New Partner with ED

[howtodojustaboutanything]

I've met a guy and we've been dating for a while. It's becoming evident that he has ED. He can get hard but can't stay hard for sex. He does orgasm from blow jobs or hand jobs. He's started using headaches as excuses or too much to drink but I suspect it is ED.

The last time we saw each other we did everything but sex and it was very relaxed, but in all honesty I'm gagging for it!!

I really like him and hope this is the one so how do I bring up this subject without scaring him off?

Just tell him what you've just told us - it sounds caring and important.
And do it when you're in the car so he can't run away.

Providing he has no underlying health issues it may just be a confidence thing and over the counter viagra will solve the issue. Important to get a check up if he has high blood pressure or diabetes etc etc but so long as he is healthy the magic pill will almost certainly get him hard..

Have a calm chat with him and say everything you've said here ,but ultimately if he wont seek help or try to improve the situation it would be a deal breaker for me.

@Inthesameboatatmo yes I originally thought it was performance nerves but it seems to be consistent. I really like him and him me so I want to approach it sensitively but really do need him to do something about it soon or at least discuss it. Everything else is just perfect

Well alcohol is a massive erection preventer/killer, so if he's having even the slightest hint of ED, alcohol will make it a lot worse.

Does he drink regularly or is that just an occasional thing when he ends up using that as an excuse? Even one drink might be enough to make the difference between staying hard or not.

But are you saying he stays hard for hand and blow jobs, just not for PiV? That might indicate a psychological issue.

@altmember yes he seems to lose it half way through anything but has finished with handjob or blow job. Sex is of course more awkward when he goes soft halfway through.

He's not a big drinker at all as far as I know - one time he'd only had a beer so I didn't think it was alcohol related.

If he's struggling to keep it up anyway, then one beer might make all the difference between functional and floppy. So if he's always had a couple if drinks before you start getting down to it then maybe try and catch him sometime when he's stone cold sober and see it that helps.

Otherwise Viagra and Cialis are easily available online, you just have to answer a basic medical questionnaire to place an order. So there's no excuse for it, but you should obviously broach the subject gently with him.

Maybe just tell him you'd love it if the sex went on a bit longer? You could tell him that you'd love it if he would come inside of you. But beware that there might be psychological issues at play - some men are put off by that because of the risk of pregnancy (even if fertility or contraception should be preventing it). That he also goes soft during hand and blow jobs suggests it more of a simple stamina issue though.

Originally I thought performance nerves, then that he didn't like condoms but last night was the same, he'd had no beer, but was saying he was stressed. Which I think is an excuse we had such a great time but I'm just so frustrated!!

I need to have the conversation. I have no idea as to what he's thinking and the longer it goes on he must be thinking something is not right. I was thinking of starting off with 'we need to talk about sex' - in a neutral area I.e not in bed or before bed.

Arghh it's so difficult

Sounds exactly like a porn addiction to me.

You might want to post this in AIBU or Chat.

I didn't think that Ed through porn addiction was a thing?

He can get it up but struggles to keep it up for any length of time.

@SimplySteveRedux

Sounds exactly like a porn addiction to me.

You might want to post this in AIBU or Chat.

Nowhere near enough information to come to that conclusion

Talk to him is your best option

Could be any of the following ....
-he is actually stressed
-he can't tolerate alcohol even if he hasn't had any he could of had some the day before

• performance anxiety
• possibly not that into sex and just like other fun parts of it
• already 'sorted himself out' before seeing you

However best option again i will state is to talk to him