Awkward questions?

[Grandadwasthatyou]

In a new relationship with a lovely man in his late 50's. Is extremely attentive in bed and certainly satisfies me but I've noticed he never ejaculates. Consequently this means we can be doing the deed for ages, which I don't mind. ( for the moment).

I don't want to embarrass him by asking why he never comes. He seems to enjoy what we're doing and makes all the right noises and is happy when I've had an orgasm.
How can I ask him in a kind way what is going on?

Why not just tell him that you want to give him the same kind of thrill he gives to you? Inform him that you have noticed he does not ejaculate, but that you may be mistaken about things. If you are having sex with someone, you really ought to be able to talk about sex with them, so grab the bull by the horns and start communicating with him.

Tell him that you are aware that by the time one reaches one's fifties there could be all sorts of medical/psychological issues preventing orgasm, but that you'd dearly like to return the favour.

What's the worst that could happen if you start to talk?

I guess I just think he may feel embarrassed and demeaned somewhat but I think it's a good idea for me to say that I want to give him the same thrill as he gives me.
What do you think it could be?
How can he actually enjoy himself if it doesn't culminate in an orgasm?

Can you say you want to treat him and use your mouth/hands but don’t actually hop on. It would be quite easy to tell then if he ejaculates or not and to have that conversation if he doesn’t. It might also show whether it’s a thing with penetrative sex or with any kind of stimulation. Just telling him that you want it to be one-way pleasure may be enough for him to discuss it with you as there’s no where to hide. Just don’t make a big deal out of it and hopefully he will open up.

He definitely isn't ejaculating. I play with him loads, give him oral and have penetrative sex. He has no problem getting hard. I wondered if he was taking viagra but doesn't that make you permanently hard? Whereas he deflates as if he's climaxed, we have a rest and then he gets hard and starts again but definitely no liquid of any type.

I dated a man a few years ago mid 40s who had this problem. He could cum now and again and took him ages to get hard. He told me had always been like this but never thought of it as a problem. It was one reason amongst others of why I ended it. It could be age related, stress or a physical issue but there's a chance that things may never change and that's something you have to think about long term.

It MIGHT be a number of things but until you start talking to him about it and give him the safe space to open up, you will only be guessing what it could be.

Good luck with your talk with him.

Firstly, I wouldn't place that much importance on an orgasm, as long as you are both enjoying yourselves. DP sometimes struggles to cum - he admits to a certain degree of death grip and porn - but it's not an issue. It's about the journey rather than the destination!

There are a whole myriad of reasons why he might not cum and it's pointless trying to guess which one applies to him. If you really want to know, ask him. There's no need for him to feel demeaned by the question if you're not judgemental or accusatory in your tone.

Retrograde ejaculation. Can orgasm but doesn't produce sperm.

As a PP suggests there are a load of reasons, I have found it more difficult to cum as I’ve gotten past 50, plus my sex drive is now in decline, so I don’t worry about it, nor should you really

I had that "problem" I used to really enjoy sex with my wife but seldom ejaculated. I was happy and she was happy most of the time. Sometimes I'd feel frustrated that I did not cum, other times I'd feel that I'd failed, but mostly it was just really good sex. That was when I was just over 60-years-old.
I loved her, I still love her,.
My best advice to the OP is to enjoy herself and maybe offer to use your hand to finish off.

The more you make a thing of it , the more of a thing it becomes.

I know. That's why I don't want to make a thing of it. But I am interested if he still gets that release you get when you climax even though he doesn't if you see what I mean. I must admit if it were me I would feel cheated going through the lead up and then nothing at the end of it.

I'm over 60 now and have started to have the same problem - except I don't think of it as a problem. I still love sex, both for the joy of it but also for the feelings of intimacy and love that go with it. I don't feel frustrated at all. So my advice would be not to get hung up about it, don't think you're doing something wrong or he's not into you. As a pp said, it's about the journey not the destination.

But I do think you should be able to talk about it as a couple. You should be able to talk to anyone with whom you're rubbing genitals together. It's all about intimacy and I don't think you can be intimate with someone when there's stuff that you're anxious about that you're not sharing

@noego

Retrograde ejaculation. Can orgasm but doesn't produce sperm.

Thank you, @noego

In my early thirties I had a much older (like, much older) bf for a short time. Same thing.

I felt bad for him - never said anything. But it wasn't for me ... I couldn't cope without bucket loads of ... He did though have a good time. Just no ejaculate.

I don't think you'll be able to help him produce it if he doesn't. But not sure. Maybe check it out medically (google ; ) first.

Then I'm afraid it will be a question to yourself: can you live without cum.?

...

For an older man, just likely to be delayed Ejaculation unless there has been some bladder or Prostate issues

www.nhs.uk/conditions/ejaculation-problems/