Marriage becoming sexless

[namechange87682938]

I've name changed for this because I'm embarrassed to be talking about it but I don't know where else to turn.

We've been married 7 years and have 1 20 month old DS. We are both young (late 20s/early 30s) and both work full time. I understand that life happens but really getting down about this.

I haven't changed much in appearance other than I'm older. I'm fat but I was fat when we met so this wouldn't appear to be the issue.
To be honest I know the issue. DH is taking medication which will cause this but refuses to discuss anything with anyone about it.

I've brought it up gently a couple of times but I don't want to make him feel bad about it. We probably have sex every few months if I'm lucky and he has to initiate as he always knocks me back. Our sex life was a huge part of our relationship prior to this and we were quite adventurous so this is a massive change.

It's been like this for over a year now and I'm reaching my limit, except there's apparently absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Can he speak to his doctor about changing the dosage or switching to a different medication? Does the medication give him ED or suppress his libido?

He's on AD's and they can do both. He doesn't want to change because they're working for him which I totally understand and I don't want him to be unwell but it's really difficult.

I was on ADs for a while. It was so great just feeling normal and happy rather than anxious and overburdened all the time and I'm stil very afraid of getting like that again. The ADs also ruined my sexual function - no desire and sex itself felt either numb or actually unpleasant, and the fact that I couldn't perform any longer got into my head. Your DH may be feeling all those things.

What helped us was lots of non-sexual physical intimacy; perhaps that will create a space for you and your DH to talk. I was also willing to sort DW out. If that would work for you, perhaps it's something your DH can offer although it isn't the same.

The only complete solution is coming off ADs and I hope your DH's GP has a plan for that.

I've no experience of ADs, but have been on the receiving end of a sexless marriage.
All I can say is deal with it now before it gets unfixable and ruins the rest of your relationship.
I agree with @Catullus5 about lots of physical intimacy. Has all that gone, or is it just sex that's absent?
From personal experience, I'd advise you both to talk to a sex therapist. Look for one who's a member of COSRT, and will talk to you both separately and together.
How you get your DH to buy into that is difficult. If he still cares for you and you can explain how important it is to you without him feeling he is being blamed, then it will hopefully be possible.
Good luck. ❤

thanks for the replies. I know he loves me. I think he just feels like it's his fault. Which it isn't. I've said as much to him. There's no plan at the moment for him to stop taking them which I get. They're really working for him, he's doing much better in general.
I've always been quite a physical person I like the closeness, I love a cuddle. He'd be happy without that but we came to a compromise early on that we were both happy with. I just know I can't go on like this forever.
We've discussed speaking to a counsellor before but we've struggled to set up a time we're both free because of our shifts. I'll have another look into it and see if I can figure anything out.

If he feels like it's his fault, doesn't he also believe that he needs to put things right or mitigate them in some way?

Was the compromise before he was in ADs? Would it help if you renegotiated it?