DP doesn't 'direct' me and I am finding it hard to know what he wants?

[SafeMove]

DP always ejaculates, says our sex is amazing and says we have a brilliant connection in bed. I am very satisfied and happy, I orgasm multiple times, sometimes to the point I am squirting etc. I tell him what feels good, where to touch/lick, what I need basically.

We tend to have oral sex (BJ, he goes down on me and rims me) as foreplay first before PIV. We are both so into it that the actual PIV bit is quick. BUT - DP doesn't tell me what to do in bed! I am not used to this at all because most of my long term partners have said 'Do this, change position, go faster/slower, put your mouth/hand here' etc. DP says nothing during sex but 'You are so good at this' and 'I am going to come'. It is always me who suggests we change position etc. I have said 'Do you like this/want me to do x,y,z?' but I just get 'Yes'. I don't know if he likes anal play, I talk about it and it makes him come but I don't know if he would want to do it. I know he has never come in anyone else's mouth (was in a 13 year relationship before me) but mine so I suspect he just doesn't ask for things?! When I say 'Is there anything else I should be doing for you?' He just replies that he is really happy with our sex life?! Do I need feedback or direction or would you just let it go?

That all sounds pretty good to me, personally I’ve never ‘directed’ anyone so directly and just kinda gone with the flow.
If he has previously been with someone for a long time, maybe he doesn’t know what he likes and is just enjoying the sex.

Don’t really think you have anything to worry about
(Maybe I’m a bit boring as well… )

@JustAnotherOldMan no, it is not boring. I think I am just used to abusive, selfish, domineering men (which is tragic!) and DP is neither. I just want to return the favour of a good sex life. Thanks for replying.

Partners like this drive me mad, I want more communication. I would get around this by telling him to physically show me what he wants, or playing sexy games where he's in control for the night. I'd drop the open ended questions and be more specific like Do you want to cum here or there..?

That is a good idea @SirenSays I have tried to refrain from taking the lead and not touching him first to try and make him guide my hand/mouth. Maybe I need to hold my nerve!

I feel similar to this. My husband is amazing at pleasing me and he does take the lead. I have no idea what he really likes and I don't know if I am that good at it.
I've told him my fantasies etc and we've been acting them out but they are all focused on me. He says he loves giving me pleasure. But I want to return the favour!

@Hlgwsbytktu

Exactly. DP knows exactly what I like, when and how to do it. I don't feel privy to his thoughts or feelings on a range of sex acts and I want to know them! But after three years I feel like he isn't going to let me know this stuff, but should I push him?

You know what he wants. You're already doing it. He's told you this, so why don't you believe him?

Do you doubt him because previous lovers have always been instructing you? Is that something that's undermined your confidence?

Or is it just that you'd like him to be a little more forceful in bed?

No, I don't want him to be more forceful at all. I just want him to make his needs/fantasies/desires known IYSWIM?

Does he lie there passively until you do something? You mentioned changing positions- does he not flip you over/ throw your legs around his neck or whatever? Basically- is he giving directions without speaking?

The only directions my DP has ever given has been a very slight pressure on my shoulders when he wants me to head south (not that I usually need the hint tbh ) but will instigate a position change or whatever.

I'd find it very off-putting, tbh, to be told all the time to do this or that- I think I'd kind of assume that what I was doing wasn't up to scratch.

No, actually he doesn't. I tend to go down first and he does exert the tiniest amount of movement but then he will always say 'Shall I go down on you now?' respectfully, or he will move me physically into a sitting position etc. I think he does show it but not in words but movement. Thanks @Shodan that has made me feel a lot better!

@SafeMove I'm glad you feel a bit better- I think you should, because you're clearly rocking your partner's world!

@SafeMove
If your partner is a penis owning person, his desire is probably to have lots of good sex by the sounds of it, you have all the bases covered in that department

@Hlgwsbytktu

I feel similar to this. My husband is amazing at pleasing me and he does take the lead. I have no idea what he really likes and I don't know if I am that good at it. I've told him my fantasies etc and we've been acting them out but they are all focused on me. He says he loves giving me pleasure. But I want to return the favour!

Tell him your fantasy is to please him?

Would it help more if you told him you would like him to be more dominant and take control? He can still do that with loads of respect and love, and not like your prior relationships.

most of my long term partners have said 'Do this, change position, go faster/slower, put your mouth/hand here' etc

I’m so, so grateful I’ve never experienced this. What an awful, awful turn off. If any man had ever done it he’d have spent his last night in my bed. You’re having excellent sex, if it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it!

By the sound of things you are already giving him sexual pleasure beyond anything he's ever experienced. For me, it sounds like he wants to be dominated if he's asking those sort of questions, so sit on his face, squirm around and have your fun don't ask him what he wants, just keep doing what you are doing. From what you have posted he's more than happy. If there are things you would like to do then just do it, he'll tell you if he isn't comfortable with it.

@Blossomtoes

most of my long term partners have said 'Do this, change position, go faster/slower, put your mouth/hand here' etc

I’m so, so grateful I’ve never experienced this. What an awful, awful turn off. If any man had ever done it he’d have spent his last night in my bed. You’re having excellent sex, if it ain’t broke don’t try to fix it!

This can be very sexy if done right.

For you perhaps. Not me.

I’m afraid I agree with Blossomtoes, too much talking and direction would ruin the mood for me.