Sexsomnia has ruined our marriage

[Lottiexx3]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had been through something similar? My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years. Since we met he has always been a sleep Walker and talker but after a few years it has progressed into sex. He has hurt me during these episodes and last night was the last straw, I have thrown him out. He’s now progressed onto trying to do it only when I am asleep. We have been to numerous doctors, clinics and treatments. He uses a CPAP and has taken all manner of medications with the usual side effect of not being able to get an erection at all. So I am left choosing to not have sex for the rest of my life or put up with this. I know it’s a medical condition but I can’t live like this any longer. I don’t want him in the same bed as me again and I am honestly considering divorce. Has anyone been though this?

It sounds awful, can you sleep in separate rooms? You say he's trying to do it now only when you're asleep - if he's asleep how does he know if you're asleep or not?? Are you suggesting he knows what he's doing?

No I really don’t think he is awake as his body language is the same as other episodes etc and he still has a very vacant look. But he will start having sex with me then stop when I wake up then start again when I go back to sleep. I have thought about separate rooms, and I am considering it but I would have to put one of my girls in with me.

Poor you. You must live in fear of going to sleep. I don't know what the answer is, but personally I think you are doing the right thing. You can't spend the rest of your life in fear of being raped in your sleep. How does your husband react when he is awake? Upset? Remorseful? That would be something on which I base my decision. But the fact he's not even tried out sleeping in a separate room to you speaks volumes about his attitude to me. He doesn't seem to be trying that hard to make things easier if he's not slept on the sofa etc.

Has he tried hypnotherapy or neurofeedback or EMDR, or anything like that? The brain is so complex, I’m sure there are ways to reduce the episodes. Also more sleep helps reduces sleep walking so what if he was sedated with sleep meds?

There's a radio 4 program about this very thing. I can't remember what treatment the guy had, but there is stuff to try.

Here is a link to a BBC news article about it www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-42226868