Thank you for replying and understanding. I didn't know if I was being unreasonable in my reaction.
I want to point out that he knows what he's done is wrong. I've spent most of today inn silence ignoring him, or shouting at him about how upset I am with his behaviour, and not once has he disagreed with me.
We've had a massive chat this evening and he's suggested that he needs to seek help.
He is a wonderful husband in every other way possible, but we have a mismatched libido and it's caused issues before. He would have sex everyday, twice a day if he could. In the early days of our relationship we did have a full time sex life, but we're older now, have teens and I just thought by his age (50) things would have settled by now and this constant need for sex would have diminished a bit.
We've been together for nearly 19 years, have two teens and I'm heading for my mid 40s. I don't want sex everyday. He knows this but will always have a go into trying to initiate it. I know I'm not enough for him, but I try to be.
Our sex life isn't boring. We use toys regularly, we are adventurous, we've experimented and I know what I like, and he knows what I like, I also know what he likes, and I also know I don't do everything to/with him he would like.
I don't think he watches porn, but it wouldn't bother me if he did, I just don't understand why he does/did what he did today.
We've argued in the past about his way of waking me, how it's creepy AF that his go to is pawing at me (we both sleep naked in bed for the most part, I will wear underwear when I'm on my period) but today was different. I was fast asleep, I was dreaming and bam, I wasn't anymore and just felt used.
I asked him if he knew I was asleep, and he confirmed he did know I was.
I love him with all I have but the constant pressure I feel under to satisfy his needs is all encompassing.
Today I suggested we consider having an open relationship so he can get his needs met elsewhere. I never dreamed our relationship would ever come to something like that, and it would kill me if he decided to find someone else to satisfy his libido but I can't see how anything can change. For the sake of what we have I would deal with it but God it would kill me inside knowing he would be sleeping with someone else.
He said today that I'm all he wants, and he knows his behaviour isn't reasonable and it's his issue and it's not fair on me.
Over the years we've joked about how he's a sex pest, but really it's not a joke. He is and today has brought that to the forefront.
I don't have anyone to talk to about this, to those looking in we have the perfect marriage, and for the most part we do. How do you bring up an issue like this without making him look like a pervert. I know someone mentioned sexual assault, and I know it is, but I can't think that he is that type of person. He's my sole mate, the father of my children and I love him and I know he loves me. I'm not excusing his actions, there is no excuse but he's not a bad person. He's reaction to my reaction has shown that, but that isn't enough.
I keep wondering, what would have happened if I hasn't woke up. Would he have continued, would he have tried to penetrate me further. I just don't want to think of the what if's because this is the man I love, who I put all my trust into and it bloody hurts to think my feeling mean so little.