New relationship / communication

[SlightlyDifferent]

I'm an older man (late 50s), just in a new relationship haven't had sex yet but feeling it will happen sooner or later. A bit out of practice with new relationships.
In younger days I would have just 'got on with it' to find out how compatible we are.
Now thinking I'd like to have a good long talk about what does it for me and for her in the sack and what doesn't.
What do you think, find out the practical way or talk things through first?

I think touching on the subject before may be a good idea, in terms of certain sex acts (oral/anal sex.) Otherwise just find out what she likes the practical way, a lot of women love kissing, touching through clothing/knickers and foreplay and like to take things slow before having sex, honestly, there’s nothing better than a man who prioritises his partners pleasure.

Tend to agree with PP (I’m 52 btw), I would probably cover the general likes/ dislikes but perhaps avoid too much detail, as you want to find out the fun stuff the fun way !

Slightly different view here, which I have been criticised on MN before, but I like to know what the other person has to offer. In short, if someone is not willing to go down on me, I won't jump to next base. So, that is a conversation I choose to have.

In addition, the condom conversation needs to be had too.

I think discussing in too much detail wouldn't be for me...probably once you are kissing and touching then just keep gradually going and see how she is responding. Once she starts to get aroused I'm sure she will Le you know if she likes or dislikes.

I think it's always worth having at least a general chat before getting down to it.

I like to negotiate from a place of "yes"! So prefer to talk about what a person really likes to do, how they like to be touched and how they want to feel, rather than a shopping list of the things they won't do. If a partner gives you a handful of positive ideas, that's enough to start with. You can figure out the finer details as you go.

@StarlightLady

Slightly different view here, which I have been criticised on MN before, but I like to know what the other person has to offer. In short, if someone is not willing to go down on me, I won't jump to next base. So, that is a conversation I choose to have.

In addition, the condom conversation needs to be had too.

If I was ever to go into a new relationship I'd be the same, the women would have to be willing to perform oral on me, deal breaker.

@StarlightLady - I think that’s fair, there’s no point establishing a sexual relationship if their not willing to do something that’s important to you. Life’s too short for a sex life with no oral 😂

I'm older (dont know how much of a difference ,if any ,that makes ) but I would prefer going slow and my partner checking with me as we went along .I'd also like some verbal indication that my moves on him were hitting the spot .

I would find a discussion beforehand hard to handle .Oh ,look what I did there

The condom / STI testing conversation needs to happen first. In my experience, starting slowly and conventionally with the stuff you like. But I love a post-coital debrief discussing what works, what you want more of, how you feel etc. Builds connection and the sex keeps getting better the more you talk about it.