Sexless marriage due to health reasons

[boingg]

This is the situation I am in. I'm interested to hear from others who are in the same or similar situation and how you cope. My husband is impotent after cancer surgery and although we have regained some sex life, it's not great and will never be the same again. I struggle to cope with this. I am early 40s and he is early 50s. It's not his fault and I don't blame him, but also I feel like no one really appreciates how it affects me.

@boingg Firstly, hugs & for your situation.

I met a fwb in 2019 who's previous partner couldn't perform PIV due to various operations that left him without all of the necessary equipment. Before he passed away, they had developed a satisfactory sex life where they experimented with toys, and other methods of pleasure (oral, masturbation etc). I was her first PIV lover in six years (!)

Short answer is that you do not have to have a completely sexless marriage, if DH is willing to put the work in, but you absolutely need to talk to him about all this, and get him on side.

If you don't think you can survive without PIV, you could also discuss an open marriage, but again, he will absolutely have to agree, and it could put an enormous strain on your relationship, but it might work for you both. I'm not going to suggest an affair.

Communication is, as in most relationships, key. Think about what you want, talk to him about what he wants - be open and honest with each other - it's the only way you can work something out that will suit you both.

Good luck!

Hi @AverageGuy thanks for your kind words, that's really helpful advice thank you.

Great advice from AverageGuy. If you do find yourself in a position where you seek some sort of additional sexual satisfaction outside of your marriage, I would strongly suggest that you do not end sex with your husband. Sex is, in many cases, the currency of love, as well as being a basic physical need. It is a method of confirming our partner's desirability and our love for them, so it probably needs to happen in some form or other (but not PIV) if you are to continue in a happy marriage.

Best wishes.

There is loads you can do together apart from PIV. If this is off the menu and you feel you do need it then if your husband is on board why not buy a strap on. There are all sorts of shapes and sizes! That way he can at least penetrate you and be close...just a thought...and much less of a leap than him being asked to let someone else take his place IYSWIM....seeking satisfaction elsewhere could work or could be a disaster...