Sex after birth - it's rubbish

[zooloo88]

Just trying to get some perspective, It's been 4 months since my DS was born it was a long labour lots of tearing and stitches needed by the doctor as the midwives words were "oh no this is to complex and out of my remit for me" and my partner and I have tried sex twice now and honestly it feels absolutely rubbish! First time I couldn't feel anything and second time It felt squishy and awful I asked my partner if it felt different and I said I feel the entrance to my vagina feels wider and he agreed ... well that just made me feel worse kind of wish he had lied - fair enough I pushed out a 9lb baby but now I feel my body is ruined and sex is off the table as I can't deal with rubbish sex and feeling like I do about it! Am I alone in this as I read so many people saying how great sex was after birth and how easy it was to organs I'm Sat here preparing for a sexless relationship

@Fromneverland women need EDUCATION! I thought a section was awful you are awake while they operate. I was lead to deliver a vaginal delivery was the best and you heal quicker.

I didn’t know about all the health and sexual complications some of which will last a lifetime.

I joined a Facebook group for vaginoplasty’s and there are LOADS of people who get it done. So it’s obviously very very very common.

@Fromneverland

Wish I’d had sections too.- at least with my second. I asked and the midwife talked me out of it and made me feel ridiculous for fearing my first birth, with second degree tear, could lead to a worse second delivery. It did. A fourth degree tear with bowel damage and could have died from the blood loss. Women need choice.

This is so awful you sound like a true warrior

@Cinderella25

I also resent men for not having to go through with it. I am also angry that my DP told me it was in my head and ignored me.

He showed his true colours he was very distant and unloving. I was so emotional for 18 months after I gave birth angry and jealous at all my friends and family who had sections. Annoyed everyone lied to me about going back. Embarrassed about my body and that the doctor laughed at me. Resentment towards men for being not being empathetic. My sister says I am traumatised honestly it was the worst time of my life, but it does get better.

I regretted having my daughter for a long time she gave me chronic back and hip pain, she woke every 1 & 1/2 hr at night and I never enjoyed sex again. Not one person helped me or sympathised with me. Doctors treated me like it was all in my head and told me to take anti depressants.

Your emotions do go down so it’s not all bad and one day your child will tell you they love you!

Your emotions are valid and you are not alone.

Really am so sorry you went through that and I can only sympathise with the little I know but men really don't deserve us we are bloody strong!!

@Cinderella25 not everyone finds a section awful and the point I am making is that it doesn’t come with the risk of fecal incontinence and all other related sexual issues and shame. Everyone should be educated on what can happen, even if unlikely , and given the choice to have the birth they want.
If I had , I would not be sitting here with the many physical and mental issues and memories that follow such horrible birth injuries x

@Fromneverland

I think you missed what I was trying to say. Most women are lead to believe a vaginal birth is best and a section is worst. When in fact it is the other way around you get more side effects and long term problems from a vaginal delivery.

When my daughter is old enough I will tell her to have a section.

@Cinderella25 apologies if I misunderstood your message x

I bought the Elvie pelvic floor toner that comes with an app on my phone, it's games that you play using squeezes on a silicone receiver that's like a tampon. It's actually quite fun and I found within 6 months I had probably tightened up better than before I had babies

I have a suspected stage 2/3 bladder and cervical prolapse a, and like you am waiting for an appointment. In the mean time I've been using the kegel 8 twice a day and the NHS squeeze app throughout the day, and it has definitely helped (a bit, it's not going work miracles) but both me and dh definitely feel like I'm "tighter" and I can run with out badly leaking.

You do end up feeling like if men gave birth, they would all be by c-section or serogate.
I'm a nurse, Im quite scientific by nature, I remember buying books and reading all-sorts, non of which applied or was useful. The damage that can occur is like some secret thing that is never discussed. As it happens, I've just the one DC, and although sexually speaking, better than ever (lucky) my sphincter control will always be questionable at times ( can't have everything, just don't stand down wind as minimal control over farts!)
No way would I ever have given birth 'naturally' again, if I'd had another, I'd of insisted on a cesarian.

[quote Cinderella25]@Fromneverland

I think you missed what I was trying to say. Most women are lead to believe a vaginal birth is best and a section is worst. When in fact it is the other way around you get more side effects and long term problems from a vaginal delivery.

When my daughter is old enough I will tell her to have a section.[/quote]
I’ll do the same. She was born via EMCS herself.

Recovery was easy. The surgery didn’t feel weird.

Yes I have a numb stomach, but my vagina is still the same as it’s always been. I’m so grateful now that I didn’t get a natural birth, for very many reasons, and the fact that nothing has changed down there is a definite plus!