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Is this abuse?

13 replies

Xxxxxx5 · 17/05/2021 22:59

I don’t know what to do
I got really drunk last night at the pub then went to an after party round my friends house, with my best friend. There were two other men there.
My best-friend went upstairs with my other mate and I was left with the two older men. The closed the door and started making advances on me. I said no and to stop at first but eventually I gave in. I didn’t really feel like saying no was an option so I just went with it I guess. I won’t go into details but I ended up having sex with both of them. I know it’s wrong and I’ll get called all the names under the sun. I feel awful and sick about it. I really didn’t expect it to happen or particularly in want it to.
Whilst it was happening I think I was getting hit on the bum really hard, I told him to stop but he kept doing it. I now have a really bruised bum and it hurts.
I don’t know if I am in the wrong or if I can even do anything about it. Please don’t be nasty, I get myself into some dodgy situations but again, I really didn’t want it to happen. I feel like such a slut though. I feel like I was taken advantage of I don’t know. Maybe I brought it on myself for being there in the first place, I only went there for more drinks and to carry on the night. It’s not the first time something like this had happened to me either, I think I need to rethink some choices.
I feel guilty and ashamed. My memory is hazy. Please be kind.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 18/05/2021 06:38

Sounds like rape and abuse to me
This is not your fault
Can you report them?

IanHBuckells · 18/05/2021 06:45

Please report this to the police

Sparkybloke · 18/05/2021 06:46

It was not your fault. You were, by the sound of it, drunk and unable to give informed consent with freedom to choose....I would most certainly say you were raped....please seek professional help and advice. I would urge you to contact the police but if not is there a friend o r family member you can confide in. What happened was truly awful and not your fault. Your physical injuries should be seen by a medical professional who will also be able to point you towards support organisations...

HopeMumsnet · 18/05/2021 10:03

Hi there,
We have removed your photo, apologies. We hope that you are feeling as okay as possible this morning and strongly suggest that you contact the police, even if only to seek their advice.

Isitsixoclockalready · 18/05/2021 13:15

@Xxxxxx5

I don’t know what to do I got really drunk last night at the pub then went to an after party round my friends house, with my best friend. There were two other men there. My best-friend went upstairs with my other mate and I was left with the two older men. The closed the door and started making advances on me. I said no and to stop at first but eventually I gave in. I didn’t really feel like saying no was an option so I just went with it I guess. I won’t go into details but I ended up having sex with both of them. I know it’s wrong and I’ll get called all the names under the sun. I feel awful and sick about it. I really didn’t expect it to happen or particularly in want it to. Whilst it was happening I think I was getting hit on the bum really hard, I told him to stop but he kept doing it. I now have a really bruised bum and it hurts. I don’t know if I am in the wrong or if I can even do anything about it. Please don’t be nasty, I get myself into some dodgy situations but again, I really didn’t want it to happen. I feel like such a slut though. I feel like I was taken advantage of I don’t know. Maybe I brought it on myself for being there in the first place, I only went there for more drinks and to carry on the night. It’s not the first time something like this had happened to me either, I think I need to rethink some choices. I feel guilty and ashamed. My memory is hazy. Please be kind.
This is dreadful and not your fault whatsoever. Definitely speak to the police about it. I hope that you're ok.
Mytiredeyeshaveseenenough · 18/05/2021 13:34

Ring the police.

DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF.

Getting drunk (or whatever) is not a green light. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

Tal45 · 18/05/2021 13:54

Sounds to me like they intimidated and coerced you, this was not your fault. Please speak to the police.
You say you get yourself into some dodgy situations - please, please start taking more care of yourself, look carefully at your friends, are you sure they are real friends - are you sure they didn't take you back and then leave you with the intention for this to happen? Is it always with these friends that you end up in dodgy situations? Please look after yourself.

Ruminating2020 · 18/05/2021 19:13

@Xxxxxx5 It was abuse and you were not in a position to give true consent.
The shame is on those horrible men who did this to you.
Please take care of yourself.

Motnight · 18/05/2021 22:27

Op, you were rapes. It was not your fault. Please go and get checked for STIs. Is there any possibility that you could be pregnant?

Tossblanket · 19/05/2021 00:21

I think you need to speak with police and reassess the friendship with those girls that left you on your own.

Vegiepatch · 19/05/2021 13:25

This is abuse, sexual assault, coercion, intimidation- NOT your fault. I would suggest seeking sexual assault counselling to help support your feelings and to support you in future decision making as well. Please do not feel ashamed, you were placed in an extremely vulnerable situation. Xx

Alwaystheplusone · 19/05/2021 22:50

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t feel ashamed, you were not to blame. Sending you love and strength.

PurpleRainDancer · 20/05/2021 22:10

@IanHBuckells

Please report this to the police
This. Look after yourself OP Flowers
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