Sexual anhedonia

[Curiousdad18]

Hi Folks,

Does anyone have any experience of en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_anhedonia ?

If I masturbate or have sex there is literally no pleasure. It's a 'release' but I don't experience any pleasure when I orgasm. To clarify I am not asexual. I like sex and masturbation in an abstract way but have never felt any pleasure. I never realised it was supposed to feel amazing! It has always been like this from when I started masturbating as a teeenager.

I am separating from my wife for other reasons and want to seek treatment for this but don't know where to start. I can't imagine calling my GP and trying to explain this to them!

Anyway TIA.

Do you enjoy sex in other ways, I mean close contact, foreplay, etc? For many people, men and women, orgasm is not what it is about but they thoroughly enjoy sexual intimacy. I don't believe you have a medical problem, you're an individual.

P.S. No comments about porn addiction, death grip etc. The problem is not either of these. It's also not related to medication. I am currently on anti-depressants but the problem predates this by a long time.

@jessstan2 - sorry overlapped with your message.

Well yes I enjoy sex but orgasm is just 'pfffttt' and over. It is frustrating and affects my sex life. Separating and can't imagine starting another relationship with this hanging over me.

I have been with women where their orgasm was amazing for them and want that. I know male and female orgasm are different but Jesus it has to be better than this!

Curiousdad, tantric is very good.

Curiousdad, can you take the whole orgasm pressure/question out of it when you have sex? Sounds like you need someone who will just stroke your eyebrows for 4 hours. Or some such.

Look, it might be physiological. In which case you have to establish that and work around it. Or it could be psychological. But I agree that going to your GP sounds like a thorny path.

Look up sexual practitioners, counselling, etc. (there are plenty in Malibu - Harry will be ok then ; )

I don't even know if we have them here. We probably do. But you so need to go right back to basics.

Whatever your sensation of orgasmic release, you presumably do feel sensual pleasure when someone actively loves your body and engages their energy with yours. So you need to start with that.

By now your hangup around the orgasm sensation is possibly so dominant that you have no chance.

Back to basics. Problem is, who with? Not the woman you're separating from. So get online or get in the Costa queue and find someone nice. You need some serious sexual therapy, and now.

I would suggest a visit to the GP and be open about the problem. Have a physical, including a prostate exam and full blood count including testosterone.
Secondly have a look at psychosexual tantric somatic practitioners with a view to have a exploratory session.
Also have a try of a tantric masturbatory session. This would include a shower beforehand, massage oils, headphones to listen to soft music. When masturbating you are not allowed to orgasm. bring your self to the brink of orgasm and then delay. When delaying keep touching yourself in a teasing way but not to orgasm.
The build up to actually touching yourself sexually must be precipitated by touching all other parts of the body and only when sexually stimulated can you begin to touch your self sexually.
HTHs

As you have always had this problem I wonder if it is something as simple as a testosterone deficiency or something similar.

You really need to speak to your GP though, make some notes and ask for a telephone appointment, might be easier than face to face initially.

I would very much doubt there are any "psychosexual tantric somatic practitioners" where I live but you never know! Where I live is not Malibu

I suspect it may be physiological as well as pychological so I need to get all the standard stuff checked out like testosterone etc. I've had a lifelong struggle with depression and probably have generalised anhedonia not just sexual anhedonia. I have private insurance through work so paying for treatment is no issue.

I went for counselling in 2019 and the counsellor pretty much said "Jesus..your issues will take years to solve!"..and I didn't even tell her about this. I may get back in touch with her again.

@Parkerwhereareyou - I would doubt any self respecting woman would want to volunteer as an amateur sex therapist although I'm actually not bad in bed..easier when you get no pleasure to focus on your partner's pleasure. Also anti-depressants mean I last forever!

Anyway thanks for replies..some things to think about!

Hi @Curiousdad18 I’m sorry that you have this. I understand your reluctance to speak to your GP but it might be worth it for some basic tests to be done (bloods, testosterone etc). Also, look up Dr Karen Gurney. She’s on Instagram as thesexdoctor

She works in the NHS but also privately from The Havelock clinic. You should be able to use your private health insurance. She is a Psychologist and a Psychosexologist. There appears to be a team of specialists based at the clinic so I’m sure that you should be able to find the right person to help you. Let us know how you get on. I hope you get the help you need.

CuriousDad I think you underestimate your appeal - if you are a) happy to pay attention to the female body and b) last forever and are generally keen and appreciative, then at least half of Mumsnet would be your voluntary sexual therapist, I'm sure!! You could take your pick! 😀

😂 @Parkerwhereareyou
Well, there you go @Curiousdad18, help is coming at you from all directions.

You don't need a 'practitioner' to learn about tantric sex. You just do it with a partner. The focus is not on orgasm, it is about almost endless pleasure. You say you do have pleasure from sex but only relief from orgasm. It's not that unusual. Many find the journey is better than the ending. I do not see it as an illness that needs curing.

However, you are worried so it isn't a bad idea to be checked out. I am sorry you have depression.

Good luck.

Lol..i'm in Belfast so any volunteers please PM me!

@jessstan2 - Yes you are right if I was happy and didn't feel like something was wrong then I would agree with you that it was not an illness that needed curing. I'm not sure if saying I get pleasure from sex is true but certainly I get horny and am not asexual. In terms of orgasm it's more "OK that's over" than anything more than that.

Anyway..thanks all!

@Curiousdad18 - I think it’s advisable to have a blood test to check hormone levels to rule out any medical reasons.
Also don’t worry about discussing this with your GP, they deal with these sort of things on a regular basis. It’s a bit like when us women have to have a cervical smear, it’s not pleasant but it’s important

You said this predates your anti-depressant medication but all the same it is very likely having an adverse effect on your sexual responses.

If I were you I would want to rule that out so maybe worth trying a break from the anti-deps meds and see if there is an improvement.

I was off them for 15 years and have been back on them for 2. It made no difference. I'm not going to stop taking them right now with my mental health where it is.

@Curiousdad18 - Absolutely, don’t stop taking your anti-depressants, unless advised by a doctor and you feel comfortable doing so.
Do you have people to talk to about your mental health, as you said, with my mental health where it is. I hope you’re getting the support you need.