Husband not interested in sex

[hornyathome]

Exactly as the title says. I've been married for a few years now and my husband shows no interest in having sex with me. I have to literally demand sex and even though he'll comply it leaves me feeling so unwanted that he will never initiate. He says he loves me and is attracted to me but that as he's gotten older he has lost his sex drive. He has a wank a few days a week and he's done. We've talked about it, and he says it's just who he is. He says he's not interested in any other women.

We have children and he's a wonderful supportive father and husband in all other areas but no matter how many nice gestures he does for me there is zero romance and I don't know what to do.

I feel bad constantly talking about it because he's so great with everything else and a lot of my friends are single but I don't know if I can survive a marriage like this.

He will oblige me if I ask but I'm left feeling like being intimate is a chore for him. Am I putting too much weight on one thing? I try to be understanding of this for him but I don't think he understands how much it hurts my feelings.

Just needed to key it out.

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You asked if your weight gain could affect your DH's sex drive. Clearly it does for some men, but who with any sensitivity would say that? I have spoken to several men now who say that they did lose all attraction to their wife after she put on a lot of weight. One never told his wife that was part of the reason. He went to sex counselling. They went to couples counselling. He did everything the counsellor asked of him but still felt he had no sex drive, thought there was something wrong with him, found it hard to discuss. Said her being overweight meant it was hard to get an erection. He carried on being supportive and cuddled her lots, held hands etc, but eventually she left him. He has since found that actually there isn't anything wrong with his sex drive, and he has a good sex life now - he maybe hadn't realised how much difference the weight gain had made. But he's kind, so it would have been very hard for him to explain this aspect to her. Another man I know did tell his wife that he thought he couldn't do it because of her weight gain. She was, understandably, very upset and their sex life ended that day. They're unhappy and sexless together now.

I don't know the answer to this, but I do suspect that if weight gain is a major turn off for a man, and he's a nice person, it's going to be bloody difficult to get him to admit his true feelings about it.

I'm in exactly the same position and it is soul destroying. We've finally spoken aboit it, but whether anything changes is another matter. No advice really, just wanted to commiserate a bit xx

Hi everyone. Thought I'd share an update as I always wonder what happened and like to read them myself.

We had some couples therapy and it was a relationship issue. He wanted to have sex after all but there were some barriers in our relationship he didn't feel he could talk about. Plus work has had a major toll on him, more than I realised. We've talked a lot out. Not everything is perfect but the sex is back and the impact on our connection is tangible. I don't care what anyone says, sex is vital.

Thanks for everyone who took the time to give me some valuable insight.

Hi I’m really pleased you’ve managed to overcome the issues you were having and are working together just shows there is a happy ending sometimes which is good to know. I’m still in the same situation nothings changed would you mind letting me know a little more about the couples therapy you had have you had many sessions?

@Complex1950 we did it with a church. We don't go but did a pre marriage course before our wedding that they ran and found really helpful. I remembered they also did marriage counselling and thought no harm in giving them a go.

@Complex1950 I hope something changes for you soon. It's so so tough and I hope you have a happy ending ♥️

Thankyou x

Wow @hornyathome that’s a great outcome. Well done to you both going for the counselling. It’s not always easy but it’s obviously really paid off. I often think that a sexless relationship is often a symptom of something else going on and it’s not always easy to identify or come out & say what that is.
Thanks for the update too - always good to know the outcome. Enjoy yourselves. 😊