I have name changed apologies. Warning may be graphic and depending on reader may be triggering

[Namechangeapologies]

warning - might be triggering please do not read if you think might be.

I am really looking for a male point of view here.

So I am new to a relationship; about 8 weeks in.

Tonight we have had sex. For me the first time in a while.

I was quite tight due to lapse of time but it was OK.

He applied KY and took it slowly. I have to say he enjoyed it more than I did from the sounds of it. He says he prefers being on top or the woman being entered from behind. He did go slowly but he did feel very big. I guess (strange I suppose) I am asking for a male point of view.

He did make a fair bit of noise (I am ususally totally quite quiet).

Is this normal and if it is not how should I change it? He said he likes somethings which I did but I am unsure whether to continue doing them .

I was watching Raducanu on the TV and he said he wanted sex.

It was from behind.

It is a new relationship.

This relationship is going nowhere isnt it?.

It's really not clear what you're asking or what the "problem" is.

Didn't you want to have sex? Had you discussed having sex before? Did you talk about contraception and sti checks etc?

Are you asking if him making a noise is normal? Are you asking if him having position preferences is normal?

Eight weeks in isn't that new. What about this makes you feel the relationship isn't going anywhere?

How old are you?

I am 50.

I am very fit. In that I am a low bmi and I exercise every day.

I am really looking for a male point of view on sex.

I was ready enough (moist) for it but ...
Urghhh

Am really looking for male POV.
In other words you would prefer someone younger....

i was ready for it.

but he was big.

I dont know.

i regret it,

Cool story bro

Not male but some people are more vocal than others (personally I like a bit of noise). It sounds as if you are not really into this relationship and are overly concerned about him when you should be looking after yourself. You obviously didn’t enjoy the experience, tell him or just end it.

Hi @Namechangeapologiesdoes, do you think that you might be overthinking this a bit? Which part are you worried about?
I think the positions that he likes are reasonable/normal - do those positions bother you? Do you feel he’s trying to exert dominance or something similar with those positions? Did he ask you which positions you prefer?
Him being big would win over many many female posters on here (it’s a frequently discussed topic 😁) and it’s something he can’t change obviously, but he sounds like he was being considerate & went slowly.
In terms of making noise/being vocal, I again think that’s normal & nice to know/hear that the other person likes what you are doing. It’s sometimes hard to judge if the person is enjoying themselves if they are quiet or don’t say what they like/enjoyed.
Why do you regret it OP?
Why do you think it’s going nowhere?
Was this experience very different to what you’ve been used to in the past?
(I am female btw but I’m sure there will be male posters along at some point to give you their thoughts).
I hope you’re ok OP.

OP You state that you have not sex for a while taking this into consideration sex is not great the first time it is like wine it improves with age. I would wait for a few weeks and then reflect on the experience. A good start that he used KY maybe a change of lube might liven things up!

Sorry should have mentioned male viewpoint

I'm so sorry OP! I've just popped swimming & I heard the news on the radio! It's just clicked what you are referring to as I swam up & down. 🙈
So, you & new partner were watching the young 18 year old female win the tennis. He then wants sex from behind. You are asking if he is imaging he is having sex with her? This is why you refer to being fit & healthy but are wondering if he wants a younger woman?
Mmm, I do think that fantasies are normal and if they are around doing things sexually, it's ok to share them with your partner. I also think it's normal to have fantasies about other people (famous or otherwise) but personally I don't think it's wise to share these fantasies with your partner!
When you refer to your age, you are asking if he wants a younger woman. What is the chance of this happening in real life? I imagine he is a similar age to you. We often hear woman talking about famous men that they fancy (George Clooney, Brad Pitt et al) but there is no possibility of a relationship with them. I think a fantasy about a person is similar to porn in that it's not actually real life & quite unlikely to happen.
I'm not sure how helpful it will be to you to hear from men who might say the tennis player is hot & forms many of their fantasies.
I think it would be more helpful for you to be confident/secure in yourself. As you say, you are fit & healthy and the reality is that you & your new partner have the opportunity to build a relationship, if that's the way you want this to go.
Is this what you were getting at?

He said he likes some things that you did but you’re unsure if you should continue doing them?

Please don’t feel obliged to continue doing something, unless you enjoy it.
With regards to him preferring someone younger, he is with you, whether he has a preference or not. He is clearly attracted to you, to have sex with you.
Maybe you’re overthinking things. If you didn’t enjoy it, be honest with each other and make it known what you do and don’t like. It’s early stages of your relationship, you have plenty of time to build on having a satisfying sex life.

I just asked DH about this, btw he won't post himself. He thinks seeing lithe athletic females is a bit of a turn on. But, BUT, actually admitting to that kind of thing is a bit off.
Wanting to have you from behind; that for us is our favourite position. It is also nice to do it around the house, fine.
When we were younger, it was frequent for a quickie, elbows on the table, high heels gave the right position.
I always wore skirts and stockings because I liked to. Ooh! I think I will look out the old red ones, real fuck-me heels!

thanks for all the replies.
I guess I put 2 and 2 together and made 5 about much of the circumstances surrounding this.

for example the "from behind" just made me think he didnt want to look at my face so he could think about her which I cannot really know for certain.

he has made comments in the past about me not being "comfortable in my own skin" which I think is true to some extent.

