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Sex

Vaginal looseness casing lack of sensation

18 replies

namelessman · 25/08/2021 01:20

I love my gf to bits, and we have a great sex life. Except - I literally can't feel a thing during penetrative sex with her. There's so little sensation that I can't even tell if I'm inside her. If I penetrate her from a really extreme angle then I can usually get a bit of sensation from one side. She's had a couple of kids, and I know that can cause changes down there. But so have most of my previous partners in recent times, and never experienced this with anyone else.

Because of this I rarely orgasm through PiV with her. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I fake it (just tell her that I came when she asks), often we just give up without finishing. She always has a couple of orgasms herself before we even get to PiV, so she's always satisfied, no issue there. And she enjoys the penetrative sex, usually has more orgasms, so I don't think she's aware of any lack of sensation.

Early on in the relationship she asked if it was her fault that I wasn't reaching orgasm during sex. Obviously I lied and told her that it was entirely my issue (and anyway, at that stage I wasn't aware of the looseness, just assumed it was a lack of sensation on my part). I'm not sure if she believed me, but I know she finds it immensely frustrating when I don't orgasm (as do I).

But I've come to realise that inside of her vagina has a very large diameter to it, there's no tightness at all, just the entrance which does feel normal. When I stimulate her with my fingers I can put 2/3 of them inside her and spread them right out without any resistance or being able to feel the both sides. Now I think my penis is a fairly average size, but even if I had a massive one I don't think it would touch the sides here.

I know she did have some tearing during birth of her last child (10 years ago), and had reconstructive surgery, which I presume was successful for that issue. She's also due to have more surgery in that region in the near future - for something totally unrelated, but which is will affect vaginal shape/support. So there's a real chance that could make things even looser.

We talk fairly openly about intimate matters, but I just don't feel I can tell her about this. I've hinted at pelvic floor/kegel exercises a few times, but she doesn't have any continence issues so doesn't see any need for them. I think that also suggests that an internal prolapse couldn't be the problem?

Everything else in the relationship is great, and the passion and sexual chemistry is amazing apart from this issue. Is there a way to broach this subject without offending or upsetting? Should I just keep my mouth shut and keep faking it?

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FortunesFave · 25/08/2021 03:51

I think that at this point it might upset her. If you'd said something earlier it might have been ok...but you'll need to prepare for her being upset if you do speak up.

You could use her upcoming surgery as an 'in' to broach the subject I suppose. What surgery is it that she's going to have?

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BasicDad · 25/08/2021 09:47

I dated someone like this a few years back. Normal entrance to the vagina, but somewhat expanded and natural hollow shape inside. Much like you said, she had all the sensations, lots of orgasms, squirted and was usually in a quivering euphoria by the time we'd finished.

With a bit of adjustment I figured out what worked. Anything that caused pressure on the upper wall was great, so it was all about the hip angles and position.

Deep prone bone (excuse the position name!) with a pillow under the hip was great. Her on top grinding/rocking really deep was interesting as this was touching (not pounding) her cervix, and I could feel myself kind of flicking over it. This was incredibly sensitive for her too.

But if I lost the angle, it was easy to become unstimulated again with PIV. I wouldn't say it was a massive issue, just required a bit more tweaking along the way. Even with that, the sex was actually incredible as our chemistry was amazing and was into all sorts of kinks.

So, to my advice after getting lost in reminiscing. Keep trying new positions and angles. If she wriggles about and kills the angle (current dp does this enjoying herself too much), perhaps a little more dominance and hold her in place a bit firmer (or arms/hands). Then maybe try the kinks. Anal will give you and her a lot of different sensations, and sometimes can be as/more pleasurable/intense for a woman than PIV.

I do think you need to have the conversation though. She sounds like she's having great sex, so I'm sure she'd be good to discuss. Just be gentle with lots of reassurance that it's not uncommon.

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namelessman · 25/08/2021 13:15

@BasicDad

I dated someone like this a few years back. Normal entrance to the vagina, but somewhat expanded and natural hollow shape inside. Much like you said, she had all the sensations, lots of orgasms, squirted and was usually in a quivering euphoria by the time we'd finished.

With a bit of adjustment I figured out what worked. Anything that caused pressure on the upper wall was great, so it was all about the hip angles and position.

Deep prone bone (excuse the position name!) with a pillow under the hip was great. Her on top grinding/rocking really deep was interesting as this was touching (not pounding) her cervix, and I could feel myself kind of flicking over it. This was incredibly sensitive for her too.

But if I lost the angle, it was easy to become unstimulated again with PIV. I wouldn't say it was a massive issue, just required a bit more tweaking along the way. Even with that, the sex was actually incredible as our chemistry was amazing and was into all sorts of kinks.

So, to my advice after getting lost in reminiscing. Keep trying new positions and angles. If she wriggles about and kills the angle (current dp does this enjoying herself too much), perhaps a little more dominance and hold her in place a bit firmer (or arms/hands). Then maybe try the kinks. Anal will give you and her a lot of different sensations, and sometimes can be as/more pleasurable/intense for a woman than PIV.

I do think you need to have the conversation though. She sounds like she's having great sex, so I'm sure she'd be good to discuss. Just be gentle with lots of reassurance that it's not uncommon.

Yes, those are the sort of angles/positions where there is a bit of sensation, but often not enough to get me to orgasm. And anal is 100% off the table due to medical reasons (also the reason that future surgery will be necessary, but not going into further detail on that).
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B1rdflyinghigh · 25/08/2021 17:56

It sounds as though she's going for surgery to improve the rectovaginal septum. This is the muscle between the vagina and anus. Currently you're probably finding that her vagina is too wide because this muscle isn't there. This often happens during an episiotomy where this muscle is cut or torn. If it is this surgery, you will find that she becomes tighter afterwards.

