Open marriage/relationship - Do your friends know?

[bedtimeisthebest]

My wife and I have had an open marriage for over 12 years now and it really works for us.

We've both got our own friend with benefits, and we have a relaxed attitude to us having sex with others, albeit within certain rules.

However, no one in either of our families, no one at work and with a couple of exceptions no friends (except those we share benefits with) knows about our choice.

Does anyone on here, who has an open marriage or relationship share this with others and if so what is the reaction?

When I've had long term FWBs my friends knew I wasn't exclusive although they had met my FWB on many occasions.

The ice was broken at one gathering when my FWB said that she saw other men. I think it was the first time my friends genuinely realised I wasn't "stringing her along".

@GentlemanJay - Did it not bother you that your FWB was seeing other men too?

@bedtimeisthebest - I don’t have an open relationship but I think it’s best to keep it quiet, people can be judgmental about things like this, so best to keep it personal between you both.

[quote HoneyRose87]@GentlemanJay - Did it not bother you that your FWB was seeing other men too?

@bedtimeisthebest - I don’t have an open relationship but I think it’s best to keep it quiet, people can be judgmental about things like this, so best to keep it personal between you both.[/quote]
No. We lived an hour away from each other. She saw others and so did I. We were honest without rubbings each other's noses in it.

It worked perfectly.

I've told some of my close friends who have mostly been supportive and non-judgemental. There's been lots of curiosity about how it all works!

However, it's not something I'd share with family or colleagues - I just don't think they'd understand.

My family and my colleagues don't know, and certainly wouldn't understand. Lots of my good friends know, which is nice. Just a month ago I was able to take two dates to a friends wedding 💕

@SirenSays

My family and my colleagues don't know, and certainly wouldn't understand. Lots of my good friends know, which is nice. Just a month ago I was able to take two dates to a friends wedding 💕

That's interesting.

I've vaguely mentioned open marriages to friends and they don't like the idea, that's why I keep it quite.

Family certainly would disapprove.

My wife, my FWB and her mum all went out for a meal last year and we explained the relationship to her mum as 'colleagues'.

“Open relationship” does not describe me but l do have a bi side; I’m right down the middle on Kinsey.

When it comes to sex my motto is discretion, passion and privacy. Only those I’ve had intimate celebrations with need to know.

That works best for me.

I'm polyamorous, and my friends all know. my parents also know, though they don't 100% understand - they kind of see it more as an open relationship/sex thing, rather than multiple, loving relationships. doesn't help that i only have one long term partner at the moment (who they've met) after my other relationship (of about two years) ended earlier in the summer, before I'd told them. I think my mum's main concern is that i'll be 'old and lonely', and she sees it a bit as my partner having his cake and eating it.

my friends are all pretty supportive, even the ones in very traditional marriage with kids and a picket fence type relationships. initially, a few of them just saw it as the multiple dating that you do, and that i would eventually 'pick one', and then with time realised that i wasn't going to, and that the relationships were serious. when my ex and I split up, i was worried that people wouldn't see it like a usual break up, because I had another partner, but i definitely underestimated them. they were ace.

All of our friends know; and most of our friends are non-monogamous to some degree or have been in the past - it’s just the sort of social circle where it’s the norm. I’ve told my mum and whilst I don’t think she understands it, she’s always rathered that I am happy than that I am conventional. I accidentally divulged to my SILs (a couple of Christmases ago after a glass of wine too many) by mentioning my girlfriend; and their reaction was essentially “well, it wouldn’t be for me as I’d get too jealous, but fair enough if it makes you happy.”

I’m not “out” at work purely because I don’t think it’s particularly relevant. But my FWB lives very close to my office and we go to a lot of bars and restaurants in the area so it’s entirely possible at some point one of my colleagues will see us together (and probably get the wrong end of the stick and think I’m having an affair - at which point I suppose I’ll have to explain.)

I met an ex colleague, quite by chance, the other day and we had a coffee together.

Out of the blue, she told me that since we last met, about three years ago, her and her husband had opened up their marriage to others. I think she expected me to be shocked, but when I said my wife and I had opened up our marriage many years ago, (whilst we were still colleagues) she was surprised.

She asked how open it was, and I said we say 'ajar' as opposed to open but we both have FWBs and occasionally others.

She has suggested that her husband and her, and my wife and I, meet up next weekend for 'mixed doubles' as she put it. I asked my wife and she wants to do it so we have a date in our diary.