Sex tips

[StuckInThisPlace]

I have just started seeing a man who is a bit older than me, he is in his early 50s. We've done lots of making out and I think sex will happen soon, which I am really excited about. It's been a few years since last time and this is my first new partner after a very long relationship. I think I'm over most of my body hangups, as we've already done lots of cuddling and touching in not a lot of clothes and he seems to still fancy me.

The thing that is new for me is being with an "older" man. He has dropped a few hints in conversation about how he isn't as interested in sex as he was when he was a young man. When were making out in bed and I was touching him he did have an erection but it didn't feel like he was fully hard. This was after he had been touching me quite intensely, it was all pretty hot and heavy, so I was a bit surprised by this. I could tell he enjoyed making out, but it felt like I was more sexually frustrated in the situation than he was (we couldn't have sex as I was on my period).

My ex partner was always ready to go, always instantly very hard and up for pretty much anything in bed. Orgasmed very easily (sometimes too quickly). It wasn't always a good thing as when I was younger my sex drive didn't match his and he was a sex pest. However, now my sex drive is much higher and I've been looking forward to meeting someone new to explore sex with.

Any men (or women with male partners) around 50 who want to share some tips and experiences? Are you/they still interested in sex, how often do you have sex/like to have sex? Are erections trickier than in the past? Do you/they need more stimulation to get turned, or to orgasm? Anything I should be aware of? If we are making out and he seems enthusiastic, but he isn't hard when I touch him, should I carry on or does it mean he isn't really feeling it/in the mood?

Just to be clear, he is absolutely lovely and made me feel fantastic, very affectionate and attentive. I want to make him feel good too and am certainly not expecting some adonis in bed. I just feel a bit nervous and not knowing what to expect.

Hello,
I’m an “older” man (52 this year), sex has changed for me over the years, I can still get erections, not as hard of frequent as they were 30 years ago …, but that’s just an ageing thing, not an I don’t want to have sex thing,
Sex drive has also changed, it’s more about quality then quantity these days, I like to make sure my partner is satisfied before me.
Sometimes I might not be fully hard, or sometimes not able to finish anymore, but that would be a ‘me’ issue and not a partner issue,
If he can’t get any kind of erection, obviously you can get over the counter medication for that,
If he not fully also you think about a cock-ring, ( but may have to be a delicate conversation a bit later…).

Sex is still important to me, just not as important as it was 30 years ago

Hopefully this helps

Think of an erection like the small hand of a clock

In your 20’s it always points to 11.30
Early 30’s it might be 11
By mid 40’s its mostly 10 with some 11 some 9
By 50’s its mostly 9 with some 10 and a bit of 6
By 60’s its downhill in the 8’s

As for drive, 20-30’s 10+ times a week, 40’s 5-6 times a week
50’s - twice a week is fine!

I think that's overly pessimistic marbles .Even as a generalisation .

I've recently turned 59, and my sex drive is still good. I don't have erections as much as I used to, and occasionally rely on the little blue pill, but it's mainly a phycological crutch than anything else.

I can't manage sex more than once in a session anymore , but still enjoy sex 2 - 3 times a week (when it's available! ) TMI, but I can sustain my erections for a couple of hours...

I always ensure my partner is involved, orgasams, and is happy.

Thanks for your responses @AverageGuy and @JustAnotherOldMan. That all sounds promising.

Question, if you were not fully hard would you still enjoy stimulation, e.g being touched or a blowjob? I am just not used to handling a semi erect penis, if that makes sense!

I understand that it's all individual, of course.

@StuckInThisPlace - it depends on if it's before or after I've orgasmed. After, my penis can be very sensitive.

Before - I love being touched! If that happens, I don't stay semi for long...

Stuck I don't know if a poll of 2 is any good ,but my experience with someone in their 70s and on a lot of medication is that he is the same as averageGuy,

@StuckInThisPlace
Of course everyone loves being touched, And oral, who would say no to that !

My DH is late 50s. No erection issues and although he could have easily managed every night in his earlier years he is around twice a week and comfortable with that.

I sometimes resort to a blue pill, the responsive erection can last a couple of days. Sometimes I manage to complete TD and sometimes it needs a hand or mouth. If you offered or started a BJ I probably wouldn’t last more than a few minutes

I'm a woman and am 57. I've been with men in their 50s obviously. Most of them were similar to younger men, and all of them were several times in a session types as well. Maybe I've been lucky 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm continuing on the same thread as I'm still looking for sex tips...

