Husband losing hard on!?

[charlmwa]

We've been together 12 years married for 10
3 young children ... he had a vasectomy a few years ago ( not sure this is relevant)
We've always had a good sex life but the last few months to a year he's struggled with premature ejaculation, that sort of improved but now the only positions we can do are doggy or missionary.
As soon as I get on top he loses he hard on, he says he enjoys the view and that it feels good to be honest I think he's as frustrated as me.
I can't help but feel that all these problems started after the snip but like I said I don't know if it is that?
Anyone got any advice... he's feeling frustrated and if I am being honest I'm feeling unattractive no matter how much reassurance he gives it's knocking both of our confidence. X

What happens if you use some over the counter viagra ?

He's tried it once but then he struggles to climax. Trying to not make a big issue out of it but I can tell it's bothering both of us x

Hi @charlmwa. Would your OH consider speaking to his GP? I think it would be worth him having a chat & possibly some bloods for erectile dysfunction. It almost sounds like there could be a physical reason (rather than psychological) as you say he seems ok when he is in a “top”position where the blood flow is running down towards his penis. (Sorry, I’m probably not explaining this very well - it’s early!) Does your OH remain hard when he’s masturbating? Does this vary if he is standing up or laying down? You haven’t mentioned how old OH is or if he has any medical conditions that could affect this but I think a chat with the Dr would be helpful & it is a very normal thing to discuss with the GP (if OH is conscious about broaching the subject).
Perhaps some more of the wise folks on here will pop on & offer some advice too.

Just another thing....(I’ve just read back over your original post)
From your perspective, it is very understandable that this makes you feel unattractive but OH is reassuring you that it’s not that. I think it’s important to remain close by still being intimate and it’s worth working out what still works for you both. Sometimes with these physical problems, a psychological element can start to develop too where each person feels that they are affecting the other. There is sometimes a temptation to avoid sex altogether so to avoid the embarrassment of what might happen, but this tends to make the problem bigger. If you know that things all work ok if OH is on top or in doggy position, is it worth sticking to these positions at the moment? If it works for you both, it would be a good way to remain close & still have enjoyable sex. I would imagine that an element of performance anxiety could creep in for your OH if he thinks he might lose his erection in certain positions. Good luck OP, I hope the situation soon gets sorted for you both.

He should take a trip to the GP as there are many possible causes/ catalysts to this issue and a quick health check could identify these. The quicker he gets some intervention the better the outcome is likely to be before it becomes a physiological barrier to him or has a more significant affect on your relationship.
I doubt the vasectomy has any bearing on the issue, but doing nothing about it is not going to fix it.
I hope he gets some help and a successful conclusion soon.

I second the idea of going to the GP as the first port of call. Viagra can be a problem if one has low blood pressure, so it's a sensible thing to have a basic MOT before taking it.

Has he gained weight recently? Getting back to a normal range BMI could make a difference especially if he has become prediabetic.

Could you take the pressure off by doing spooning position? Just wondering if position change might help you both.