Are Affairs Ever Justified

[EchoFallsRose]

I know most affairs involve emotions but I know affairs evolve mostly around sex. I have always been against infidelity but I can now see how affairs happen and why and that sometimes the reasons are justified (I know this is probably not a popular opinion.) I am in a position where the sex side of my marriage is pretty non-existent, over the last few months, I have initiated sex twice, DH on the other hand hasn’t attempted to initiate sex with me. I haven’t had an orgasm for a very long time.
I can now see the appeal of an affair, the excitement, the desire, the passion, everything that is missing from a sexless marriage. I can also see the other side, the deceit you have to carry and knowing at some point you will get caught. I now don’t know whether if my head was turned, I’d be able to say no and I now understand why people find themselves having affairs.

What are people’s thoughts on affairs, based purely on sex?

@MissNothing1991

No. They are not justified. Ever.

I would suggest that yours is a very simplistic answer. The pp who describes a situation where the wife is severely disabled and unpleasant but the husband continues to be the carer and will not abandon her whilst having a relationship outside of the marriage is one I wholeheartedly feel is justified

@EchoFallsRose

I know most affairs involve emotions but I know affairs evolve mostly around sex. I have always been against infidelity but I can now see how affairs happen and why and that sometimes the reasons are justified (I know this is probably not a popular opinion.) I am in a position where the sex side of my marriage is pretty non-existent, over the last few months, I have initiated sex twice, DH on the other hand hasn’t attempted to initiate sex with me. I haven’t had an orgasm for a very long time. I can now see the appeal of an affair, the excitement, the desire, the passion, everything that is missing from a sexless marriage. I can also see the other side, the deceit you have to carry and knowing at some point you will get caught. I now don’t know whether if my head was turned, I’d be able to say no and I now understand why people find themselves having affairs.

What are people’s thoughts on affairs, based purely on sex?

From reading articles on psychology today, the reasons can vary

A married friend doesn't have enough sex in his marriage. He's tried to discuss an open marriage with his wife, but she shuts him down. They nearly split 5 years ago over it. He decided to find a FWB instead as everything else in their marriage is "perfect".

I keep telling him it can't be perfect because you're constantly lying to your wife about something so vital. He says his FWB is saving his marriage, as it means he's not dissatisfied. He doesn't have the guts to be honest with her and tell her what he's doing, and divorce isn't what he wants at all, as they have a 10 year old and he's really happy in every other way.

We can't talk about it anymore, as I get really cross with him.

If sex is so fundamental to you, then let your partner in on the conversation too before you act on anything.

Well done OP for not acting on your frustrations. Maybe seeking counselling together could be an option?

@EchoFallsRose
Just wondered how things were and if you’ve made any decisions…

@Wherearemymarbles

The problem is you’re talking. Situations like this need ultimatums. It goes like this. I am not living the shit show any longer. These are the options

1. Decent, willing sex life xxx times a month
2. Open marriage
3. Divorce.
4. I have an affair

There is no option 5. And choosing option 1 and not following through will result in option 3 or 4.

I realise above may sound simplistic in the extreme but it will save you from years of misery

100% this ^.

To answer your question though, no affairs are never justified.

I joinef a dating site a few months before exdh and I split up. Chatted to a couple of guys but didnt meet anyone.
Exdh knew how unhappy I was at the infrequency of our sex life but he didnt care. He was abusive and this was part of it(He had also cheated on me)
I dont agree with cheating but I can totally understand how people can end up in situations.