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namelessman · 25/08/2021 19:48

@B1rdflyinghigh

It sounds as though she's going for surgery to improve the rectovaginal septum. This is the muscle between the vagina and anus. Currently you're probably finding that her vagina is too wide because this muscle isn't there. This often happens during an episiotomy where this muscle is cut or torn. If it is this surgery, you will find that she becomes tighter afterwards.

It's not that surgery, it's proctectomy (removal of rectum). So effectively the opposite of improving the rectovaginal septum - removal of it instead. Causes the vagina to lose support and it's likely to make things even looser/vague in that area unfortunately. Obviously her health is far more important that my sexual gratification, but I know she'll be upset about anything that negatively affects our sex life.
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Sparkybloke · 25/08/2021 20:59

Such an op won't be being performed unless necessary..we don't need the reason....if I was in your shoes id be thankful that my dp was even vaguely interested in sex let alone piv. Be gentle and supporting while she recovers and when intimacy resumes be very gentle...piv while fab is not the Be all and end all....she can use her hands or mouth of even boobs too. She is as she is I would love her as she is for she sounds amazing.

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FortunesFave · 26/08/2021 00:52

After an op like that, anyone's sex life would change. You can work together and see it as a fresh start when she's healed. It will also allow you to discuss different positions and options. Not all couples can orgasm through penatrative sex anyway....a lot don't. Mutual masturbation is a good alternative too. You can tell her the feeling has changed once she's healed...and make her know that it's not her fault and you still love her/find her attractive.

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Halloaten · 26/08/2021 11:49

Maybe you've got a really small cock and she's faking all these orgasms too and doesn't know how to tell you

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outdooryone · 26/08/2021 15:49

Just as on the larger penis thread, vagina's can vary hugely.
IME as a man I have had one partner which I would agree with the OP's experience. It was just larger and looser.
While deliciously enjoyable with fingers and tongue, when combined with a lot of wetness, PIV was just not as intense for me.

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Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 26/08/2021 20:37

If she isn't tight enough to get enough clitoral stimulation (internally at least), I find it impossible to believe she is having all those orgasms. She's almost certainly faking it too. I think you both need to be upfront with each other as you will both be unsatisfied long term.

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Stigofthedump40 · 27/08/2021 20:32

Pls dont fake it.. women can tell.. really tell

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ohthatbloodycat · 06/09/2021 19:45

Guaranteed her orgasms will be faked. Sorry if that sounds unkind, I don't mean it to. But if you're not feeling it then neither is she. It's time you both had an open and honest (but respectful!) chat.

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AltitudeCheck · 07/09/2021 11:10

Totally disagree that she's (definitely) faking it, if there's external pressure /friction / grinding that might be enough for her to orgasm. PIV sensation isn't essential!

I'd be honest and explain that sometimes there isn't enough 'grip' for you and discuss what positions/ angles work best or what other things you could try. I would hate to think someone was faking it, especially if there were things that could be tweaked to make it work!

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Sparkybloke · 07/09/2021 17:02

Might be worth remembering that this poor lady is to undergo a really radical operation, a consequence of which will be changed to her insides that she can do nothing about. The fact that she even wants PIV sex seems to me to be amazing...I'd just be happy she came through the operation personally...

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workshy44 · 07/09/2021 19:22

I don't think there is any way the relationship will survive if you mention it. Would you hang around if she said you had a tiny penis and she couldn't feel it, no matter how delicately you put it
My advise is to work on positions that create more friction, do other things. That or break up as I wouldn't be able to look at someone again if that said that to me let alone sleep with them
You need to decide what is more important

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PermanentTemporary · 07/09/2021 23:49

I was told this and I'm afraid I never forgot it. It would be like a man being told he's so small I couldn't feel anything.

Do you ever notice a change if she does a kegel-type squeeze?

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namelessman · 08/09/2021 13:49

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea and @ohthatbloodycat: her orgasms definitely aren't faked. Most of them are during foreplay anyway, before we get to PiV, but she does still come that way as well (sometimes that takes a bit of extra clitoral stimulation, but not always). She is highly sexual and I can sometimes make her come just by playing with her nipples.

@Workshy44 and @PermanentTemporary This was my thought too, telling her could easily be a relationship killer, and there's no way I'd want to risk that when everything else is amazing, even the sex is still good in every other way. We have a chemistry that I've never experienced before, it's just the physical sensation of PiV that's a bit lacking.

I don't think she's been doing any kegels. I did gently suggest it once, in a round about way, but didn't want to dwell on it since she doesn't have any of the other issues that kegels are traditionally recommended for. Although she has now been referred to physio as they've told her kegels are recommended as preparation for her next surgery.

One thing I've noticed is that she does get very during foreplay (a good thing generally!), and we usually have quite a bit of that before getting on to PiV. I think she's so wet that it's almost overlubricating things and possibly reducing sensation. It usually feels better when the foreplay is shorter, which is a bit of a dilemma when we both enjoy that part so much. Not sure I could get away with drying her off before we start PiV though!

Another thing is that she likes sex to be hard and fast right out the gate, and I like to take it a bit slower and build up to towards the climax. I do wonder if the hard and fast early on is subduing the sensations for me a bit.

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PermanentTemporary · 08/09/2021 17:29

Hm, yes Id agree that going slower and gentler so there's more time to try different movements could really help. What's side by side like for you? I find it does different things for me compared to any other position and dh used to like it too. Or with her legs completely closed (maybe after entry)?

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