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How to be sexy when you are large and not beautiful..

17 replies

CreamPuffNotTough · 14/06/2021 08:17

Just that really. How do I find my inner sexiness, and radiate it?

OP posts:
AverageGuy · 14/06/2021 10:28

@CreamPuffNotTough
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who's to say that you aren't already sexy in someone's eyes?

My humble opinion, based on nothing but the one line of your message is that first, you have to love yourself. (Thank you RuPaul!) If you don't think you are sexy, no-one else will.

We aren't all supermodels, or young, or handsome / pretty, or slim, and it's not possible for all of us to be so (and we shouldn't try!)

For me, a confident woman is a sexy woman, and yes, it's easy to be confident when you look like say Rita Ora (sorry, my crush....), but you probably don't, so you have to use what you've got.

Clothes maketh the (wo)man. Maybe try to find something that flatters your shape. Maybe change your hairstyle, but do something that makes you feel better about yourself. This will give you confidence, which will radiate out. that's sexy.

Hug.

PinotPony · 14/06/2021 11:18

By understanding that ALL bodies are beautiful. Sexiness isn't a dress size or body shape, it's an attitude and you can choose to have it or not.

My advice is to fake it til you make it! Even if you feel self-conscious, stick your tits out and smile!

Or join a striptease class on zoom.... app.killingkittens.com/events/view/1058
I did the last one and it was soooo much fun dancing around a chair in my bedroom pretending to be Beyoncé! The lady who runs them is all about body confidence and feeling sexy. And it's a really friendly safe space to try out something new.

chocatoo · 14/06/2021 14:46

Averageguy your response is just perfect.

AverageGuy · 14/06/2021 15:37

@chocatoo aww thanks Blush and it's actually what I believe too!

SonoPortafortuna · 14/06/2021 15:50

There will be something you like about your body, start with that. Do you have pretty hair, or lovely skin, sexy feet, great boobs, a smashing smile? Whatever it is start there. As @AverageGuy says, do something nice for yourself that makes you feel good. I also like that response too btw!

How amazing are our bodies, do you get pleasure from masturbating, maybe, how does that feel? Isn’t amazing how the pleasure works? That is you being totally sexual, not caring what you look like. That’s you, your body, that’s what you can do and what you deserve. Try that more often maybe, and really feel it, what you like.

Then you can say what works for you when you have a partner. Ask what works for them. That’s radiating confidence because it’s a memory (even if you don’t feel it) and will help you have a good time. You can say no. You are not there to be grateful. You’re there to have fun.

For me it was accepting my body was mine, as worthy of respect and good treatment as the rest of me. I exfoliated and moisturised, perfumed it, even though no one else would see. I bought decent undies that flattered, and wore them. For me. I basically treated myself like a L’Oréal ad, because I AM worth it, and so are you.

And when DP came along, and I was surprised he was interested because, you know, I’m not totally perfectly confident, I also just paid him the compliment of believing him. He said that to him I was voluptuous and soft and smelt amazing. I believed him. He got really hard when we kissed. I believed that. He told me I was gorgeous and sexy and sensual and he’d enjoyed himself hugely, I believed that too. And also when he told me he was nervous, and worried I wouldn’t fancy him, and I said I wanted him and he was a phenomenally good fuck, he believed me.

Other people are not totally confident, we all have things we would change but we are all worthy of love, and respect, and fun and lust. Don’t waste time and headspace on the arseholes who don’t share that viewpoint.

DP, who is very wise, says if a guy is attracted, you’ve applied your judgment/standards and he’s not an arsehole (thus far) and has the luck to be in your bed, he knows you’re large and it doesn’t matter. He thinks you’re sexy. So BELIEVE HIM!

AverageGuy · 14/06/2021 15:57

@SonoPortafortuna - fantastic response!

SonoPortafortuna · 14/06/2021 17:59

@AverageGuy 👍🏻

So @CreamPuffNotTough we’re all here holding your hand!

Whatliesbeneath707 · 14/06/2021 21:13

Wonderful, supportive responses - the MN sex board at it’s best 😊
Enjoy yourself @CreamPuffNotTough

BananaMuse · 15/06/2021 19:56

Some great responses already.

Are you in a relationship atm?

I couldn't imagine being with someone physically after I left my XH 5 years ago and wasn't interested for a long time.

Last summer I got chatting/flirting with a couple of guys online (neither from dating sites)...one became a friend, the other a very sexy, entirely online fling.

I've had a couple of short term online FWB type relationships since which have really helped to build my confidence and get back in touch with myself as a sexual being iykwim (God that sounds pretentious).

Meeting the right person also helps, not necessarily in a love at first sight, soulmates way, but just someone who you can communicate honestly and feel at ease with.

I recently met one of the FWBs in RL...just a coffee date with lots of snogging the first time, but the second time we ended up in bed and a few weeks later I can't believe how comfortable I felt with him.

I'm a middle aged, unskinny mum and wasn't even firing on all four cylinders but it was amazing!

The experience has certainly alleviated a lot of my concerns about how anxious and self-conscious I would be in that situation as when it came down to it I was too horny to give a monkey's Grin!

NurseButtercup · 19/06/2021 18:51

Apart from the handful of men that are complete & utter arseholes, most men don't care about what your body looks like. They are interested in YOU and if you get to the stage of being sexually intimate, they are so excited and grateful that you chose them.

I would encourage you to start by investing in some sexy lingerie and spending some time just looking at yourself in the mirror to acknowledge just how amazing your body is. Love honey sells some affordable lingerie for plus sizes like this:
www.lovehoney.co.uk/sexy-lingerie/sexy-plus-size-18/basques-and-corsets/p/lovehoney-plus-size-treasure-me-red-push-up-basque-set/a40915g74546.html

SexyTimeUsername · 21/06/2021 13:38

Are you with someone atm op? Or are you asking how to be sexually attractive on a dating site?

SexyTimeUsername · 21/06/2021 13:42

If you're getting into dating then I'd say choose your profile photos that are flattering but accurate - don't just do face photos. Guys who are happy with larger women will flock to you.

OrlandointheWilderness · 21/06/2021 23:45

I've just started seeing someone. He is a large guy, but fuck he is sexy. Like properly sexy. Seriously, seriously so. Can't figure out what it is, but bodies do not have to perfect to be sexy.

StColumbofNavron · 09/07/2021 16:51

I think the advice already given is brilliant. It is about confidence and confidence is about believing it yourself. Good luck OP.

isitsummertimeyet · 10/07/2021 15:51

All about confidence
if you dont worry about stretch marks or a wobbly tum then the guy wont be bothered either, same if you have a hairy growler or your as bald as kojak, guys dont really care (well i dont)

just be confident and shove your boobs in his face, hes not ever gonna argue or analyse that..

Sillyduckseverywhere · 11/07/2021 00:27

I'm large-ish and can't be arsed a lot of the time with certain things, my roots need doing and my skin is shocking today.
I came out of a terrible relationship with self esteem through the floor and faked it till I made it.
I was so nervous and self conscious, now I have so much confidence in the bedroom 😆 I just pretended I was amazing until one day I realised I was Smile

StColumbofNavron · 11/07/2021 09:16

One of the weirdest things is that I am at my most comfortable on a beach, swimming costume, no make up, hair up in a bun. I think it’s because actually most people are self conscience in this situation no matter what their size but I just find it so freeing.

I’d also say confidence for me comes from other areas that impacts how I feel about the way I look indirectly. Confidence in your work/hobby/interest just reaches beyond it if you see what I mean.

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