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Original poster

3rd time having sex and it’s been shit

23 replies

WishICouldCome · 15/09/2021 23:28

3rd time in a row with soon to be husband and it’s been shit. I’ve been busy so we haven’t had sex much, so when we started having sex again, it got sore quickly. Usually lube (stings/) helps but we just haven’t had the chance to get any. I explain to him that we should move from foreplay and missionary to doggy (a position that could truly get me wet) and he says “ahh really? i’m reallyyyyy enjoying missionary” so I go along with it. Then when it’s finally time for doggy, it’s extremely uncomfortable. So I just tell him to hurry and come. But in a nicer way. In the meantime I “firm” the uncomfort, but it’s starting to get depressing. When we finish, i’m inevitably moody, because who enjoys average/below average sex. But he acts as if it’s my fault, despite me suggesting a different position. I’m early 20s and surely should be enjoying sex, not loathing it.

What should I do?

OP posts:
Mxflamingnoravera · 16/09/2021 07:27

Don't marry him.

Tal45 · 16/09/2021 09:00

Don't go along with stuff that hurts you. Don't marry him until this is properly sorted. Have an honest conversation telling him that you're not enjoying sex at the moment and tell him how you want sex to be.

Getting sore quickly could be due to an infection so I'd just get things checked out - or maybe it's because you're anticipating crap sex and so not getting turned on? How was the sex before? Has it ever been good?

Violet869 · 16/09/2021 10:36

It sounds like the soreness is due to insufficient lubrication. If you’re getting married and your sex life is like this already, it won’t get any better. You need to communicate and tell him what you want, not whilst you’re having sex.

Pazuzu · 16/09/2021 11:14

If you're resenting sex before the marriage, God alone knows what you'll be feeling in a couple of years time.

Talk to him. If he's not willing to change, personally I wouldn't be marrying. Life's too short and it will only end in tears.

Viddy2021 · 17/09/2021 15:35

Run.

Helloandhelloagain · 17/09/2021 18:24

This isn’t a good sign at all and no you should not be feeling like this . It should feel nice . It doesn’t have to be mind blowing every time but it should feel good for you .
Sex can get better in a relationship with communication and trying new things; however this isn’t what I’m getting from your post he doesn’t care . That says a lot ! Move on you’re young .
Missionary is a position that works for some, I personally hate it never happening in any relationship I’m in and I couldn’t care less what the bloke wants . Plenty of other good ways to have fun 😉
Your way to have fun ……. Move on

Plumtree391 · 17/09/2021 18:48

It sounds as though you have gone off him. It happens. Don't marry him, wait until you find someone who is really right for you and you for him. You shouldn't start a marriage this way.

Having said that, I went off it a few weeks before marriage; in my case, it was pre-wedding nerves.

Guavaf1sh · 18/09/2021 00:17

How come you’re marrying someone you’ve only had sex three times with?

Marieg1990 · 18/09/2021 05:00

@Guavaf1sh "How come you’re marrying someone you’ve only had sex three times with?"

Completely agree. How sad to get married when you have no knowledge of what sex will be like for the rest of your life. How long have you known him @WishICouldCome

CosmicUnicorn · 18/09/2021 06:33

Do not marry him. I made the mistake of marrying a man who was below average at anything sexual and I never enjoyed it. I’d only been with one other (didn’t really count as it was only once) and didn’t have the experience to compare to. I didn’t get turned on by him as the years went by and fell into a sexless marriage of over a decade!! And, I am an attractive woman - even at the age of 49! There were other issues too but he was a nice person so I felt guilty wanting to end it.
Many years of feeling frustrated and unfulfilled came to a dramatic end when I hit the menopause years. I could no longer stand it. I ended it after 24 years of marriage after having my head turned by someone else etc. I regret living years of unhappiness and pretending everything was ok on the outside when, on the inside, I was dying inside.

Do not marry him. You’ll know the right one when he turns you on at the drop of a hat (as I discovered).

CosmicUnicorn · 18/09/2021 06:35

PS. He never made me come and couldn’t get me pregnant either (even though all tests were fine for both of us). Had to have artificial insemination to get pregnant.

