Advice needed from people involved in open relationships/poly/swingers

[Keepingasecret1]

Looking for a bit of advice from anyone who's polyamorous or been involved in the lifestyle.

I'm a single guy - divorced a few years back and, feeling burned by the experience, have sworn off serious relationships for now. A few months back, someone I'll call B, joined the company I work for. We're similar ages, hit it off and became friends on Facebook. Whilst its not explicit, there's a lot of hints on there that she's in an open relationship - something she also alluded to when, during one of our chats, she suggested I get dating again.

As it happens, I read a thread on here where someone was asking where to find a FWB. As I said, I'm not sure if I want a full-on heavy relationship right now, but do miss sex and would hate to lead anyone on. Someone on the thread recommended Fabswingers. Curious I checked it out. Lo and behold, I see a couples profile in my area that almost certainly apears to be B and her partner (one of the photos is an exact match to one of her Facebook photos with the head cropped off).

Back at work, B gets another job. Before she goes she tells me I'm the sort of guy she finds attractive. We agree to keep in touch. I suggest meeting for a coffee in town. She invites me to her place to meet up with her and her partner.

I'm not going to lie, I do find her attractive and if a "no strings attached" relationship were on the table I'd be tempted. But I also wonder if I should make it known that I've seen her profile on FabSwingers? Should I just be up front and transparent? Or should I pretend I don't officially know and just meet up and see how things go?

Any advice appreciated!

@Keepingasecret1
Why not message her / them on Fabswingers, and drop a hint that you think it's her? That way, if you are right, she / they will know you are starting out in the lifestyle (congratulations, by the way, you won't look back... ), and if it isn't, you might get to meet someone else! a win-win situation! ;)

Or, next time you message her elsewhere, drop a hint like "I think I saw a FAB photo of you"..

@AverageGuy I guess I just worry it might come across as a bit stalker-ish, or that it might freak her out that someone she knows has discovered that side of her life without her telling them. Do you think she might be a bit more chill about it all?

If it is her, then I think it'll be fine. Particularly if you are subtle.

If it's not, a decent message to a couple could lead to other things..

What do you have to loose?

[quote AverageGuy]@Keepingasecret1
Why not message her / them on Fabswingers, and drop a hint that you think it's her? That way, if you are right, she / they will know you are starting out in the lifestyle (congratulations, by the way, you won't look back... ), and if it isn't, you might get to meet someone else! a win-win situation! ;)

Or, next time you message her elsewhere, drop a hint like "I think I saw a FAB photo of you".. [/quote]
No don't do that. If freaks the hood ladies of Fab out. Read the forum posts for evidence.

Suggest to her in real life that you are not ready for a full relationship. That you miss a ladies company. That you want to meet ladies who like yourself want to have the odd fun date without the ties of a relationship.

Look her in the eye and ask her if she knows anyone who would fit the description. Don't say another word until she replies.

@AverageGuy

If it is her, then I think it'll be fine. Particularly if you are subtle.

If it's not, a decent message to a couple could lead to other things..

What do you have to loose?

Have you any idea how difficult it is to meet anyone on Fab?

No, I wouldn't mention that you've seen her (them) on fabswingers. Just take up her offer of meeting up and see where it goes. Sounds like she's dropped a lot of hints.

Just be aware that you'll be swinging with a couple, not just a single woman. So make sure you're comfortable with what they might want to occur - at the very least it's likely he'll want to watch, and may well even want to join in. Stronger than that - he might be bi and want to be actively involved with you as well. If their Fab profile has enough detail, you might be able to deduce their expectations beforehand.

If mixing it with a couple is more than you want, then you'd probably be better off with Tinder. Plenty of people on there only looking for hookups, just need to be clear with one another.

I thought it was relatively easy to meet people from FAB.
I wouldn’t mention you’ve seen her profile no, that would freak me out and come across as stalkerish (speaking as a female!)
Continue contact and see where things go from there.

Thanks everyone. I'll take your advice and keep contact.

@altmember her partner says he's straight on their profile and happy to do separate room swapping - that said, much as I can't believe I'm admitting it here, I've always had a bit of a fantasy of being in a MFM threesome so could well be tempted!

I considered Twitter, however whilst I'm not ugly I'm not conventially handsome nor fit nor do I have amazing charisma - people tend to go for me who've got to know me and/or felt chemistry and you can't convey that on a profile. The more eye-catching guys might be a minority, however since we're talking casual flings I imagine they're probably able to meet demand!

@Keepingasecret1 - Everyone has different tastes, so some may not be attracted to you but there will be others that will.
I would put yourself out there, you may end up pleasantly surprised.

Good luck and most of all, have fun!

It's incredibly difficult to meet anyone on Fabswingers if you are a single guy.

There are hundreds of single guys on the site, so ladies and couples are spoilt for choice.

@Violet869

I thought it was relatively easy to meet people from FAB. I wouldn’t mention you’ve seen her profile no, that would freak me out and come across as stalkerish (speaking as a female!) Continue contact and see where things go from there.

That's because you are a woman on Fab. There are men who've been on there 18 months and have not met anyone.

Just be clear. Big difference between MMF where the guys play together, and MFM where the guys don't.