Part of it was also linked to my divorce about 7 years ago - my ex husband had an affair and left me for her. One of the first signs that he was having an affair was he suddenly started being much more adventurous in bed especially keen on sex from behind (i think might have been linked to the fact he had suddenly started watching loads of porn when I was out with the kids etc). I feel like it is not fair on this man i am now seeing to conflate thing in my own past with what he is doing now. I have also got this unshakeable belief that all men without exception want much younger women if they have the choice. And again i cannot figure out how much that is true and how much is my (possibly warped) perception of the situation.

Male point of view. Sex from behind is very visual for a man. Ahem...the view before entering is very erotic and it is easy to see ones penis sliding inside which is also rather a turn on. For me not seeing dps face is the downside as we can't kiss either but we usually try more than one position. From behind also allows the man to get quite deep! I can't comment on noises but I do make them and so does dp. As for tennis players...Id rather remember my youth and the Athena poster. I prefer older women as I am 50+...my dp is 54. Either way unless you have good reason to suspect otherwise it sounds to me as though he enjoyed sex with you and not some random tennis player and was prepared and hopefully gentle and considerate. Obviously if you didn't enjoy it or feel it is going nowhere nows the time to be upfront with him and say so....you don't need to give a reason!

Thanks Sparklybloke I appreciate your point of view.

I think I am just very confused about whether my feelings towards this are actually all inside me and nothing to do with what he did. And if that is the case then there is reason to finish it too because eventually it will all become a bit of a head f**k for both of us (no pun intended).

I think the dominated thing is a factor too. I struggle with it a bit because I think I am intrinsically quite traditionally feminine (i.e. I enjoy the sensation of being dominated/entered etc) but at the same time that domination kind of freaks me out and makes me feel out of control.
Same goes for how big he feels inside me - on the one hand i love that sensation and on the other hand it does freak me out.

I must have enjoyed it on some level because I went to the trouble of putting on nice lingerie and letting him undress me etc so I obviously wasnt freaked out at that point.
He does say things to me that make me feel he is quite a bit more sexually experienced than i am - like "Just because we could does not mean we should" etc in a tone as if he is treading carefully because he can see my confusion.
He was quite vocal and asked me why i didnt make much noise at the end of it - no answer to that one i suppose - it is just not really me (beyond some fast breathing i guess).

and he sent me an email later saying "I am a bastard aren't I?" to which I immediately thought (and replied) "I dont think that at all - if anything the opposite"

@Namechangeapologies

and he sent me an email later saying "I am a bastard aren't I?" to which I immediately thought (and replied) "I dont think that at all - if anything the opposite"

Did he say why he said that?

On the face of it, it looks like you had consensual sex eight weeks into a relationship between two adults. Which bit of it makes him a bastard?

I like sex from behind, it's never crossed my mind to think someone doesn't want to look at my face, or to think about someone else.

I wonder if you might find some counseling helpful?

Vangough

i think you are right I might need counselling.
Whilst he was inside me I did think about how my ex husband did very similar things / similar position etc before he left me for his affair partner (I did not know about her at the time).

At the time I just thought he was spending all day on pornhub whilst I was out of the house and wanting to recreate that. It was a long time ago tho - i wonder if i am just using all of that as an excuse not to get into a new sexual relationship now.

Unless you suspect otherwise I would assume your new beau is into sex with you....and happens to like it from behind....hopefully he also likes other more intimate face to face lovemaking too....

Sparklybloke
I hope he likes more facetoface as well. It is such early days i find it difficult to know and due to the length of time since i previously had regular sex, i seem to over think things too much which itself could be a bit off putting. I think i need to stop myself thinking about it and focus on the physical aspects of it.
Ironically he did mention the exact thing you said above about watching it going in and that being a turn on.

You say that you are fit. How do you like it on top of the man? You will see each other then.
I am a bit older than you, could never manage it properly even when 25. A friend says she can't either, she collapses on bloke giggling and he starts grumbling.
But in films woman on top often signifies passion and abandonment.

Wanda, I do like being on top.
That was my ex husbands favourite position and somehow my thigh muscles got much stronger from always doing that position because i was doing all the work so to speak. He also liked it because i had mastered a technic which always "got him over the line" namely moving so he was only just inside me - somehow that was the stimulation he liked the most.

Obviously i am not sure the same will be the case for the man I am seeing now.
And if he asks me to dress up in a women's tennis outfit that might end up freaking me out of course! (he hasn't said anything like that....yet)

Read your own post back to yourself. reassure yourself that you will be a success.

Did it take you all the way?
You will be great, he will go wild. you might have to handle him a bit carefully to enter if he really is big. I think he will enjoy that in itself.

You will be in charge. Repeat YOU will be in charge.
When is your rematch? tonight.

Wanda
There is a lot of truth in your perceptive post.
I think I do have a tendancy towards being passive which is not always helpful and can be somehow self fulfilling.

i didn't have an orgasm last night - no.
but that is not particularly unusal for me. The most powerful orgasm i have ever had was when my son was conceived and that was missionary position and i have no idea what happened then which made me climax so strongly. i do think a lot of the time during my marriage the focus was on him climaxing and less on me. (it sounds a bit twisted, unhealthy and disfunctional (which it was) but i found the sensation of him climaxing quite erotic in itself)