Orgasm without toys

[Dripanddrop]

I have spent many years trying and failing to achieve orgasm, until last year when at the age of 34 I finally, with lots of research and persistence, figured out how to do it with a bullet vibrator. And oh my gosh this changed my life! Since then I’ve pretty much done it daily if not more than once. And yet only once have I managed it with just my fingers. I feel like I’ve read everything online about how to do it with my fingers. But every time although I can get close, I just seem to have some sort of block to actually getting there and have to either give up or resort to the vibrator to come. Can anyone help me figure out how to achieve this??

It really is to do with relaxation. Mental as well as physical. And acceptance.

Do you imagine a scenario while you are building up to orgasm?

Not every time. But sometimes. Sometimes I just focus on the sensations and what feels good. I think it is in my mind that I think it won’t work and so it doesn’t. But I don’t know how to get past that. The one time I’ve managed it “manually” it took nearly 2hrs which is obviously not feasible 🤣

The most important thing is that you get there, not how you get there. Don’t be worried about going for a mix.

There is a limit to how much l can or are prepared to say in an open forum but you are welcome to drop me a pm. If you look through some of my posts you will see I have recommended the bullet to others.

I am the same @Dripanddrop. I can't quite get 'over the hump' with just fingers, although I can get pretty close and then use a vibrator at the end. I would like to be able to without a vibrator though. Watching with interest!

It’s still me, I’ve name changed as I didn’t realise I still had a name from years ago! @StarlightLady I agree that it shouldn’t matter how but I’d like to be able to do it without a vibrator as it’s just more convenient and discreet

I used to be able to cum quite quickly using fingers before I discovered vibrators. Now it definitely takes me longer but still possible. I actually find it harder to cum with other vibrators even if they're a slightly different version of the same model because I'm so used to the same toy.

@cookiecreampie thanks for sharing, that’s interesting. Maybe I need to lay off the toys for a while. I just get so frustrated now and cave in to the vibe

I have always just used fingers as it's a quick way to orgasm.

@HarrisMcCoo that’s the point. I’d love to do that - but I can’t. It takes me well over an hour - and I’m after tips to do it more effectively!

I find it takes me longer with toys, so we have the opposite problem it seems 😂

Watching with interest. I agree it's probably to do with the mental build up and relaxation. I prefer non-toy orgasms as they last longer.

Guess it's like most things in life... The more you put in, the more you get out?! I seldom get the house to myself so can't fully relax (bloody kids). Can use a vibrator and be done in under 3 mins...

My advice would be stop using the vibrator for two weeks and then try with fingers. I find I get dependent on the sensation and intensity of a vibrator if I use it too often - but actually I find an orgasm with fingers better.

I find I get dependent on the sensation and intensity of a vibrator if I use it too often
I agree with this, it dulls sensitivity after a period of time in my experience

but actually I find an orgasm with fingers better
I find it quite poor compared to vibrators or ‘real’ sex myself

@Tal45 @TheDiddlyGang thanks, some great advice. As much as that sounds like a difficult two week break - I think it’s worth a try 🤣

As far as comparing orgasms - I’ve never had one with anyone else around or during sex, so I wouldn’t know. And only once without a toy. What a sad case I am

Guess what - I did it 🤭 not quite sure how to cope with my huge sense of achievement that I can’t share with anyone IRL 🤣

@Whoactuallyneedsaname - I am glad you’ve managed to bring yourself to orgasm, I’m in my 30’s and I’ve never had an orgasm. I’ve kind of given up now 🤷🏼‍♀️

@SexForumNameChange I hadn’t ever managed it until about a year ago. There’s still hope for you! I’m 35.

It’s worth the perseverance IMO 😊

I am the same age, can I ask what helped you to eventually achieve orgasm? Was it mostly online articles/specific websites that helped?

@Whoactuallyneedsaname ...all power to you!! So glad you managed to achieve your ‘goal’ lol. Enjoy!

@SexForumNameChange ... is it a mental block for you? It used to be harder for me because my own technique wasn’t that great when I was on my own. (Some partners could bring me to orgasm, others couldn’t). I found I would get too overstimulated on the clit and then my body wld automatically shut off and I wld get frustrated.

This sometimes still happens but mostly I’m fine these days. It just took time, relaxed atmosphere no pressure on myself, and lots of experimentation to find all my sweet spots, (NOT focusing on the clit at all), groin etc.

@SexForumNameChange a bullet vibrator and LOTS of patience. It took me 90 mins the first time!! Just accepting the feelings and trying not to think negative thoughts like it won’t happen. I can do it in 5 or 10 mins sometimes now, with practice. But I had really underestimated how long it would take the first time.

@Vegiepatchy - I think mental block, after years of trying and not succeeding. I honestly believe it’s never going to happen now. Have considered a sex therapist but I don’t have the funds for it at the moment. I also think it’s psychological because I’ve not had good relationships.

@Whoactuallyneedsaname - I’ve tried a bullet but after some time it made my clit numb, it was too intense for me.

sexforumnamechange

Don't worry about being 35 and not having got there. I finally managed it at 59, so you've time yet