What influenced your sexuality

[Estherpologist]

What do you think positively influenced your sexuality? There are lots of stories about people whose negative experiences have lead to hang-ups and lack of confidence etc, but very little conversation about the other side of the coin?

Me?
Growing up in a house where sex was never talked about at all, I was a curious but utterly inexperienced teen who didn't hang out with the kids who were cool enough to go behind the bike sheds and to overnight parties. So I was probably overly curious by the time i left home. Then being lucky enough to have mostly good experiences with mostly more experienced lovers, I probably ended up being more curious about experience for me any my partners. So I guess I got a lack of inhibition from a sexually repressed upbringing.
I'm not sure that answers my own question, but I thought I'd probably better go first.

Thank you for giving some insight on your own situation OP. I refuse to respond to posts, where someone asks a question, but refuses to give their own context etc.

Sex was discussed at home with no sugestion that it was a bad thing and my elder sister was a guiding light for me in many ways.

Mum and dad both went to naturist beaches. Not that naturism equals sex, far from it, but we were not brought up thinking the naked form was taboo. We were warned about “bad people” though.

Mum used to say that if you are doing something and it doesn’t make you feel nice stop doing it and never do something to please someone else.

Back in my teens, she was annoyed when she first found out that l was having sex. Not with the fact that l was having sex, but that l hadn’t told her.

I have an older brother who is two years older and a sister who is two years older than him. In her later teenage years she had a longer term boyfriend (who she later went on to marry) and when our parents were out they thought nothing of having very loud sex upstairs in the bedroom. My brother would just go out leaving me to try to ignore it. They would finish up and ask me if I wanted a cup of tea for heavens sake. It was pretty gross listening to them on a regular basis.

My mum would have a saying which was 'keep your hand on your ha'penny' (half penny) which effectively meant only have sex with the person you will marry. As it turned out I made my boyfriend wait around a year for sex which of course is unheard of nowadays. By sex I mean penetrative as we did other things. When I look back now I think 'poor bastard' but he hung around and now 4 decades later we are very much still very happy.

Growing up with those two incidents really made me repress my sexual side and with my own daughter I was very open and it is great that we are able to discuss anything and everything.

My DH was very highly sexed so we had a huge mismatch which led to some difficult situations. We saw them through but fair play to my DH he was always trying to push sexually and of course I more often than not pushed back. He always respected my position but God loves a trier and as the years rolled on he never gave up. You have to bear in mind that we were both our first and only sexual partners so we had no experience whatsoever.

So here we are both pushing far to quickly towards our 60's having been teenage sweethearts.

I had something of a lightbulb moment a few years ago and thought just get on with sex. The reality was that I enjoyed it when we got going. So I did just that. I guess that is a story for another day as I believe I have answered the OP question

Oh just for full disclosure sometimes my DH posts on here with our one account. Maybe I will point him to this so he can have a laugh about the year I made him wait.

I was in a very long relationship. She was the first and only lady I had had sex with. When we split, an unsatisfactory sex life was just one of a long this of things that was wrong with our relationship.

My first girlfriend after had had an "interesting" sex life with her last partner. She suggested we try adult parties and clubs. Something she had done previously. Meeting people on Fab.

I'm not with her now. Since then I've met some really lovely people who are very open and adventurous.

It really isn't just about sex for me. Far from it. A good number of the ladies I've met have moved away from a naughty lifestyle and have settled down with partners.

We are still good friends. I enjoy seeing them as mates.

I'm straight, never had doubts about this even for one day. Grew up in a family where it was never spoken about, other than to acknowledge that a family member was gay (he died a few years ago, lived to a good age, never met any partner of his if he had one in later life).

Some sexual practices are a no-no for me, such as anal, mainly from cleanliness. Others in part out of no great desire to do them, such as threesomes or swinging.

@GentlemanJay - If you don’t mind me asking, when you say unsatisfactory sex life, was this because she didn’t have many sexual partners before you, so was inexperienced? You don’t have to answer of course but when people mention unsatisfactory sex life, I often wonder what they’re referring to.

@Estherpologist - My experience is much the same as yours, quite a strict/sheltered upbringing, no talk of sex either, my Dad didn’t even know I was having sex at 15 (even though he noticed a love bite on my neck, yes I know cringey when I look back! 😬) I was probably a bit promiscuous (maybe not the right word!) during my mid-late teens but I settled down fairly young and have remained that way since.

[quote SparklingStars10]@GentlemanJay - If you don’t mind me asking, when you say unsatisfactory sex life, was this because she didn’t have many sexual partners before you, so was inexperienced? You don’t have to answer of course but when people mention unsatisfactory sex life, I often wonder what they’re referring to.[/quote]
Going through a period of two years without having sex is not the sign of a healthy marriage in my eyes.

Lots of other things wrong with the marriage. That was just one.

@GentlemanJay - Ah ok, when people mention unsatisfactory, I often wonder if they’re referring to the lack of sex, lack of spontaneity, not liking/giving oral, lack of enthusiasm etc.

Often the lack of sex is the symptom of much bigger problems in a marriage, I didn’t really think this was true but when I experienced this myself, I realised it is in fact very accurate.

[quote SparklingStars10]@GentlemanJay - Ah ok, when people mention unsatisfactory, I often wonder if they’re referring to the lack of sex, lack of spontaneity, not liking/giving oral, lack of enthusiasm etc.

Often the lack of sex is the symptom of much bigger problems in a marriage, I didn’t really think this was true but when I experienced this myself, I realised it is in fact very accurate.[/quote]
Sadly all the other stuff you mentioned was evident as well. It was one thing after another.

Sex was never spoken of in our house my parents were very old school and never really showed affection to each other. Attending an all boys school sex education was very clinical to out it mildly. Had very little contact with girls and from early teens I was wearing my sisters clothes in secret. I often wonder if that lack of any meaningful advice led me to now where I live as a woman and only date men

Seeing my parents happy together and open about sex, but in a discreet and and sensitive way, with a sense of humour.

Being always treated as precious and beautiful.

Being so loved.

= always was going to be a hard act to follow.

My parents were always discreet but open about sex and they're affectionate with each other to this day. So sex was never a taboo in our house. I didn't want to discuss it with either of them but always knew the option was there.

We also had quite a naked household. For example when I was small both my parents would bathe with me, change in front of me etc. As me and my sister got older my dad stopped doing all of that obviously but my mum didn't. When I still lived at home it wasn't unusual to see my mum walking naked from the bathroom to her room or whatever.

I know the nakedness isn't for everyone but it never bothered me or my sister and it really normalised the human body for me. I'm not quite as open as my mum but I am very body confident now and don't worry when I have sex with a new partner, go swimming, get changed in a public changing area etc.

An older woman

No talk about sex when I was young, to the extent of asking me to leave a room when a couple was kissing on the telly - strict catholic upbringing. But I could see a lot of affection my parents had for each other.

I was very curious as a teenager and as a young adult I had a great sex life with a long term boyfriend. I am now in my 40s and I would say I am quite adventurous and insatiable when it comes to sex.

I had some bad experiences along the way too, I suppose those shaped my sexual preferences in some way as well

Being desperately and miserably married for 23 years, then falling in love with a (much younger man) when it all ended.
The sex I had with him changed my perspective and blew my mind. I don't think I've ever settled down since. He was incredible and he did things to my body that I didnt understand at all, and have left me in a constant state of hunger ever since.