Initiating

[Sleepyhungryfattyanddoc]

I can’t always be bothered initiating sex anymore because it always feels a bit clunky and forced
The sex is always good but but after 10 years and with busy lives it typically just starts with ‘wanna have sex?’ Or something else that kind of takes us from mundane folding the laundry or whatever to having sex straight away. I’d like it to feel a bit more intimate, or at least not always be exactly the same.
But If it’s anything too subtle DH will almost certainly miss it…there has to be a middle ground though?!
How have you initiated sex this week??

I usually just get on my knees and pull dh’s trousers down.... if we’re in the lounge watching telly.

Thanks @MsWalterMitty, I always feel we’re a bit 0-60 in that way, but maybe that’s just normal?

I just get a second of awkward / social anxiety in that moment just for a second I think. I don’t know why. I feel like an awkward teenager like I may be doing it wrong

😀 I know exactly how you feel!.... Dh and I can often just spend ages lying together on the sofa stroking each other, knowing that we both want to go further but neither ever initiating! It feels too samey after a while so I’ve started taking better control over initiation!

It’s easier if you share a bed, but we don’t as dd, who’s only little often sleeps with one of us 🙄

Ah, I know what you mean. My DP has never rejected me sexually and every time I initiate I feel nervous that he won't want to!! Usually if we're lying having a cuddle in bed or on the couch I will just start stroking his skin lower and lower or kiss him on the neck or go for a proper snog to signify what I'm after!

Omg that makes me feel so much better
I’ve honestly spent years thinking there must be an issue in our relationship / sex life to get over, because I get nervous and we don’t always initiate. I can’t believe other people feel the same sounds stupid now I say it

We were the same. Them we both stopped initiating. Then we stopped having sex. Then the physical intimacy like sitting on the sofa together disappeared. Then the emotional intimacy disappeared. Then we ended up in separate rooms. Now we're probably going to end up in separate houses.
Or that's my horror story. I hope its not yours. ❤

Sorry to hear that @Estherpologist

We had a couple of years virtually sexless due to some medical issues, but managed to remain intimate in other ways and so I hope we don’t follow the same story. But I suppose that’s why we do feel a bit awkward initiating
I hope it all works out for you however it goes

I'm convinced what stopped us sorting it out was that we stopped trying. You're trying to work out how to make it better, and that's better than us. I just offer my experience as a cautionary tale. ❤