Update: we have now had sex, in the evening and the following morning! No problems at all re the erection, I needn't have worried. Such a relief.

Now I need some tips on how to make the sex more satisfying for me...
I've made a thread in the past about not being able to cum with my ex unless I did it myself and wanting to explore sex with a new partner. In the past two years that I've been single I have deliberately changed how I masturbate, because I would like to experience being brought to orgasm by a man. I can now make myself cum in less than ten mins, lying on my back with a light touch on my clit and sometimes also a finger inside me at the same time. I'm hoping that this is a more partner friendly way to orgasm than my old masturbation technique. (Don't ask....) So far so good!

However, when I had sex with my new man he only touched me with his fingers for a few minutes before entering me (very much as "foreplay", rather than actually trying to make me cum) and he wasn't really doing it in the right place, i.e he was rubbing too high up on the clitoral hood rather than the actual clit.... If you know what I mean? I know I wouldn't have been able to cum anyway as I didn't feel relaxed enough, but I'm wondering how to guide him next time? I could tell he was really trying to hold out during PIV though, so presumably his ex used to cum that way... But even though I enjoy PIV it doesn't get me anywhere close, even if I touch myself at the same time. I'm going to need some more manual stimulation.

So please, any tips so that I can one day achieve my dream of being given an orgasm?

@StuckInThisPlace - I'm a lover of foreplay & oral - I'm always happy for a partner to guide me towards what she prefers - it makes things better for both of us.

I'm sure if you talk to him, or take his hand and guide him, he will accept that he needs to be more in tune with your body.

@AverageGuy That's great, you sounds like a generous lover!

I guess it feels a bit awkward to stop him from moving on to PIV and ask him to touch me for longer. It feels kind of demanding!

He has made no moves towards oral, so that might not be his thing. Then again, we've only done it twice, so it might happen in time.

@StuckInThisPlace - I try..

Here's the thing - sex is about you just as much as it is about him . If you aren't ready for PIV, then tell him so!

No moves towards oral? I'd have definitely been for a visit in two DTDs.. Maybe gently encourage him? Maybe suggest a 69?

@AverageGuy I know that you are right, of course.... I guess I just don't have that confidence when it comes to sex.

I am not even a fan of receiving oral (yet! I still have hope that I'll learn to enjoy that too!). But I guess I that what I need is just for him to focus solely on me in some capacity. With lots of teasing and build up, as it's own event rather than "foreplay". And not give up too quickly! Whether that is with fingers or tongue.

@StuckInThisPlace
You sound a passive in the bedroom, personally I love it when a woman takes a move “positive” role, could you not suggest some mutual masturbation to get to know each other a bit better and what gets you off ?

@JustAnotherOldMan
Possibly I was being a bit passive, I am still trying to build up my confidence. I was quite nervous about DTD for the first time in a couple of years and after an abusive relationship. I was very enthusiastic though and enjoyed giving him pleasure! I do think I need to get more confident with telling him what I need from him, I'll try to practice that next time.

Guide him to what you like he isnt a mind reader op.tell him when he touches you ,you like the way it feels let him hear you moan and encourage him to continue.
If that fails just tell him straight that yiu cant cum through piv only and make it a rule that ladies cum first.

I have found it really arousing being guided and told what turns my partner on - and explaing to her what makes me feel good. Remember that we are all different and none of us are mind readers, so some guidance both ways is needed. And that builds intimacy, which is the sexiest thing.

So be aware that the guidance process should be fun, take a deep breath and talk to each other

Older doesn't necessarily mean wiser. Now that you have broken the ice, don't be afraid to tell him what works for you - and ask what his preferences are, or might be.
When pleasuring yourself, you know exactly where works for you, for how long and just the right amount of time and pressure, it's often impossible for a lover - however tender and caring - to exactly replicate those effects, but you have and extra pair of hands and an erection to find new experiences with. Good luck to you both.

I ask a man if he'd like to make me come, tell them to get comfortable (partly because I can't relax if they're not), I put a whole lot of lube in their hands and tell them exactly how to touch me, and keep telling them what to do until I come.

I had 32 years of having sex and never once having an orgasm from a partner. I fully take responsibility for not knowing how to help them do it (I had the same issue as you, I masturbated in a way that they couldn't replicate). But even so, hardly any of them even seemed more than very occasionally interested in trying to help me. I have sworn to myself that I am not putting up with it any more. If I want an orgasm from them, I'm having one. Obviously once it's made ridiculously easy for them, they're into it.