Gambia sex tourism

[Danceswithwhippets]

This came up in a discussion with a woman friend the other day, in the context of foreign travel (remember what that was?). I’m a man.

I’ve been to Gambia twice, the first time many years ago and wasn’t then aware of it as a destination for middle-aged women for sex, perhaps I was young and naive. I went again many years later, with my (middle-aged) partner, and it was very apparent. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it -whether the same arguments apply with men buying sex in a less-developed country. My partner was gob-smacked, and I think quietly turned on by the reversal of roles.

Has anyone paid for sex, cash or kind, in similar holiday circumstances?

It's very apparent based on the demographic of passengers on the flights to Banjul. I work for an airline.

I think it’s vile! Exploiting others for your own sexual gratification.

Horrible.

I've seen a documentary all about it. It's very much a thing.

No. The idea repulses me, whichever sex is doing the exploiting.

All sexual exploitation is vile, regardless of the sex/age of the perpetrators and victims.

I have no sympathy for sob stories from foolish middle-aged women who get "love scammed" after meeting "boyfriends" in these situations. Disgusting.

I wasn’t sure how I felt about it -whether the same arguments apply with men buying sex in a less-developed country. My partner was gob-smacked, and I think quietly turned on by the reversal of roles.

@Danceswithwhippets - Off course the same argument applies, sexual exploitation is the same regardless of sex.

Does it not bother you that your partner is quietly turned on by old women exploiting young men for sex 😕

@Femme99 from what I saw -and @GentlemanJay perhaps I saw the same documentary as you did -no, I don’t think the young men were exploited. They were trading sex and companionship for money for the 7/10/14 day holiday period that the women were there for. Apparently some women establish relationships of sorts and return to the same men, on trips over time.

Love scamming is quite different, where women bring them back to the UK as lovers/husbands. That’s a recipe for disaster.

Conversely, I think probably where men are the customers yes women are usually exploited, in any country. The happy hooker myth is just a myth. Although if there were male sex tourists in Gambia I didn’t know to look for them.

A creepy feature of the holiday though was that my partner could never do anything on her own, like going to the beach or walking out and about. The assumption was that she was on the pull and would be approached and chatted up by young men, not threateningly but not what anyone would want. That meant her loss of freedom because I had to be a chaperone in public.

Nobody seems to have really mentioned the exploitation of the 'old' women here (also referred to as 'middle-aged' - is that old?).

Either way, the dynamic is the women are older and alone, unloved, no access to touch, and the guys young (20s? 30s?) are making a living by being nice to these women.

The men pursue the women and persuade them that this deal is ok. You can't walk down the street as a woman alone without being constantly pursued. It's jolly enough as the guys are trying to cajole and win over the women.

Flip it. 'Old' guys exploiting young women. Do the young women pursue the men? .......

I think the men are largely always the hunters, whether hunting money (and sex), or sex (and buying it).

Sorry. I'm generally v pro men. But as much as I dislike men buying girls for cash, I also dislike them presuming older and/or single women are mad for sex, and using that perceived need to fleece them.

Rather than deciding who's being exploited, maybe we should ask - who's being coerced? And who's doing the coercing?

I'm conscious I've waded into this having no first hand experience of any of it (thank god). But still, this angle struck me.

@Danceswithwhippets - You can dress it up as much as you want but it’s exploiting.

tourismteacher.com/pattaya-but-backwards-sex-tourism-in-the-gambia/

If you read this article, it explains it.

These ‘relationships’ provide Gambian men with opportunities to make a living through the money made from sex tourism, while female tourists get the chance to satisfy their (neo-colonial) fantasies about young black bodies.

^I think that says it all really! I’m sure most of the young men wouldn’t choose to have sex with the old women, if they had the choice.

This is what I thought about (travellingjezebel.com/sex-tourism-the-gambia/):

However, this notion of ‘romance tourism’ creates an uncomfortable grey area, where female sex tourists leave themselves open to being hurt by men who are really just trying to make a living for themselves.

Because female sex tourists often do not view themselves as such, and thus may not want to embark on an explicitly transactional relationship, the male sex worker has to be a little sneakier about how he goes about his work. He will usually observe holidaymakers and profile them in the hopes of selecting a worthy target.

Typically, he will look for older women who may be overweight or considered unattractive back home. He considers such women vulnerable, or ‘easy prey,’ and he will play on this woman’s vulnerability in order to get her to obtain feelings for him. When feelings are involved, the male sex worker finds it easier to convince the woman to spend her money on him, and so the exchange begins.

So the older women - often it seems in their 40s/50s - are really in search of love. I don't feel the men are being exploited in this kind of dynamic. The men do hunt the women. I know this is all generalisation, but then so is the granny gyrating against a teenager at the bar, supporting herself on a Zimmer frame - as described in I think The Sun.

I think it's a bad business, trying to make someone vulnerable fall for you, telling them you love them and find them attractive, and fleecing them for cash. The more transactional male approach with female prostitutes is very bald but at least both sides understand the deal. (I won't get into that though as obviously there is rank exploitation here and coercion of the female - and male - prostitutes by their bosses, etc.).

I don't know if the love guys of Gambia have pimps. One article said they compete with each other for the best/richest women, and are proud of being self-employed and supporting their families.

Maybe everyone is being exploited. But I guess it's bringing money in that supports people.

It is still wrong, regardless of the sex of the person in the developing country.

My DH comes from a developing country where sex tourism goes on (not the Gambia). Before anyone says anything, we met through a mutual interest and have been together for 25 years since we were teens!
Over the years I have seen the sex tourism up close and chatted to many people on both sides of the arrangement. In the vast majority of cases it is the man from the developing country exploiting the vulnerable, older women. They single out older, often divorced or widowed women and declare their undying love. The women are flattered by the attention and once they have them reeled in they start the emotional blackmail and begin to extract money and gifts from them. I have seen women give their whole life savings to these young men, it's as if they have some sort of spell over them.
Most of the young men involved in the romance scams are layabaouts and do it because they see it as easy money. Often the man will have a local wife and children at home and the older European on the go at the same time. The local wife and often even the mans parents will encourage the romance scam as it keeps them in a comfortable lifestyle!

@Pinkmagic1
Yes, exactly. The whole family is in on it.

This has turned into a good thread.

This researched article quoted by @jozipozi31 is well worth reading. Also, her comments.

travellingjezebel.com/sex-tourism-the-gambia/

Your comments @Pinkmagic1 are the only ones close to a personal experience (through your DH). Would you mind telling us what country you’re talking about?

So far (reduced to simple terms) it seems to me that male sex tourism is money for sex whereas female sex tourism is for romance /companionship plus sex, the sex being secondary. That fits what I saw in Gambia, where the men were constant, respectful- fawning even- companions.

Julie Bindel wrote a good piece on this for the Guardian a few years ago , although she was in Jamaica where it is big business and most of the sex tourists are American/ Canadian women. After far as I can recall most of the women she spoke to had no illusions about romance or LTRs. Many of them did resent the phrase ' prostitution or ' buying sex' preferring euphemisms like financial assistance etc. But one tourist did blurt out ' look he either performs or he doesn't eat ; it's that simple '. Another angle was ' young guys love sex they'd be doing this anyway ' . As Bindel pointed out ; if that's the case why aren't these women shagging teenage boys back in Toronto?

I met a woman who lived in the UK but had a 'husband" (apparently they'd had some sort of ceremony) in Sharm el-Sheikh and she would fly out several times a year to see him. He also had another wife and family who he spent the rest of the time with.