Banter

[Didydani]

Hi all,

So, i got told by my friend (a friend who I've had sex with in the past, just for context) the other day during a conversation that he's "not impressed" by me in bed. Basically he thinks I'm shit in bed. When i called him out about it he said it was just "banter". I dont believe him. I think it was a really sly dig and a way of letting me know exactly what he thinks of me in the bedroom, and i also think there's always an element of truth in so called banter, aka insulting someone and then calling it banter.

Anyway.. I'm abit shocked and hurt by it tbh. I wasnt expecting it at all and had no idea that's what he thought of me when had sex.

I feel like messaging him about his problem in the bedroom, but then that would probably make me just as bad as him, wouldn't it?

It's an issue that bothers me and presume him as he got so flustered and embarrassed by it the last time he came over (which was over a year ago). When it happened I wasn't cruel and I didn't try to make him feel bad about it either, quite the opposite. I told him it was okay, not to worry about it, there's always next time, other things we can do etc.

His issue is that he prematurely ejaculates and as a result has to take things slowly otherwise he'll cum to soon. I don't know why this happens.. overly excited or turned on? Can't hold back so easily? A sign of a bigger problem? Idk. But i feel like suggesting he use a cock ring as it supposed to help by delaying ejaculation, or so I've heard anyway.

So, what to do? Should I bring up his problem? I mean it is something that's been bothering me when i think back on it. I think I'll also be rejecting him (for sex) the next time we meet up if he suggests it. Afterall why would you want to have sex with someone you think is shit in the sack.

Has anyone else ever had someone be so upfront?

Idiot man . I would have said ' I can't be that bad if you cum within seconds' and then blocked him.

He's not an idiot, quite the opposite. Very intelligent but also quite cruel when he wants to be.

A previous partner once told me I was “not very adventurous “, which was quite deflating, but also a learning opportunity, she schooled me what she liked (she liked sex a lot, and she liked a lot of sex, so that was good), but I also carried those lessons into other relationships, which helped.

@ justanotheroldman

I understand were you're coming from! There's apart of me that's kinda glad he's been honest, as it means theres room for improvement, but then a part of me that's hurt by it too.

I dont really understand how he's come to that conclusion and i really really dont mean to sound cruel either when i say this, but due to his problem the sex has only lasted a few seconds. I'd like it to last longer so there's more time to get into it and enjoy each other more. But, that's obviously what he thinks. 🤷‍♀️

It's made me feel self conscious about having sex with him now. I dont think I'd be able to put it to the back of my mind so easily.

He doesn’t sound like much of a gentleman. To say something like that is pretty cowardly. As the poster above said, if that’s what this guy thinks and there’s any truth in it he ought to be suggesting moves and techniques tactfully in the guise of what works for him hence making you a better lover (again if there’s any truth in what he’s saying). He sounds totally ungallant particularly in view of his own significant ‘problem’. I’m not surprised you’re hurt. Why are you considering having sex with him again? He doesn’t even sound worthy of your friendship in my opinion.

@yetanotherblokelurking

I agree. There was a much better way to let me know his thoughts. He should communicate with me more about what he enjoys in bed (and he has at times but not often). I dont why he chose to be so nasty about it or were it came from! There has been times when we've fallen out but there's been plenty of good times too, when we've been there for each other and supported each other when needed and besides this we have a good friendship, talk everyday about all sorts of things for hours and hours.

@Didydani

He's not an idiot, quite the opposite. Very intelligent but also quite cruel when he wants to be.

Clearly lacks emotional intelligence .

@Mooncats

I've often wondered the same thing! He doesn't talk about his emotions very much when I've poked and prodded at times, so possibly!

I don’t think you’re bad in bed OP. I think this is his own insecurity talking - much easier to put the blame on you when obviously he has an issue. Please don’t let it upset you.

I hate it when people say things like this. You can’t be shit in bed . You just haven’t clicked with that person, everyone gets turned on by different things or it just wasn’t amazing that time . Communication goes a long long way . It’s mean and makes people really think badly of themselves and can make them feel really self conscious in an area which can already be quite hard work / intimidating for some . I would of told him to sort him self in future if I’m honest , perhaps wouldn’t word it so politely either

@Mooncats

Idiot man . I would have said ' I can't be that bad if you cum within seconds' and then blocked him.

Haha yes this I guess