Can i find a relationship if i don’t want sex?

[YouShouldLeave]

I don’t if i’m asexual, prude , frigid, repressed, whatever.
(I hate the three last words, but just tought i’d fet it out of the way).

But i just can’t bring myself to care about sex.
I don’t want it, don’t want to see or hear about it.
Tried to read articles to help me want to want sex, just made me fall a sleep.

Otherwise there wouldn’t be too much of a problem, but i really, really would like a partner.
Fall in love and be loved.
Unfortunately for me, price of the addmission seems to be sex.

So is there any hope for me?

Other asexual people. Or those who, for whatever reason cant have sex.

But yes, a relationship with someone who does like sex is never ever going to work.

You’re going to have to be proactive, like everyone else who wants a relationship

I’m sure there are males out there who are asexual, however, you would need to make this clear from the beginning because most relationships involve having sex.

Are there any way one can make themselves have sex?
Or maybe even want it?

Not sure making yourself have sex when you don't want it is a great plan. Have you ever been interested in it? Have you ever actually had it (sorry if too personal!)? Are you actively repulsed by the idea or just a bit "meh"?

@Clementine183

Not sure making yourself have sex when you don't want it is a great plan. Have you ever been interested in it? Have you ever actually had it (sorry if too personal!)? Are you actively repulsed by the idea or just a bit "meh"?

Haven’t had sex.

Interested?
It comes and goes.
I am sometimes curious about it, a little bit.
Definitely, definitely, DEFINITELY only ”vanilla” stuff, when i read/hear about ”kinky stuff” and all this things we’re supposed to be into my anxiety sky rockets (even more).

I feel like my repulsion goes along with my mothly cycle.
Or if i picture myself in the scenario.

Have you ever had sexual attraction to anyone? That could be part of it.

I can find people beatiful/handsome, but not in the way that i would want to see any more of them...

Honestly, i’m not sure i know what sexual attraction is meant to feel like.

I suppose it's possible but where's the point? It would just be like a good friendship.

Could you be demisexual?
In my whole life I’ve only been attracted to two people and that was after getting to know them REALLY well. I wasn’t initially attracted to them, for me it has to be the person and an emotional attraction before I can feel anything else. I spent a long time thinking I was asexual too but it turns out I’m not, I just (possibly unfortunately) am not attracted to many people.

Assuming your female, most men see sex as part and parcel of a relationship, as do most female as well judging by the number of threads about sexless marriages on this forum.

I think you could find someone, but it probably would be based more on mutual friendship rather then love.

But good luck in your search

It doesn't sound like there is absolutely nothing there then... no problem with it only being vanilla stuff, there's no "supposed to" about it. People are into what they're into and there are loads of people out there who don't want to swing from the chandeliers wearing ball-gags or whatever.

Again, personal, but whether or not you masturbate also makes a difference I think. I do think to a certain extent the more you have of something the more you want, so you could try "warming yourself up" more solo and see where that takes you I guess... safer than trying to jump straight in there with a partner.

You might find more answers on the AVEN site OP.

I do masturbate, but it’s a whole bunch of meh, to me.

The whole thing just sucks.
I can’t seem to make myself to be a sexual person, but would love to have an romantic partner.

It's not impossible. I know someone who is asexual and he said that he has romantic feelings but not sexual ones.

Sex should never ever be a chore - it's one of life's few pleasures. Find someone that suits you - there is nothing more off-putting than knowing that a partner is 'lying back and thinking of England'.

I’m exactly like this, however my lack of sex drive is due to health issues; vitamin deficiencies (severe), gynae issues and candida overgrowth, anaemia, have just had another blood test to see if anything else is wrong as feel so physically unwell at the minute. Pre having all these health issues I was interested. I avoid relationships as I just don’t want to be hassled for sex, and I worry it wouldn’t be fair on a partner. It might not be a health thing with you but get a blood test just in case it is. No real advice I’m afraid as I’m in the same boat. I get hounded by family and friends regarding my chronic single status, and I feel unable to tell anyone the real reason why, so also causes me a lot of stress socially. I feel like I would like a relationship, and to fall in love and be loved, who doesn’t, it’s like I have romantic feelings, but not sexual. I wish I could get my sex drive back, as it would make my life easier if I wanted sex. The thing is I’m the least prudish person you could ever meet, I just have a medical condition that gets in my way.

@Ceriane

I’m exactly like this, however my lack of sex drive is due to health issues; vitamin deficiencies (severe), gynae issues and candida overgrowth, anaemia, have just had another blood test to see if anything else is wrong as feel so physically unwell at the minute. Pre having all these health issues I was interested. I avoid relationships as I just don’t want to be hassled for sex, and I worry it wouldn’t be fair on a partner. It might not be a health thing with you but get a blood test just in case it is. No real advice I’m afraid as I’m in the same boat. I get hounded by family and friends regarding my chronic single status, and I feel unable to tell anyone the real reason why, so also causes me a lot of stress socially. I feel like I would like a relationship, and to fall in love and be loved, who doesn’t, it’s like I have romantic feelings, but not sexual. I wish I could get my sex drive back, as it would make my life easier if I wanted sex. The thing is I’m the least prudish person you could ever meet, I just have a medical condition that gets in my way.

”I get hounded by family and friends regarding my chronic single status, and I feel unable to tell anyone the real reason why, so also causes me a lot of stress socially.”

-Oh, how i feel you on this one!!
You said it perfectly!
Do you also feel like you are constantly ”lying”, because you can’t be honest?

I just get jealous of ”normal” people, who understand and want and can have sex.
Life must ve so much simpler.

”I feel like I would like a relationship, and to fall in love and be loved, who doesn’t, it’s like I have romantic feelings, but not sexual.”

-We have different reasons and are very different people, but i share this feeling too.

@Ceriane

And thank you for your post.
All the best to you!

Thank You YouShouldLeave.

Yes, I feel I lie about stuff to sound normal. Or pretend to want a relationship more than I do as people won’t understand. People say really annoying stuff to me all the time as well “ your just too fussy and want someone with no flaws” not true at all. If only they knew how I really felt. I’m sure some extended family members just think I’m done sad hit sitting around wishing I could meet someone, wouldn’t enter anyone’s head I actively avoided it for years.

Life would be so much easier if I didn’t have this condition and could have sex and for my sex drive to come back. I feel like no one understands. Hey ho.

All the best to you as well.

Hi OP you might find Sex and love addicts group SLAA helpful but specifically SLAA anorexic meetings. This 12 step meeting is helpful for people who are sexually/emotionally/social anorexic.
I have heard others share similar re your issues.
Maybe work a look for you.
Good luck

You need a dating site for the asexual. Or set one up. If it doesnt exist that is!

@Whydidimarryhim

Hi OP you might find Sex and love addicts group SLAA helpful but specifically SLAA anorexic meetings. This 12 step meeting is helpful for people who are sexually/emotionally/social anorexic. I have heard others share similar re your issues. Maybe work a look for you. Good luck

Addicts?

Well, i’ll shall google SLAA now.
See what it’s about

Okey, googled it.
Yeah, i think i’ll pass.