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Help with my post-baby sex life

2 replies

Festivemama · 16/05/2021 20:22

My baby was born 6 months ago - first baby, natural vaginal birth. I still haven't had sex with my husband and I just don't know how to approach it now 😔

We haven't had sex since I was about 25 weeks pregnant. We had sex a few times during pregnancy but I bled quite a lot each time, and since this was my first pregnancy after a second trimester loss, we decided to abstain since it was causing us both some anxiety. Then I delivered our baby - I did have a second degree tear so I had stitches which didn't completely fall out until 4 months postpartum.

We're currently bedsharing as well as my baby is a pretty wakeful one - she's up every 2 hours or so. Bedsharing is the only way I'm staying sane with the lack of sleep, so there's not any flexibility with that as my mental health was suffering with the lack of sleep. She goes to bed around 7:30pm and we get anywhere from 30 mins - 1.5 hours before she wakes for the first time.

I feel like I've psyched myself out now. My husband is quite girthy and I'm bloody terrified it's going to hurt. He's been extremely understanding and not pushy but I know he's desperate for it. I just can't seem to get myself in the mood. I'm breastfeeding so I can't stand having him anywhere near my breasts as they're already manhandled constantly by my baby!

Any advice? I thought a few glasses of wine might help loosen me up (no pun intended) but bedsharing makes that tricky. And we have nobody who could watch her for the evening. I want to get back into a routine of at least once every 2 weeks or so. I don't want a sexless marriage but I'm just so intimidated by it because it's been so long 😔

Please help!

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GrolliffetheDragon · 16/05/2021 23:08

I had a third degree tear, and I'll be honest, it took a few tries of going gently and slowly and then just stopping before sex became comfortable again. The hardest thing was finding enough time to try, in the end we tried in the day while DS was napping as it was then or 1am.

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PermanentTemporary · 17/05/2021 07:24

I would use a ton of lube. Sorry if that seems insensitive. I had a tear and we had a little go 3 weeks after birth which was uncomfortable though not too bad, and then a proper go 6 weeks after which was fine, but I was nervous both times. Lube is just reassuring, you could perhaps try fingers first. And agree with v v slow, and naptime.

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