Unicorn?

[LexMitior]

Long time poster!

I've been invited by an old friends with benefits (man) for "dinner" with himself and his current girlfriend. FWB knew each other for years, and it never progressed (chiefly because I can't give time for a relationship at present). So it fizzled out but didn't end badly. For context, I am bisexual.

Anyway, I know this dinner is a bit more than dinner - this is to know his girlfriend "better". Now obviously that's not for him to decide or even me... but I suppose in the back of my mind is a bit of concern about her, that maybe he's pressurised her into this meeting, and whether she is actually okay with this. I suppose I can't know, and it may just be a fun evening, but has anyone had to negotiate similar situations? We are all grown ups of course.

I'd be inclined to make it clear to him that you have no intention of playing with them the first time you meet her. Just go for dinner and see how you get on. Gauge how she feels about it.

If the chemistry is right and you are confident that she is on board with the idea, then you can make plans for another date.

I'd never arrange to play with a couple unless I'd had the opportunity to talk to them both face to face and agree some ground rules.

You haven't even met her yet.

So: he used to fuck you. And he knows you fuck women. So he's invited you along to meet his new woman.

... Yes, you're right. You have no idea if you will fancy her, if she is ok about this meeting, if she is aware or not of the potential plans, if she will fancy you, if she will be up for it at all, however savvy or not she may be.

The guy has invited you because he wants to fuck you both. Just to put that out there.

You won't know where she is on the sliding scale of being totally there too, or way off, no way.

You will only find out by going to dinner.

So the baseline is: Do you want to fuck him and his gf?

If not, don't go. If maybe, go.

Thanks both. Obviously his motivations are clear. The issue is the girlfriend - I never took this guy seriously as relationship material, he was a total player, a man who loves women. Very charming but faithless.

I think however this is a kind of date, to see if it "clicks". Then another date if everyone is comfortable is a good idea.

If this guy is an old FWBs I think you should be able to have a grown up conversation with him in advance of the evening. Just tell him what you are thinking in advance.

Men's minds tend to race a little while women's tend to be far more practical over the possible pitfalls.

I can see the appeal. I'm a woman and would love to find another woman who would like to go for dinners and nights away and have some fun but don't know if this actually works in reality. Sounds a bit odd. Shouldn't you be speaking 5o both of them? Might be weird atmosphere or maybe he's said something to her and being koi about it to see how you all feel together in person.

I think my concern is that he might have oversold it; I really do like women and men pretty equally, but I wonder if she’s the same way. I think I would be worried about the possibility of “oh she’s curious”! Well okay but that should be upfront. That’s a responsibility that I might find a bit difficult if it was a first time thing.

I think I would be worried about the possibility of “oh she’s curious”! Well okay but that should be upfront. That’s a responsibility that I might find a bit difficult if it was a first time thing.

Yes it is a bit much bring you in as the school mistress without giving you the heads up and checking if you're up for it.

Maybe ask him?

Done. Will see what the response is. He's not a bad guy, so I think he will be clear.

That's good. (and let us know what he says ; )

He said he had thought again after I asked about boundaries and the underlying relationship (I asked whether they had talked and noted that emotions need to be considered in advance). Suggested a two stage meet which I agree with.

Nothing funky to start, and then meet again if there is something there; and they have had a proper talk about it!

He sounds like he is organising some fun! ... So does she actually know what's on the table?

Yes - but he describes her as "shy". I think its important to see what I think!

Report back 😉