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Don't know if I've ever orgasmed

20 replies

NameChangingObviously · 13/07/2021 23:26

I know I'm going to get lots of replies saying if you don't think you have, you've not-which is what I'm guessing anyway! But I read a Betty Dodson article recently about expectations being so hyped up you may have had an orgasm and not realised.
I've never been aware of any obvious rhythmic pulsing feeling, but DH says he can sometimes feel my muscles tighten a few times or quiver. I think I'm expecting an absolute explosion but I honestly don't know what more I can do. I've tried pushing through and just get to a point where I physically can't anymore. I never feel a complete sense of being done, but usually feel I do reach a sort of peak that I come down from, flushed after etc. Last time dtd I physically jerked back three times, tried to keep going but eventually just couldn't, my ears were ringing after and my lip was quivering/tingling, so I feel like I'm not there but don't know how I could possibly have kept going.
I'd appreciate insight/advice.

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Whatliesbeneath707 · 14/07/2021 06:00

Hi @NameChangingObviously. If you are on Instagram look up @hellojennykeane or go to her website (Jenny Keane). She has recently posted about this & gets lots of messages from women saying the same. She actually runs orgasm workshops (everyone keeps their knickers on - it’s not a practical workshop!) online & seems to get really good feedback on it.
Also the book by Emily Nagoski - “Come as you are” might be worth a read. You can get it on Kindle. .

SirenSays · 14/07/2021 14:20

Here's a fun little hack for you to try. Look into a mirror while you're playing, if you're having an orgasm you might be able to see your pupils dilate 👀

Letsbeeavenuee · 14/07/2021 16:29

I feel like you know because it's a spasm almost and you just feel amazing and it literally is like your body looses control for about ten seconds.

I do orgasm alot in various ways. I'm guessing you've tried lots of things? Do you ever sort yourself in any way? I know it sounds bad but I can make myself feel way better than any man ever has.

NameChangingObviously · 14/07/2021 18:56

Thanks for the tips, I'll check out that girls Instagram too.
@Letsbeeavenuee yes tried different things. Usually end up with DH going from behind and I've a bullet vibe I use at the same time because that's what feels best for me-DH happy with this too! By myself if I cross my legs and squeeze together I do get sort of waves of pleasure and I wonder if this could be a clitoral orgasm? Feels good but I don't know 100%! That's where I wonder if my expectations are unrealistic or it's actually not happening

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Lovemusic33 · 15/07/2021 16:19

Sounds like your almost getting there but not quite, when you feel you can’t go any further maybe you can bit almost stop yourself?

I went a long time with out having one (several different partners, wondered what I was doing wrong) but I knew when it did happen 🤣 and I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to mistake it.

HPFA · 22/07/2021 21:07

I sometimes used to wonder this before I had a kid as I always used to find the build up better than the conclusion!

After giving birth they just felt so much better - I realise now I was having them before - they just weren't all that good.

cookiecreampie · 25/07/2021 01:05

Sounds like you're experiencing the build up, but not the climax. You would know for certain if you had. I suggest experimenting with a few different vibrators.

honeybuns007 · 25/07/2021 16:29

What do you mean 'could keep going'? Do you mean you couldn't handle being thrust into anymore or have your clitoris stimulated anymore as it became unpleasant?

Crinkle77 · 25/07/2021 23:51

I agree with the other posters. You're almost getting there but not quite. If you orgasmed you'd know about it. It's thd most intense, pleasurable feeling ever. Tbh I can't really describe it. It's like there's something stopping you. Have you thought about counselling?

PermanentTemporary · 26/07/2021 20:16

I simply don't believe in orgasms you can't identify, and tbh even if they exist what good are they??

After a lot of experimenting, I put my fingers inside myself while masturbating with a bullet, and I realised that when I was getting very close, I pulled back from the peak - in fact it turned out that I genuinely had a fear of wetting the bed (I had no idea I thought this, but there was a sharp muscular pull back which I connected with a thought about urinating in my mind). You might not think the same thing but you might find it helps to feel what's going on in there. I have quite a lot of quivers and contractions long before I actually get there too.

irresistibleoverwhelm · 04/08/2021 01:20

When I'm going through a stressful time or am overstimulated I sometimes have orgasms that I can feel physiologically happen, but it's like the sensation cuts out at the last moment, and I don't actually feel the pleasurable sensation. I know the orgasm's happened because I have the muscular release and the endorphin rush, but I feel cheated because the actual sensation hasn't happened somehow. Could this be a little like what you're experiencing? I find that it sometimes happens if the stimulation is too much or if I rush the build-up.

NameChangingObviously · 05/08/2021 10:00

Hi I didn't actually realise I'd had more replies-apologies!
I was thinking to maybe try a wand vibrator or if anyone has any other suggestions?
@honeybuns007 sometimes I just literally get too tired to keep going (after some time!) and often it's the sensation I can't take any more clitoral sensation as you mention.
I don't know if I'm stopping myself but I do go round in circles between trying not to think about it, or other times just trying to relax into it, other times purposefully trying to tense up. It just seems whatever I try to think or not think mentally on some level I'm hoping it will happen this time.

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ohwhattodowithmylife · 05/08/2021 10:07

I could have written this, I'm exactly the same. Not sure if I have or haven't- always a sense I am climbing the hill but never quite get over it

NameChangingObviously · 05/08/2021 10:37

@ohwhattodowithmylife it's so frustrating! Sometimes it doesn't bother me and other times I feel like what's wrong with me Sad

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ohwhattodowithmylife · 05/08/2021 20:10

I hear you, I'm also divorced and sometimes trying to date and I feel I have to explain and I feel so always about it - it almost becomes an issue.
Sometimes I'm not worried and other times I wonder if I will ever feel what other women feel.

NameChangingObviously · 06/08/2021 00:17

Any positive experiences or tips on what to try?

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irresistibleoverwhelm · 06/08/2021 01:27

What toys have you tried? Does it feel closest when stimulating the clitoris or inside the vagina?

NameChangingObviously · 06/08/2021 06:49

@irresistibleoverwhelm the only toy is the bullet vibe. Definitely clitoral, but I do like both like when DH is inside then with either fingers/bullet

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Greystray · 21/08/2021 23:29

I settled the issue by basically taking a whole work day off. House to myself, adult entertainment on (mute, thin walls), sex toys. Just kept going and trying things until it happened and there was no disguising what it was.

I really do think that if you're not sure, it's not an orgasm. I get what you mean. I think we all have those twitches and stuff. But if you have to rely on someone else to tell you what's going on, you didn't cum. I think it's something you have to work out in private before including your partner. And like any new skill, it gets easier and easier the more you practice...

NameChangingObviously · 27/08/2021 15:49

@Greystray did it just happen suddenly? Like take you by surprise?

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