Post baby/babies libido.

[ginandgingers92]

Anyone else find that post children, their libido is... zilch, zero, nothing, nada, not one iota of desire?

Am I abnormal?! What, if anything can I do about this?

For more context because I'm thinking it's the kids but may be something else, or just a wonderful cocktail of all of the below, joy:

-2x children 17m and 3yo.
-BF youngest until 1, but that seems like an age ago and not an excuse.
-Take 100mg sertraline daily (heard sometimes this had an effect).

• have an emotive job where I see the bad side of sex and sexual desires quite often.

-- -- Any perspectives hugely appreciated!

I think you have answered your own question there! With that lot going on I'm not surprised you've gone off it.
Time away from daily pressures to recharge and relax with your partner would probably help. Need to plan it in somehow

It is perfectly normal to have a decline in sex drive when one has young children. Mother Nature has designed a way to lower the sex drives of both mothers and fathers as a means of ensuring that the young children have the best chance of survival. Getting pregnant soon after giving birth is not going to afford the best care to babies, so nature has worked out a way to do it. We are the most successful species to have ever walked this planet and this is one of the reasons for it.

I'm abit of a lurker here (in a non wierd way 😅) but I finally can add something I think! I have a 18mo and a 3yo and honestly, the last 4years I have seriously gone down the route of thinking I'm asexual... Alot, because I couldn't of given a hoot about sex. Bfeeding and pregnant basically throughout this years. my youngest gave up breastfeeding maybe 3months ago and now it's wham! I am like a 13yo boy in the sense that I am thinking about sex all the time. And my DH doesn't know what's happened to him 😂 I'm so relieved tbh. After my first though it didn't happen, in fact it's a miracle ds2 was conceived because i couldn't be bothered and, if I hadn't wanted another baby, I wouldn't have been so keen to have sex (I'm ashamed to say).

My point is, I reckon you will be hit by a surge of hormones... There's just no way of knowing when it will come back but I'm sure it will. Just be prepared for when it does😁

I would actually also question if you're 'done' with having babies as I'm sure us making the decision we aren't having any more made me look at sex for pleasure iyswim. And now I'm on the sex boards looking for inspiration

And it doesn't matter if you're not done! My point was it's probably hormonal.

Damn g&t

Hehe thanks for your advice! I get where you're coming from; looking at sex as a pleasurable 'leisure activity' rather than just a function of making a baby- makes a lot of sense! I am defffffffffinitely done.

The other thing I did was go on a shopping spree (minus the kids) and buy new clothes and a whole load of new underwear sets. Not for DH but for me. I had trouble coming to terms with my post baby body but decided to embrace it.

I don't think my libido will ever come back tbh. Children same age as yours but there's no really good reason why I'm not horny, I think it's just gone. It's kind of sad because I'm facing a life of having sex with DH every now and the. just to keep him happy. I don't even fancy anyone else ever so I don't think it's my DH's fault. I wish I could even fantastise about someone else but I just don't

I just want to second what a previous poster said about buying new underwear. I actually started wearing nice stuff day to day as well and I swear to god it did help. Previously I was constantly wearing awful stuff because after three children and weight gain I felt fat and frumpy and almost felt like I didn't deserve nice undies. My youngest is two and I'm just starting to get my libido back.

I think the underwear bit is definitely food for thought, but it will probably make me realise how I don't recognise my body anymore; stopped BF'ing and just ballooned.... im trying to get to the gym in the hope I'll feel better about myself and that'll be beneficial for everyone, but my willpower is shit