Feel close after sex

[dyson20]

Have had this guy pursue me for a few months. I wasn't overly fussed but in the end gave in for a date. Agreed to see him a second time & ended up doing the deed I found him attractive but in my head was thinking this is just going to be one time sex. Except the sex was so good & now I can not stop thinking about him. We are still in contact but he's not right for me I know I should stop it now he's 12 years younger we just don't look right together but I just can't stop thinking about him have never had sex make me feel so close to someone. Has anyone else suddenly really liked someone after sex ?

It sounds to me that you had good sexual chemistry, that can be hard to find. I always think when women have sex with men we attach ourselves emotionally, whereas men can separate the two.

@SparklingStars10

I agree

Agree with PP - unfortunately it is largely a chemical reaction (look up the effects of oxytocin as the "love chemical"), which impacts females more than males.

I do think you need to compartmentalise this experience and just see it for what it was - a fun and fulfilling sexual encounter that you both enjoyed as consenting adults. Otherwise you will start to pine and may even upset yourself / feel rejected (which you weren't of course).

@SnoopsCaliforniaRoll exactly right it's really hard to resist when he wants a repeat performance to behave but have to be sensible as could see myself getting my heart broken x

Honestly, we've all been there. It's why so many FWB relationships turn sour - because the lines are blurred. If you have a repeat performance, have fun but just remember to protect your heart / self-preserve so you don't end up feeling used.

”we just don't look right together”
Eh? Why? Because of the age gap?

Lots of people have relationships with an age gap. 12 years isn’t that much in the great scheme of things.
And anyway, who cares what people think?
Or is there another reason you feel he isn’t right for you op?

@PoptartPoptart

”we just don't look right together” Eh? Why? Because of the age gap?

Lots of people have relationships with an age gap. 12 years isn’t that much in the great scheme of things.
And anyway, who cares what people think?
Or is there another reason you feel he isn’t right for you op?

So how old are you? Sometimes age gaps are not so difficult

Has he indicated that he just wants sex?

If he's been pursuing you for months he may want more than that.

I wouldn't let the age difference necessarily bother you either tbh.

Hi everyone no I think he genuinely likes me for now but I'm 44 & he's 32 I have teenage children he doesn't have any. also the fact he only looks 22 doesn't help. I think I would be forever worrying he was going to leave me for someone more suitable.

Great sex is dangerous, I agree with you about the bond you feel. It can be real or just fleeting, only you know which it’s likely to be with this man…

@dyson20 you are clearly someone he finds very attractive and not just superficially if it’s been months of pursuit. Don’t worry about what other people think about you and him. Chances are they don’t.

@dyson20 … the fact that you have known each other some time, had sex and it’s been a bit of an eye-opener all shows this age difference not only doesn’t need to matter, but also that it can be a very good dynamic.

The only thing stopping you isn’t the prejudice of others - it’s your own perspective.

Why do you think he’ll break your heart? Why does he have to? It’s like you aren’t taking him seriously. Maybe talk to him about your fears?

Personally I think you should let this develop. Enjoy something that sounds very good. You’re worried that having something so nice will spoil you for when he goes and you’re back to having the choice only of weary divorced guys around your age or older? This is based on you thinking he doesn’t really want you. You need to talk to him about it.

Or you need to put your worries on one side and let this happen. And see where it takes you. But take a moment and understand your own worth. Forget the age gap. It’s in your mind. You should be staying forever young, anyhow. If you start thinking you’re old at 44, how are you going to feel in 20 years’ time? Better to enjoy being young while you are.

In any relationship you will be vulnerable to it ending at some point. This is no different.

I agree with @jozipozi31, enjoy the sex and don’t let emotions rule your head. This one should be passion led.

@jozipozi31 I really have trouble realising my own worth. I am already thinking about the end before it's ever started 🥲

@dyson20 I understand your predicament. I met my DP 18 months ago. He's 29 I'm 47. Amazing sex but also a great emotional connection. He dotes on me and makes me feel beautiful.

I've been telling myself it won't last. That, at some point, he'll want to find someone to settle down and have a family with. And the thought of that makes me very sad because I've fallen in love with him.

But... I've told him my worries and he's been so reassuring. He's made me realise that we should live for the moment and not fret about what the future holds. I can't shut myself off to happiness because I'm fearful about how long it will last. So I'm just going with it... and enjoying every moment!

If it feels right, don't overanalyse it. Don't care what other people think. Go with your heart.

My DH has a friend who is charming and very good looking (don't tell him I said that lol 😂) he is 35 and his DP is close to 50 with 3 kids in their teens. It started between them about 5 years ago. I think it might have bit of fun to behind with, but now they live together with her kids. She told him explicitly that she's not interested in having more babies or even getting married again and gave him a chance to bail. He thought about it and decided he wanted her. She comes out with all of us to the pub and stuff, she never stands out and it's never felt weird. They're just a couple. I don't know what the other circumstances that make you think he's unsuitable are, but don't let the age gap put you off. He chased you because you're smokin' hot and now he wants more. Perhaps don't overthink it and see where it goes!

[quote dyson20]@jozipozi31 I really have trouble realising my own worth. I am already thinking about the end before it's ever started 🥲[/quote]
It's good you recognise the mistake you're making. Now just tell yourself this isn't actually about how you value yourself - it's how he does. He really rates you. A lot.

We all need people on our side. He must see a lot of worth in you. Let him do that and accept it gracefully. And don't think about what might or might not be - just take what is on the table right now.