CosmicUnicorn · 18/09/2021 06:37

@Viddy2021
Exactly!!!!!

chocolateonmyface · 18/09/2021 10:11

You said lube stings, that suggest la something is wrong. You should see the doctor, ghat might help if there is a physical cause.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 18/09/2021 15:59

Yeah the lube stinging is not right. Get to a GUM clinic asap. It could be any number of things. Your vaginal health is important.

But more importantly DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN!

It should not be like this.
You'll know when it is right.
When I met my DP, I got so lubed (naturally) I soaked through my jeans.
With my previous partner I needed to use lube and it still wasn't enough.

Plus, he is fucking inconsiderate. Marry in haste. Divorce at your leisure.
Whatever. Just don't get married.

tootootaataa · 19/09/2021 19:47

When I read this, my toes want to curl.

Do not marry this man. Life is too short for shit sex.

Plumtree391 · 20/09/2021 02:14

@CosmicUnicorn

PS. He never made me come and couldn’t get me pregnant either (even though all tests were fine for both of us). Had to have artificial insemination to get pregnant.
Poor bloke, nothing like feeling inadequate, much.

It was hardly his fault that you didn't become pregnant during sexual intercourse and aren't we supposed to be responsible for our own orgasms? You say he didn't turn you on which is a basic requirement as it all starts in the mind. It takes two to tango.

Not a very kind way to talk about the father of your child, especially as you say he was a nice chap.

BlossomingSlowly · 20/09/2021 16:11

It's worrying that you're in pain, though it could just be due to not enough lube of course. Do you have painful and/or heavy periods? Just asking as pain during sex can be a symptom of endometriosis, as can painful and heavy periods. Might be worth chatting to your GP about the pain.

I'd also say you need to have an honest conversation with your partner and explain that it causes you pain sometimes which makes you struggle to enjoy it. He should be accommodating to your needs and not want to proceed if you're in pain. If he isn't - red flag!

Hope things improve OP Thanks

Pinkbonbon · 08/10/2021 20:52

Don't marry him!

You're already having sex that you are not enjoying with him just for his pleasure. That's your clue that someone is absolutely not the right man for you and that you are not ready for marriage anyway because you should be saying no to that.

When you tell him he needs to do more foreplay or adjust for your pleasure he literally tells you 'but I'm already getting pleasure so no' - that is not a big man any woman should stay in a relationship with. Let alone marry.

Run. And work on your boundaries (as you grow this will happen naturally, you will learn what bs you shoild not tolerate. Early 20s...you just aren't there yet. FFS dont marry anyone yet!).

Pinkbonbon · 08/10/2021 20:54

*not a man
Dunno where bug came from lol

Pinkbonbon · 08/10/2021 20:54

*big
Ffs

Freddy12 · 21/10/2021 21:16

Another Don’t marry him from here
If you man does not want you to have amazing sex with him find someone who does
You are young so lots of time to find someone who really cares about you
What you described is someone who does not give a shit about your enjoyment
This will get worse

Izbizbiz · 21/10/2021 23:27

I don’t know if vanilla sex is a reason to not get married but the fact that he isn’t considerate of your feelings definitely is.

Other posters have suggested speaking to him out of the bedroom and I agree with this approach. We all have egos so the last thing I’d want to hear when I’m literally laid bare is that I’m somehow hurting my partner.
That’s not to say you continue in this way to stroke his ego in the meantime. What’s done is done but in my opinion, it can’t happen again.
How would you feel about taking charge and being responsible for your own arousal? Telling him what you need him to do, ask him if he’s on board and tell him what you are willing to do for him BEFORE any penetration?
It’s certainly my experience that some men think of bjs as foreplay - enough stimulation before the main event. Not many want that to be the main event every time. Perhaps this is his approach. Women tend to need to do their thing first so explain that to him. 1 of 2 things will come of that. 1 he will learn or 2 he won’t care.

You can better make a decision once you know

Good luck x

thumpingrug · 21/10/2021 23:55

Hi

Its pretty much all been said by now. At your age you cannot commit to spending your life with someone who is willing to disrespect you in such a way. End this and move on.

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