that insecurities arise and you need to be able to talk openly about how you both feel.

I'd suggest you do your research. Read "The Ethical Slut". Watch some videos... I like these guys...

As a PP suggested, join Killing Kittens. There's plenty of people there who have been in your shoes and a "Toms Only" chat group if you just want to talk to other men about how you're feeling.

If you decide to go ahead, whether it's an ongoing thing or just the once, there absolutely have to be rules and boundaries which you trust each other to keep.

@marriedcouple

The idea of your W being with someone else clearly excites, rather than shocks you OP. But you seem to be ashamed of it.
There is no reason. It’s OK to feel that way. You are both adults, it’s consensual, and you have a strong loving relationship.
It definitely doesn’t make you any less of a man, and if anything is a sign of strength of you and your relationship.

@marriedcouple

I completly agree with what @Jsku posted.

There are so many different kinds of relationships out there - don't feel that you are "odd" or "abnormal" or "weak" for looking outside what is considered a "normal / classical" relationship.

It's obviously something your DW has fantasies about - have you discussed your role? Where do you see yourself if it where to happen? in the room? wathcing? joining in? something else?

I'm an occasional third for a very happilly married couple. They have an amazing relationship. He likes to watch, and occasionally join in, but it's all about her pleasure, and they are completely in control of what happens / what doesn't.

BTW you can privately / directly message a poster by clicking the "message poster" link above each message. If you think I can help at all, feel free.

I don't know how to do that

@marriedcouple

I don't know how to do that

There are three blue dots on each post, on the bottom right hand corner, click that and it will show the option PM, click on that and it will allow you to send a private message to that person.

or there is a "message poster" link on each post (or at least, there is for me... I see Add Message, report, message poster, see all

@AverageGuy

or there is a "message poster" link on each post (or at least, there is for me... I see Add Message, report, message poster, see all

It depends if you’re using the mobile version, or web version. I suspect OP can’t see what you can see because he’s using the mobile version like me.

But I don't have 3 dots.. can some one try messaging me please

@marriedcouple - pm sent!

@Lady08 - aha! Yes, that would explain it! Thanks.

@marriedcouple - there should be three blue dogs at the bottom of each post, next to 'bookmark" - click on then, and one of the options is PM

Hmm yeah u posted this 2 years ago..haven't things moved on from then???

If the lady was intent on being deceptive wouldn’t she have done it behind hubby’s back?

I think she sounds very genuine.