Can't stop thinking about sex - hubby too ill

[CantHelpFeelingThisWay]

Hubby and I haven't had sex in over 2 years (he has been seriously ill and had life saving surgery and is still I'll now, so understandable that sex hasn't been a priority for either of us.)

I'm suddenly really missing sex and can't stop thinking about it and how I'd love a good hard shag! I am literally going to sleep and waking up thinking about sex.

I'd never cheat on hubby and it's obviously not his fault but I miss the closeness, the cuddling up together afterwards and the touching and intimacy.

I've got toys that I use but it's just not the same, I think it's worse as before he got ill we were a very sexual couple and still had sex virtually every day but it's unlikely to ever be like that again. I'm only in my 30s and it's a horrible thought that my sex life may be over!

(I name changed for this post but am lo g time MN user)

It sounds a difficult situation, OP. Of course it's understandable that you miss it! No advice I'm afraid but can sympathise as have been in a similar situation and had to use toys too but you're right, it's just not quite the same

Does your husband know you feel like this?
Even though it's obviously not his fault he's not in the mood, and it's not your fault you are, if he understands without feeling blamed, you might both be able to find a way forward.
Good luck.

What is his prognosis?

Oh dear, sorry to hear about your husband’s illness
Best wishes for a speedy recovery

Thank you for all the reply’s.

His prognosis is that he’s now as well as he’s likely to get....he’s better then he was before surgery etc but is never going to get “better” and back to how he was.

Part of me feels like we have got out of the habit of having a sexual relationship as he was so ill and I was pretty much his carer at one point - helping him wash, dress and even use the loo at times.

Part of the trouble is that he won’t willingly talk about it and if I try to talk about sex he says he feels I’m blaming him for not being able too.

Now he’s not so desperately ill we could at least try to have intimacy, even if due to his illness and medication etc actual penetrative sex isn’t possible (it might not be, but it also might be!)

We had a great sex life, very adventurous and he had a really high sex drive, so it’s a huge change. We could also talk about anything, whereas now this feels like a bloody great elephant in the room.

I love him to bits he is my soul mate and my rock - even through his illness his main concerns laid with the effect on me, but the thought of no sex life and physical intimacy makes me desperately sad - maybe that makes me shallow but I can’t help how I feel.

I can totally sympathise though in my case I am the husband and my wife, though not seriously ill, has a condition that has taken sex off the cards for about 2yrs as well. Still trying to figure out what the cause is but the knock on impact has meant intimacy of anything more than a cuddle is off the cards due to how it makes her feel.

I don’t have any answers, but I do sympathise.

Just to add, we have talked about it and have tried to see if we could bring intimacy in a different way but unfortunately it all comes back to nothing.

Very upsetting as I love my wife to bits, feel completely helpless in not being able to help her and feel like a huge part of me has died

@CantHelpFeelingThisWay
My first FWB went through something like you - her XP couldn't perform PIV for most of their time together due to an operation. (We didn't get together until months after he (suddenly and unexpectedly) passed away, incase anyone was wondering)

They still had a good sex life, with him giving / doing as much as he could to "help out". They did things like use toys together and other things, so it is possible to have a sex life!

You really need to sit down with him, and get this out in the open in a loving and supportive manner.

Tell him how much you love him, and still want him, and how much you've missed him - say you completely understand there might be issues and problems, but you are very willing to explore and experiment, to find a way to keep your love life going.

Good luck!